Help! Husband pushing me to find job!
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Help! Husband pushing me to find job!
| Tue, 11-07-2006 - 10:35am |
My husband has just taken a leave of absense from his high paying 80 hour a week job to focus on being home more and finding out what he really wants to do. He is now working 3 days a week at a job he really likes. He always said if he took this job he would find another part time job to supplement the income. I am working weekends and babysitting during the week, but my income is a joke. Our kids are 5 and 3 and cry every weekend when I leave. My problem is this: my husband has put no effort in finding that 2nd job he said he would find and is pushing me to work full time. I want to be a stay at home mom, but it may mean him going back to a job he hates. He says the kids will adjust, get over it. Am I being selfish or lazy for wanting to stay home? Is he being selfish for leaving a good paying job?

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LOL! how am I supposed to pay my $1600/month mortgage on $35,000 per year??? Ain't going to happen. I make almost double that -- and barely survived as a single mom (read: NO extras).
NO. In OUR area of the country it does, in many, many cases, take TWO salaries.
Of course, I don't think for one minute that a mom has to sah to be a good mom. But, thanks, that's good for yet another laugh, LOL!
Carole
as a wohm AND a teacher, I find that ridiculous. kids get in trouble in roughly the same amounts -- whether from sah or woh hosueholds.
you know what the difference is in the last few years -- lots and lots of parents have NO CLUE about HOW to parent, how to discipline, etc. We have kids that are disrespectful and don't listen. THAT comes from parenting.
No. it has NOTHING to do with whether parents work -- and everything to do with parents not setting good models of behavior.
Carole
>>>>>>>>I can't stand it when both parents are working outside the home, and there isn't the need for it.
I'm curious about why anyone would consider this any of their business.
>>>>>>>>So NO it doesn't take 2 incomes to make a household work!
If a couple feels they need two incomes, why would anyone think they have a right to second-guess that?
>>>>>>>>>I think that more women should be SAHM's and then the ratio of children acting up in schools would decrease tremendously.
I would be interested in any evidence that supports such a statement.
>>>>>>>>don't listen to the ones who say you are wrong for being or even wanting to be a SAHM
I'll admit I have not read all the posts in this thread, but I haven't seen anyone say it's wrong to want to be a SAHM. In contrast, I have seen a great many that say it's wrong to be a WOHM. However, it is my personal belief that if one parent has to work 80 hours a week, and doesn't want to, so that the other parent can stay home, that's a recipe for disaster. If one parent drops dead from exhaustion or the resentment leads to divorce, I don't think that will be very good for the children. Nor do I think it's good for children not to have any time to spend with dad. Some people believe it is the absence of fathers in children's lives (as opposed to whether mom stays home or not) that has led to behavioral issues in school.
>>>>>>>>>>There are too many kids being either raised by grandparents, latch-key programs, daycares.
I'm unaware of a large number of grandparents caring for their grandchildren because the mother refuses to stay home, but if mom either needs to or wants to work, I see nothing wrong with the grandparents caring for the children. Quite the contrary, I see it as a good thing. I'm not sure I know what a "latch-key program" is, but I can tell you that I was a latch-key kid way before they had a name for it. I waited till I got married before I had children, I've been married more than two decades to the father of my kids, I have a Master's degree, I've never been arrested, and I own my own home. So, perhaps you'll tell me what's so bad about latch-key kids. While you're at it, please tell me what's so bad about day care. Both my children spent time in day care, and reaped enormous benefits as a result.
~Ghostwriter, M.A.
"You know what I think is selfish? People who want to SAH so badly that they jeopardize their marriages, their childrens' relationship with their fathers, and their childrens' ability to have a decent life and an education."
I don't live in a particularly high COL area but to have decent housing in a decent school district, save for retirement, save for college and still be able to enjoy life, it takes more than I make per year. We need dh's income too if we want a decent standard of living and a secure future.
I have to wonder how much people who live on so little manage to save. We couldn't save at all on just my income.
Oh come on. You could move into a run down shack on the wrong side of town if you really wanted to and all the benefits of you SAH would COMPLETELY offset the lousy education the local system would give your kids and the increased crime rate and think of the educations in real life your kids could learn hanging out in the streets because you can't afford activities to keep them busy, lol. Doncha know, SAH is a magic bullet. It offsets the good things our incomes buy and then some. Some people just have to believe this, don't they?
No thanks. I'll take living in a nice neighborhood, having good schools for my kids to attend, not having financial stress, being able to afford whatever my kids need and being able to save for the future. There is nothing about SAH that could make up for the loss of all of that and, besides, I GASP -- ENJOY having a nice life and providing a nice life for my kids. No it's not necessary but neither is SAH. We'd survive without it but life is better with it.
I've done the hand to mouth thing and it has it's drawbacks. It gets really old after a while.
>>>>>>>>it is a mutual decision
This is absolutely the key. First of all, you *want* to stay home. Not all moms do, and that doesn't make them bad moms. It makes them different from you, that's all. Second, your husband is willing to work as much as he has to, I presume, to make ends meet. If it took 80 hours a week, would that still be okay with both of you? It would mean he would be utterly exhausted and would have next to no time to spend with the kids. Still, if he was willing to do it, that would be okay. The problem comes in when the mom insists that the dad work 80 hours a week so they can pay their bills and she can stay home.
Also, I notice you advertised a website. Are you a WAHM or a SAHM? There's a difference. (Additionally, advertising is against the TOS for these boards.)
~Ghostwriter, M.A.
~Ghostwriter, M.A.
I live in a relatively low COL area in Virginia, not rural but also not northern Va. where the COL is through the roof. Around here, a house on 4 acres would be at least a half-a-million dollars. Try making that mortgage payment on $35K/yr. (In No. Va., a place like that would be well over a million dollars. The modest home I live in, if it was in No. Va., would cost three times what it's worth here.)
I really urge folks to get over this idea that we are all the same and face the same circumstances. Speaking of housing prices doesn't even take into account the wildly varying cost of food, gas, utilities, etc.
~Ghostwriter, M.A.
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