Heart vs. Head: The work status decision

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Heart vs. Head: The work status decision
2102
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 1:03pm
Did you make your decision to SAH/WAH/WOH ft/pt based primarily on objective/tangible factors, or with your heart?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 1:06pm
I think that when I consider our parenting over the long haul, that worrying about who is putting in the most hands-on hours is pointless. When my kids were nurslings, I definitely put in more parenting hours. I did the preschool social scene (Mommy&Me activities, playdates, etc) much more naturally, too. DH has been more hands-on involved since they started school, and he has taught them a lot of skills I don't have. He was the scout parent, going on the campouts, and the guy more likely to teach them how to ride a bike, swim, catch a baseball, and so on with other physical things. He'll probably be the primary Driver Education guy. He does math and science homework checking with the older one. I am the one who reads Harry Potter out loud; DH got bored after the first book. I do religious training, DH isn't a Christian. I do enforcement of practice minutes for music lessons. We both police chores and monitor internet use, stuff like that. We split stuff like school awards ceremonies, brown bag lunches, attendance at sports practices -- we both tend to go to games. I was definitely the more hands-on parent when the kids were smaller; less so now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 1:06pm

Yep. My dh is the same exact way. He was happy when I was working but once we had children he was happy I was at home to care for the kids. Now that they are getting older, he is happy I am going back to work.

I couldn't marry someone who was not flexible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 1:07pm

That doesn't IMO make you the primary parent. It just makes you the favored parent for the moment LOL! Kids can change preferences at the blink of an eye. ;) Or are you saying that your DH is emotionally distant and that it's not an issue of preference, but that they're simply not as bonded to him? And if so- why is that and how can you stand being in that situation? (And if that *is* the case- do you really think that saying you don't want to do more than DH is a *good* thing for your children, if he's only doing the bare minimum as it is?)

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 1:11pm
Ah, now I see, and I appreciate the chance to clarify what I meant.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 1:14pm
Yes, they are simply not as bonded to him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 1:14pm

Doesn't change the point. If you want to issue absolute generalizations, that's your choice, but don't complain when someone says that your statement is false. Simple concept. Context wasn't an issue here. If you didn't mean to say it as an absolute- a simple "Whoops- didn't mean it that way" would be more than appropriate. Why be so defensive if you didn't mean for it to be read in the manner that you posted it? Or did you mean it to be an absolute- in which case, you can certainly see where one would call you on your statement being false.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 1:17pm

Well if that's *not* what you're saying than you really ought to work on the clarity of your posts. Becauase if that's not what you were trying to get across- I have no idea what your point was. And yes- I've been following the thread- I just don't have every post committed to memory.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 1:21pm

I absolutely agree!

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 1:24pm

That's a very good point. Flexibility. My DH certainly has his preference (me being a SAHM and homeschooling) and I share those preferences. But if he were the sort to try to force me into the role or not be supportive of whatever *I* would want, there would be major problems ;) I'm not the type to be 'handled' or pushed into a role I don't choose ;) LOL Flexibility is definately necessary ;)

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 1:25pm

Not as bonded to him just because they aren't as bonded or because he isn't as interactive, interested and *involved*?

Wytchy

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