Help! Husband pushing me to find job!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Help! Husband pushing me to find job!
1529
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 10:35am
My husband has just taken a leave of absense from his high paying 80 hour a week job to focus on being home more and finding out what he really wants to do. He is now working 3 days a week at a job he really likes. He always said if he took this job he would find another part time job to supplement the income. I am working weekends and babysitting during the week, but my income is a joke. Our kids are 5 and 3 and cry every weekend when I leave. My problem is this: my husband has put no effort in finding that 2nd job he said he would find and is pushing me to work full time. I want to be a stay at home mom, but it may mean him going back to a job he hates. He says the kids will adjust, get over it. Am I being selfish or lazy for wanting to stay home? Is he being selfish for leaving a good paying job?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 12:33am

Congratulations on living in an extremely low COL area!

Guess what? Not all people live there.

In NJ, where I live, $35k a year wont pay for a one bedroom apartment. A single person making $35k a year has to rent with roommates. Theres certainly NO WAY it would support a family.

You know what I think is selfish? People who want to SAH so badly that they jeopardize their marriages, their childrens' relationship with their fathers, and their childrens' ability to have a decent life and an education.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 1:21am

Chris,

We live in rural Texas. A town with only an est. 15,000 population. My Husband (didn't want to use DH because I am not sure what the D stands for) builds houses with his Dad and our other 2 employees. They frame them up and dry them in (for those of you who know what I am talking about). But I will say that our income various from month to month as most know...this is a seasonal job....all depends on the weather...and in TX....well you never from one day to the next. But I will also say....we do pay alot of our income monthly to bills, etc. We have cut our budget so I can be a SAHM...and it is a mutual decision. We don't eat out alot as we used too, among other stuff. You have to sacrifice to be a SAHM, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. My children come first...and even if it meant for me to home school them....we would do it.

Please don't anyone get offended...my other posts are JMO.

Blessings!
Sheila
Www.workathomeunited.com/SheilaP

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 1:27am

chaoticchemistry....sorry if I offended you. I don't live in a low COL area...what ever COL means. We also have a very home on 4 acres here in RURAL TEXAS. We pay good money for our home, etc....so please do not think that we are "low income", or in a low in come neighborhood or town. I think if anyone person wants to make it bad enough, and have their lives where they are suppose to be, or rely on God to help them out...they can and will make it work. Read my response to Chris if you'd like to know more.

BUT I am not selfish...and we DON'T nor would we EVER jeopardize our children at all! Nor do we jeopardize our marriage....etc. My husband & I choose this lifestyle, and I am sorry but we make it work for us. Maybe it's not for everyone....but is it for us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 1:40am

please tell me you dont really think it is only kids of wohm who act up in school - reality is that it is pretty much 50-50 when it comes to acting up kids. i believe one of the killers from columbine had a sahm, mahybe if she had woh he wouldnt have decided to shoot up his classmates. you can not tell from how kids look, act or behave if they have a sahm or a wohm. and what about those kids who have had both?

you know what, alot of times it does take two incomes to make a household work, and sometimes both parents just want to work. where i live you wouldnt get a mortgage on anything other than a dump making less than 35K a year. we live in one of the cheapest areas in our state and have just a regular 3 bedroom house for 5 people and our house payment is still $1500 a month.

there are alot of kids being raised by wohms and they are doing just as great a job as sahms. and yes, there are too many kids in this world in less than desirable situations but having a wohm is not one of them
Jennie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 1:48am

I APOLOGIZE....I think I didn't clarify my response well.

No I don't think it's only the WOHM's children whom act up in schools. But I do think (and know some) that some parents, not just moms or dads...take their jobs too seriously & their kids become second to their jobs. I feel those situations are VERY SAD!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 2:33am
and i know some sahms who sit on their butts all day while the kids watch tv and it is a sad situation. bad parents come from both sides, but their work status is not what makes them bad parents, just as it does not determine who is a good parent.
JEnnie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 2:37am
i have lived in texas and it is a pretty low cost of living (COL) area to live in. where i live a house on 4 acres would cost you upwards of $300,000 and you are not going to be able to afford that on less than 35K a year. when we sold our house in texas to buy a comparable house here was just about twice as much
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 2:40am
if you suddenly had to be a wohm do you really think all of a sudden your children wouldnt come first? it sure wasnt that way when i woh.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 2:48am
i am not surprised you find alot of people in texas who have moved there from other places, texas is the transient capital of the world. when i lived there i always thought it odd that there were so few people who had lived their all their lives. but what i also noticed is that as soon as they could they all tried to return home. compare that to where i live now where probably 75% of the people have lived here all their lives, and in our little town it is even more than that. for me, i miss my family dearly and daily and if there was work close to where they were we would move in a hearbeat, even if it meant having dual wohp's. it makes me sad when i think of all the things my kids are missing by not living close to family.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 2:59am
How one earth do you expect to plausibly claim you don't live in a low COL area, when you don't even know what that means?

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