Heart vs. Head: The work status decision

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Heart vs. Head: The work status decision
2102
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 1:03pm
Did you make your decision to SAH/WAH/WOH ft/pt based primarily on objective/tangible factors, or with your heart?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 12:58pm

No of course not, why on earth would you ask that?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 1:04pm

<<*shrug*.....being a good parent within a household is not a competition. >>


Who said anything about it being a competition?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 1:09pm

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But that's the statement that has been made or similar.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 1:14pm
>>But that's the statement that has been made or similar<<
who/where has that statement been made pka??? i, for one, have not made it clear that i am the *better* parent because i sah. i am a better mother, sure but better parent does in fact imply competiton with the other. do you not agree?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2006
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 1:16pm
I guess it's interesting. But I just assume some families thrive on intertwining their different approaches into one unified parenting unit.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 1:16pm

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Okay, I get were you are going with this more clear now. The only explanation I can give is that we are both doing what we thinks make us better parents to our children. In the ideal world, we both might like to sah. But, we have bills to pay and it is unrealistic. We both have certain ideas and planned accordingly.

And my dh and I are not identical. He loves to work. He likes what he is doing. We are lucky in that his job is very flexible and he works at least 1-2 days a week at home. I love sah. So, our current arrangement suits us fine. I am going back to work b/c I do not see the point in being at home once they are both in school.

I do not know how to explain this any better but just b/c we are doing two different things does not mean our ultimate goal and reasoning is not the same.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 1:20pm

not widely different parenting views, but more what consititutes a good parent. personally i dont think ones work status has a darn thing to do with whether or not one is a good or bad parent.

what i think this thread is about is (certainly not me, and probably not you, i dont know) if someone says they have to sah to be a good parent why do they consider their husband a good parent if they do not sah - if, sah equals being a good parent, which alot of people on this board do espouse. an analogy would be if i considered getting a's and b's in school to be a good student grade wise, i wouldnt then consider c's and d's a good student in someone else - not to say that person might not be doing their best, i just wouldnt consider them a good student grade wise.
Jennie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 1:29pm

Well, I agree that work status has nothing to do with what makes a good parent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 1:29pm

***Yea. Really not a big surprise here because I would say the majority of good parents would say the same, except there are many of us who don't rely on working status to define our parenting of course, but outside of that....duh.***

Working status can be an important part of a dual parent paretnership if that family wants their children to have a SAHP available to them.

***I really think it's interesting that in the sah/woh combination you are saying that the woh can only do his job because of the sah and the amount of time they spend with the child.***

That would be interesting if that were what I'd said.

***What happens with the sahp when the child is now spending the majority of their time at school, lessons, friends, etc?***

Couldn't tell you since mine are 1 and 2 and I've said throughout that I'm primarily speaking of the 3 and under set. As to what happens to them- I'd say they learn to adjust as with any other aspect of growing up.

***I would think that the wohp parenting doesn't change because they are still relying on others to do the majority of the work and spend the amount of time....but what happens to the sahp who was basing their parenting (as you say) on the large amounts of time and doing more of the hands on stuff?***

I'm sure it's different for every family. Many SAHP's go back to work, get into/more into volunteering, hobbies etc. Others choose to homeschool so their role doesn't much change. What exactly are you meaning by the question?

***You have to go back to work tomorrow. You are now a dual wohp. You will be the same kind of parent without spending the time and level that you wanted and had a sahp?***

Yes and no. Yes I'll be the same kind of parent, overall, in that I'd still be active, involved etc. but I wouldn't be able to do the things we want for our children- such as homeschooling, various activities that we do throughout the day that aren't available on a wohp schedule etc.

***Nothing will change, you will still be the active and involved parent that you want to be while being a wohp?***

I disagree that nothing would change. There would be a very big change and a very big adjustment needed- for our entire family.

***If true, then you have just agreed with my point that working status is irrelevant in parenting.***

That depends on the parents and what they want for their children, now doesn't it? Considering that some parents, such as myself, find homeschooling to be quite beneficial, I'd say that working status can be VERY relevent as to parenting if one wants to be a homeschooling parent- wouldn't you?

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 1:31pm

it has nothing to do with it being a competition. if someone says, and you know it happens on this board, that to be a good parent they must sah, how to they consider their husband a good parent when he doesnt do what they feel is essential to being a good parent.

i tend to hold the people close to me to the same standards i hold myself too. personally i dont believe sah/woh has one thing to do with whether one is a good parent or not but there are those who do and the contradiction is interesting.
Jennie

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