Heart vs. Head: The work status decision

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Heart vs. Head: The work status decision
2102
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 1:03pm
Did you make your decision to SAH/WAH/WOH ft/pt based primarily on objective/tangible factors, or with your heart?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 2:23pm

I'm pretty sure you don't think anyone can actually be said to be helping you raise your kids unless they have a role that totally parallels yours. A word like "intimately" is just as vague as "helping to raise"; it's open to interpretation. That may be why you're not convincing too many posters with your false distinction between "helping to raise" and "helping parents to raise", which is absurd on its face.

However, correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think the word "raise" is actually the problem. I think what you're driving at is that you object to the use of the word "raise" in connection with anyone but parents. Also, that only the parental role is important. But it's really a philosophical question; you'll never get agreement on it. It's like with sex; some people think the foreplay is secondary, while others think there's no real sex without it ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 2:23pm
so how many hours does this child need, and why is it they only need it with one parent and not both? mine react the same if i am away for 1 hour or 5 hours, they have no concept of how long i have been gone.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 2:27pm
Maybe they notice and protest when you leave them because you seldom do? How does that tell you anything about what children in general benefit from?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 2:30pm
i would have to go into "the no real sex without it" camp :) at least on a regular basis :)
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2006
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 2:43pm

"So, it's not about how much time a parent needs to spend with a child to be a good parent, it's more about avoiding othercare? Why?"

Because DH and I personally do not like the idea of it.

"Sure, but then what's the point of SAH? Just to avoid othercare?"

It is definitely one of many reasons.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 2:48pm
I've mainly been a SAHM to avoid othercare, at least until they are 2 or so. I could never ever put an infant in othercare.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 2:51pm
just wondering how old your kids are
Jennie
Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 2:58pm
I would have to say that resonates with us. We don't want to have two full time WOHP's while our kids little...or even later. I do feel I can WOH full time while DH is at home. If / when he goes back to work, I will go part time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2006
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 3:08pm

My first son will be 3 this month, my second son will be 2 in April, and my third son is due in March.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 3:08pm

***i would have to disagree that these people are unsuspecting, these are people who are very close to our family and take pride in knowing they are helping to mold and shape (raise)children other than their own.***

Mold/shape would equal influence IMO, not raising or helping to raise.

***there is no need to inform these people because these people are quite aware they are helping to raise other children than their own.***

Really? That's very interesting... I am very involved with various children (some family members, some the friends of children- others via volunteering etc.) but I wouldn't say I am helping to raise them. I'd say I'm an influence- absolutely- but that does not IMO equal 'helping to raise'. I think that's the big difference here. Some people think that anyone who is influential in a child's life is helping to raise them- others see a difference between influence and helping to raise.

***i guess if one only shows up to church on sunday morning your scenario might be relevant***

No- not really. I went to church three times a week along with multiple other gatherings and functions while growing up and I NEVER had that sort of relationship with the pastor or youth leader. In fact I found them to be rather cold, distant and superior. *shrugs* Has nothing to do with how often one attends- but everything to do with what sort of person those people are and how well the child/parents hit it off with them.

***personally, i make time in my life to help others and as yet it has not had anything but a positive impact on my own life.***

How does not being intimately involved in the lives of other peoples children equal one being selfish and not helping others? That's quite a stretch.

Wytchy

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