Heart vs. Head: The work status decision

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Heart vs. Head: The work status decision
2102
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 1:03pm
Did you make your decision to SAH/WAH/WOH ft/pt based primarily on objective/tangible factors, or with your heart?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 6:47am
I'm glad I hit the nail on the head there, but I don't think you're interpreting my little analogy exactly the way I do. For me, there's an intellectual grasp of the fact that the lack of a coat doesn't matter on a practical level and that my preference for the coat reflects my bias, perfectionism, traditionalism, what have you. While for you, the coat (or their parents providing all their care) means "they'd do better", that it makes an important difference to them and their development.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 6:49am

What student wants all or most of his teachers, coaches and ministers "intimately involved" in his life anyway? Maybe a few such adults on an occasional basis, but children want to be with other children for the most part. Unless there is neglect or abuse.

It's fine and just may be sincere for the wohps here to say others are raising or even helping to raise their kids. Their opinion is irrelevant. The only relevant opinion is that of the coaches and teachers purportedly so bound to these children. I just don't believe coaches and teachers would agree they have been raising other people's children over the decades ~ nor were ready and willing to step in and take over as parent if the need had arisen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 6:59am

Thanks for the full 411 - most of it's familiar to me by now. I, too, am quite the homemaker, I really get into it all, so I totally KWYM. I've always WOHFT, but if money were no object I'd probably have done more SAH, too. For me it's a blast to make the mac 'n cheese at noon, take the spots out of all the little clothes, do the playdate thing, I love all of it.

BUT neither wanting to spend more than a couple of hours per day with one's kid, nor BF, nor homeschooling, are precluded by WOH, which seems to get posted here most days;-)

The piece about nobody loving one's child like a parent also gets addressed often, and quite honestly it doesn't convince me one bit. Not that it isn't true, but that IMO it's more important for a parent than for a kid.

I've used group care (small family dc) and illness wasn't a problem, although I'm aware there seems to be a slightly greater rate of illness among kids in dc centers.

The pieces about cost effectiveness and about wanting to hang with your kid a whole lot are about factors in parents' lives and not so much about what's optimal for kids, right?

I suppose I was expecting more in the way of *child focused* reasons to avoid othercare from you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 7:01am
Well, yeah, quality over quantity, of course. But there's a limit, right? When SAHP's talk about wanting to spend lots of time with their kids because that's what's good for kids, it seems inconsistent to claim it's okay to have that at the expense of the WOHP *not* having that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 7:06am
The agreement you've gotten on this point has been more that others' input is less important than parents' influence and not so much about how meaningful it is or isn't to distinguish between *helping to raise* vs. *helping parents to raise*. But I still think the thrust of what you mean is that neither one matters as much to you as that primary parental influence. I'm also convinced that when your kids are older you gain a better appreciation of just how much others have helped you with them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 7:09am

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Hold on there - the debate hasn't been about who's raising them. It's about *helping to raise* and *helping the parents to raise*. Has anyone claimed teachers are raising their kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 7:14am
More beneficial? If dual WOH gives a family more personal and financial resources to benefit all family members, then that's a big advantage. If othercare provides more in the way of social opportunities for kids, that's good, too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 7:23am
My first two years as a WOHM I worked for the school system. In my first job I worked only during school hours so my time with my kids was no different then when I was a SAHM. The second job I had to be at work at 6:30 a.m. so there was about an hour per day that I was out of the house while my children were awake. But that time was spent getting ready for school so I only really missed about 15 minutes (breakfast) of parent/child time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 7:56am

"...In situations like yours I'd say that it's probably something one *has* to happen into as a side-benefit rather than being able to plan for... That sounds rather complicated LOL! ;) "


Why would you think that it would have to be side-benefit and couldn't be planned for?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 8:08am

Wow, that's a lot!

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