Help! Husband pushing me to find job!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Help! Husband pushing me to find job!
1529
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 10:35am
My husband has just taken a leave of absense from his high paying 80 hour a week job to focus on being home more and finding out what he really wants to do. He is now working 3 days a week at a job he really likes. He always said if he took this job he would find another part time job to supplement the income. I am working weekends and babysitting during the week, but my income is a joke. Our kids are 5 and 3 and cry every weekend when I leave. My problem is this: my husband has put no effort in finding that 2nd job he said he would find and is pushing me to work full time. I want to be a stay at home mom, but it may mean him going back to a job he hates. He says the kids will adjust, get over it. Am I being selfish or lazy for wanting to stay home? Is he being selfish for leaving a good paying job?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 10:55am

I agree. And I think that in addition to myself, everyone in the room that night suffered from some post traumatic stress syndrome afterward. It was very scary. Part of the reason I did not have another child was that I felt like I'd be tempting fate. Near death experiences just arent my thing...

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 11:24am
Ditto. The oddest thing was that I had a very calm, quiet, internal realisation that I could die, that it simply was not working. That was long before the midwife or doctors caught on, by many hours. Of course I said nothing, because I did not want to appear hysterical, but it turned out I was completely right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 11:48am
Why do they have different responsibilities and who has decided what these responsibilities are?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 11:50am
Ahh, New or Old Testament? And I assume you are a Biblical and anthropological scholar to understand exactly what caring for the home entailed in the age of the Bible?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 12:16pm

Can you provide me evidence of when society was better when women were at home. Historically, I doubt you can. But go ahead and try and then Iwill provide you real data on drug use during that time (and I am talkin even pre civil war periods), crime, and standards of the dat which we would be appalled by now. Having a true understanding of history is usually the greatest asset in destroying the :good ol' days" mentality.

By the way in the past twenty years with the greatest participation of mothers in the work force we have seen the teenage pregnancy rate drop considerably, drug use for those between 13 and 17 drop, use of tabacco drop and violent crime drop. Seems to me when you actually look at the stats and not ancedotal evidence society is actually improving in the important areas.

Actually, the economic condition of our country is actually a greater predictor of the "deterioation" of society. Moreso than whether mothers are working outside of the home.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 4:24pm
I can see both sides of the story. Bottom line is one of you need to have a job that will completely support the family or both of you need to work. An 80 hour a week job is just crazy. How does he see the children and spend time with them? There is more to being a father than financial support. You need to come to an agreement that will work out best for both of you. He is right the kids will adjust and it sounds like you need to adjust too.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 6:57pm
Not me, the hospital work's me up, it has made my labor and delivery much more difficult.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 7:37pm

The man who gave me my epidural was my best friend in the whole world last March 13.


I was in very good condition and have a good pain threshold (was at 3 cm and didn't realize I was even in labor).


But honestly, once I got to 8 cm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 11:10pm

mom-jaci....I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU ON THIS POST!!!

I can't stand it when both parents are working outside the home, and there isn't the need for it. That to me is very selfish!!

I also can't stand the phrase...."Now-a-days it takes 2 incomes in a home to make it work." WRONG....our household makes it on one income, and we don't make over 35,000/yr. And we also have some "old younger debt" we are paying for.

So NO it doesn't take 2 incomes to make a household work!

I think that more women should be SAHM's and then the ratio of children acting up in schools would decrease tremendously. JMO

anyway...I say that you nor your husband are being selfish, just like my previous post. I say don't listen to the ones who say you are wrong for being or even wanting to be a SAHM....I think that is best way to raise children now-a-days. There are too many kids being either raised by grandparents, latch-key programs, daycares, etc....I say where are the parents in the world. JMO

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 12:14am

>our household makes it on one income, and we don't make over 35,000/yr. <

Where? That makes a difference. It does take us 2 incomes to make $35,000/yr. But then we live in San Diego county and dh is in a low-paying career which he loves. And for me to earn more would mean to move to a larger metropolitan area such as LA, San Francisco, Chicago, or New York which would mean moving away from family and dh's job. Neither of which I am willing to do. Family and dh's happiness are more important to me and our family. Besides I'm also not willing to put my career above my family. We each have a balance between family (including our extended families) and our careers.

Not all families live in low COL areas. And not all careers/jobs pay enough for an individual family to live on just one income. Nor do all families have the same monthly/yearly budget requirments. I'm glad it works for your family.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

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