Heart vs. Head: The work status decision
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Heart vs. Head: The work status decision
| Tue, 01-17-2006 - 1:03pm |
Did you make your decision to SAH/WAH/WOH ft/pt based primarily on objective/tangible factors, or with your heart?

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"That kind of thing and the rest of your post would break my heart. "
Really? I think it's wonderful and amazing that he has kept in such close contact with my family and my mother-tongue. I didn't honestly expect it when we started our multilingual adventure many years ago. It means that ds and I speak a common language of books, which is even more wonderful and unexpected. Still, overall he is growing up Swedish and I am glad of that too.
"The fact that you're on this board and are CL and after reading your posts, I often wonder if you've fully accepted your new home."
Well, I do like to keep up with what is going on in the US and, strangely, I find this board helps me to keep more in touch with small cultural details than major newspapers. As for why I asked to be a CL....it sounded like fun, not too much work, and earned me the EY package for free :-).
At this point in my life and with the politics what they are in the US, I think I would have to be paid mega-bucks to move back to there these days. I like Sweden too much. In fact, I liked it so much that I became a citizen a couple of years ago :-).
"i agree with what you say i think it is a matter of some people holding spouses to different standards. i do find it interesting however that on something as important as raising kids a couples thought process would be so different. i know my husband would be terribly hurt if he felt i believed that to be a good parent one had to sah, because the converse of that is that since he does not sah he is not a good parent. personally i hold my husband to the same standards i have for myself, at least on major things, but i dont hold casual aquaintances to those standards. this has nothing to do with you it is debate for the sake of debate :)"
I just wanted to add that for me, it's not even just holding my spouse to a different standard. I apply the same logic/principles to every other parent out there. My reasoning is that I think parenting is so individual that I dont feel that it's fair to apply *my* standards for myself to anyone else. I firmly believe that each parent has their own set of goals/standards that they must meet in order to hold themseleves in high regard. I strive to meet my own goals and like to think that others do the same. The truth is, I dont want to be held to anyone else's standards, my spouse included because as an individual we all process and handle things differently. Often times with the same net results.
I see it more as the follwing.
A (my goals) + B (my level of achievement of said goals) = C (my "status" as a parent).
So while the same equation may apply across the board, the variables are different. I dont want to reach somebody else's goals nor do I want anyone else to reach mine. KWIM?
For instance, one thing my DH provides that I clearly do not is an income. For him, that is one of his goals and he is doing well, so he is meeting that standard for himself as a parent. If I was to say we each had to have the same standards, I would be failing miserably as I earn nothing.
Does that make sense?
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How on earth do you figure that?
PumpkinAngel
Jennie
Jennie
The question wasnt posted me, but I'll give my two cents anyway.
IMO, making it a priority for everything to be divided exactly the same is not IMO a goal to be reached. Each parent has many things to bring to the table and insisting that the other can match that offering makes no sense. I think that a family can find balance without measuring everything to make sure it's "fair" and "equal".
I think that was the point she was striving for. Balance isnt always about making things equal.
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My opinion statement says that I think it's important to have two very active hands on parents who do a equal (but often different) hands on stuff with the kids.
PumpkinAngel
So, part of why the wohp can be a good parent is the fact that they have a sahp as a partner?
PumpkinAngel
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