Heart vs. Head: The work status decision

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Heart vs. Head: The work status decision
2102
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 1:03pm
Did you make your decision to SAH/WAH/WOH ft/pt based primarily on objective/tangible factors, or with your heart?

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Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 12:25pm
Good for you when it sounds like you didn't like it that much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 12:34pm

I guess I am really having a failure to communicate my tone, since two other posters think I'm not happy with my life and you're inferring about my feelings about BF.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 12:36pm

Sure she has a choice. She can choose to add to her education/training and take on a higher paid position whereby she CAN afford f/t childcare for 3 children. She can choose to work part time while someone else (DH?) can watch the children. There ARE choices. Maybe she is not aware of these choices, or maybe she is aware and she and her DH have decided that the choices aren't worth it. Just because one chooses not to do what it takes to utilize another choice doesn't mean the choice ceases to exist.

Example

Choice A. In order to choose Choice A you must do X and Y. One can choose to do X and Y or one can choose NOT to do X and Y. If one has chosen NOT to do X and Y then the choice is still there- they've just chosen not to utilize it. So yes- she *has* a choice. She just doesn't seem to want to utilize it. Maybe it's not worth it to her and her DH. That's the case with my DH and I- it'd be nice to trade off, but it's not worth what it would mean for us- for either of us. I have the choice to WOH I just choose not to do what it takes to make it a reality.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 12:37pm
I'm not sure where that impression came from? I had always had the impression that PNJ enjoyed bf her kids and kept it up for quite a while.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 12:45pm

We aren't talking about your situation. We are talking here of a situation in which there is a SAHP and a WOHP, remember? The dynamic is quite a bit different generally speaking in that situation than when dealing with a WOHP/WOHP mix.

Wytchy

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 12:48pm

"What if it's as important that the infant take multiple bottles during the work week at the age of 12 weeks as it is to establish long term breastfeeding success? I wasn't going to risk it (or my sanity) by waiting 6 weeks."

Sorry, I interpreted the above comment about your sanity to mean you didn't enjoy bf that much. Glad to hear it was a good experience.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 12:48pm
See above. I hadn't read any other posts of hers about bf.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 12:49pm

That may be true, for *your* situation. But we were talking about what would happen in *my* situation.

(Here's the post again- "In our family, we are each parents, but we aren't just individuals, we are part of a team. For us, it's important that our child have *a* SAHP, not that we each have to *be* that SAHP. It's not that we aren't each raising our children, it's just that I have the more active hands-on role in doing so given our choice to have a SAHP for our children. Were we both WOHP's we'd be pretty equal in the raising task because we'd have to hire a third party to share in that responsibility.")

I gotta say though- that's kinda sad... I mean- I'd expect that DH and I would be equal partners/parents were we both WOH in regard to the children (and the home etc.) I can't imagine putting up with anything less... That has to be hard...

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 12:58pm

***It definitely is for me and my marriage, and my relationship with the boys. I don't want to do much more hands on parenting than my DH.***

Maybe I'm wrong- but weren't you saying before that your DH isn't the greatest at contributing in that way in the first place? And you don't want to do much more than he does? (Am I remembering you incorrectly here? Was it just with the housework etc. that he's like that? I can't remember the exact conversation but I know you were talking about it awhile back...)

For my situation I don't want to take away my childrens time with me just so that DH and I can be "even" on the 'childcare hours' time sheet.

***We don't have to worry about that, either. Ditto for snow days, teacher work days, summers, etc.***

Many WOHM's *do* have to worry about those things, however. Consider yourself lucky.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 1:03pm

***That's a huge thing - I'd never marry a man with such an old fashioned, even neanderthal type attitude.***

ROFLMAO! Neanderthal? Hardly! LOL! Old fashioned? Perhaps. But that's certainly fair. I'd never marry a man who had the idea that we both *had* to WOH (making homeschooling impossible) or that my "worth/contribution" was tied primarily to my paycheck. Guess it's good we didn't end up marrying each others spouses LOL!

***My DH loves the fact that I contribute almost equally in my female-as-provider role.***

My DH loves the fact that I take care of our children and we don't have to hire someone else to do so for us while I'd be WOH.

Wytchy

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