Help! Husband pushing me to find job!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Help! Husband pushing me to find job!
1529
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 10:35am
My husband has just taken a leave of absense from his high paying 80 hour a week job to focus on being home more and finding out what he really wants to do. He is now working 3 days a week at a job he really likes. He always said if he took this job he would find another part time job to supplement the income. I am working weekends and babysitting during the week, but my income is a joke. Our kids are 5 and 3 and cry every weekend when I leave. My problem is this: my husband has put no effort in finding that 2nd job he said he would find and is pushing me to work full time. I want to be a stay at home mom, but it may mean him going back to a job he hates. He says the kids will adjust, get over it. Am I being selfish or lazy for wanting to stay home? Is he being selfish for leaving a good paying job?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 11:31am

I totally understand what you are saying being from TX also, but my point is that just because others on this board don't live here....doesn't mean that we live in a COL area. All COL is different....that is common sense, and I don't like being attacked by them.

Also FOR THOSE WHO SEEM TO WANT TO DEBATE THIS ISSUE OF MY COL.....LET ME TELL YA....OUR MORTGAGR PYMT IS $815.00/MONTH....SO GEE...I GUESS THAT IS LESS THAN A $200 DIFFERENCE THAN THE POST OF THE PERSON WHO PAYS $1000/MONTH. ALSO ONE OF MY FRIENDS PAY $1000/MONTH...AND GUESS WHERE THE LIVE.....RURAL TEXAS! :)

IS MY POINT MADE NOW, THAT IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT PART OF THE WORLD YOU LIVE....ALL COL IS DIFFERENT, AND TO ME.....YOU HAVE TO MAKE SACRIFICES FOR YOU CHILDREN....PERIOD.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 11:34am

I think a lot of people dont save. I work part time for a local agency on aging and the number of people who come to us in desperate need of financial assistance is staggering. And Im not talking about people in their 80s who got priced out of living here by the taxes, Im talking about people just barely over 60 who never saved and are now pretty much screwed. Everyone claims they save and are financially secure, but I just dont see how its possible when I personally see so many people who have not and are in really bad situations.

I also think that some people live in such low COL areas of the country that they simply cant comprehend how much is costs to live in the Northeast or California or D.C. or around major city centers.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 11:35am
Low COL area does not mean "low income." It means that it is a cheap place to live. If you can live in a house, although you only make 35K a year, then your area is indeed low COL. I have no idea why this offends you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 11:38am
I am neither judging, nor criticizing. There is nothing bad about living in a low COL area, in fact, it is considered smart by most people. My dh and I moved to live in a low COL area, so we could do what we wanted to do. Why are you so offended by my explaining what COL means?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 11:41am

Not a "COL area," A LOW Cost Of Living area. Nobody is attacking you. We are simply pointing out that your area is cheaper than many other places in the country and that in many places, 815 bucks a month would not get you a place to live.

What is that you think COL area means?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 11:43am

>>I'm unaware of a large number of grandparents caring for their grandchildren because the mother refuses to stay home, but if mom either needs to or wants to work, I see nothing wrong with the grandparents caring for the children. Quite the contrary, I see it as a good thing. I'm not sure I know what a "latch-key program" is, but I can tell you that I was a latch-key kid way before they had a name for it. I waited till I got married before I had children, I've been married more than two decades to the father of my kids, I have a Master's degree, I've never been arrested, and I own my own home. So, perhaps you'll tell me what's so bad about latch-key kids. While you're at it, please tell me what's so bad about day care. Both my children spent time in day care, and reaped enormous benefits as a result.<<

FIRST let me say my reasoning for my OPINION on this is: GRANDPARENTS should be just that....grandparents....they have raised their children, why should they be having to raise their children's children? I would never EVER expect my parents or PIL to do this!!

As for the latch-key kid program, our town has a local church where children can go instead of going hme to an empty house until their parents get home around 5:30pm. It is an awesome program, and I WASN'T saying, if you'll go back & read my post, that they are bad children! I was merely stating IF one of the parents can be home for their children then WHY NOT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 11:47am

That is scary. I can't imagine being 60 and broke. When you're young, you can work. What do you do when you're old? People are living longer and longer. It takes a lot to make sure that they're secure.

I just read something recently about our savings rate in the United States being the worst it's been since the great depression. With Social Security poised to go belly up, this is not a good thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 11:51am

Some grandparents want to take care of their grandchildren. I would never "expect" my mom to stay home with my kids (when I have them), and I doubt she would want to. But there are plenty of grandparents who do want to stay home. Dbf's grandmother stayed home with him when he was a baby, and if she has the energy when we have kids, she might stay home with ours. (Shes only in her 60s so its a possibility)

Besides, grandparents who provide dc for their grandchildren arent "raising" them. The parents are raising them.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2005
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 11:51am

How is it criticism to say that rural Texas has a low cost of living in comparison to other places int he country?

I lvie in Teaxs myself. Currently we live in the Dallas area, but I also lived in Austin for five years. I travel all over the state for work, and I realize that there are lots of "rural" area. But if you are down south near the valley, or in east texas, or out west, the cost of living is still significantly cheaper than in the eares where many of these other posters live.

To be able to live off a $36000 annual wage and support a family is great for you. But in many areas of the country, that kind of wage is too low for the costs of housing.

I hope you realize that people are trying to pick on you about this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 11:58am

Its totally scary. Especially with the first waive of boomers hitting 60. The aging population in this country is set to skyrocket in the next few years and millions of these people will be utterly unable to care for themselves in old age.

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