Heart vs. Head: The work status decision

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Heart vs. Head: The work status decision
2102
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 1:03pm
Did you make your decision to SAH/WAH/WOH ft/pt based primarily on objective/tangible factors, or with your heart?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 10:02am

I agree time is important with children of any age and especially with young children. However, time has a diminishing rate of return. THe more time you have with a child they less important that next half hour is. There is a point (and here is where we probably disagree) where more time won't really impact the child in any real way. Where that point is is certainly determined by the personalities/experiences of the child and the parents.

I think most of us would agree that spending one hour a day with a young child isn't enough. However, when you get to the 3-5 hours a day- for some that is enough for other it isn't. At 12+ hours per day (waking)- most would feel it is more than sufficient.

IME, 3-5 hours a day was plenty for my first son and not enough for my second.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 10:07am

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No I didn't mean to make the implication.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 10:09am
i think the reality is that two parents dont always want the same kind of parenting. my husband has no desire to be as involved in our kids school as i am, that is not to say he doesnt go to programs, parent/teacher conferences and the like but there is no way he would be up at the school volunteering as much as i am - he doesnt overly enjoy it and he doesnt feel it is as important as i do.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 10:16am

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I have clarified my words to FOUR different posters as you have mentioned.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 10:18am
I didn't want to say "no" concept of time - one gets flamed for using absolutes here - but I have to agree, IME preschoolers have zero concept of time. Of course, even a kid needs some minimum amount of time to form and keep up any kind of relationship, but on the whole I'd say it's a matter of the nature of the interaction, its quality, and not its duration at this age.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 10:27am

What comparison? You mean apples to oranges?

Here's the logical problem: We can argue whether they do or don't need, say, vitamins, and we can argue whether they do or don't need piano lessons. We can say, "Well, if you think vitamins are mandatory and that you can't raise them properly without them, then I consider piano lessons to be indispensable!" Eventually, each question has to be taken separately for either claim to be worth discussing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 10:31am


Again- I see a difference between 'helping to raise' and 'helping the parent to raise'. Personally I don't see email/phone to be all that intimate- but if it works for you- then that's great :) I also have a different perspective because mine are so young yet. For them, email and the phone aren't something that they really even understand yet. (And since email wasn't invented when I was growing up, and long distance charges weren't something we incurred unless it was a special occasion- not for regular chats- I may well change my mind about the intimacy and connectivity factor as the kids get older.)

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 10:32am

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I don't think sah or woh is negative in general, no.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 10:35am
As I'm sure your aware, what's going on is a clumsy backdoor attempt to challenge your argument by suggesting that you're suggesting that quality hands on *parenting* depends on lots and lots of quality hands on *time*, i.e. SAH, at all ages, and that you can't have one without the other. Although lots of people are confused enough to think that's true, you haven't to my knowledge claimed that at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 10:41am

Well, the amount of "set" expenses that each parent already pays is factored into the lump sum CS payment made to the custodial parent.

IOW, in figuring the amount my xh pays me for CS and thus the amount I'm responsible for as well, it takes into account that he 1)already makes a deposit monthly into their college funds, 2) that he pays for their health insurance, 3) that i pay for their dental and vision insurance and 4) that I pay for their childcare. Only after those "set" expenses are already figured, do they come up with the lump sum monthly payment.

So, theoretically, when childcare expenses when down dramatically this year because ds started full-day KG, the CS payments should have been re-allocated.

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