Help! Husband pushing me to find job!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Help! Husband pushing me to find job!
1529
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 10:35am
My husband has just taken a leave of absense from his high paying 80 hour a week job to focus on being home more and finding out what he really wants to do. He is now working 3 days a week at a job he really likes. He always said if he took this job he would find another part time job to supplement the income. I am working weekends and babysitting during the week, but my income is a joke. Our kids are 5 and 3 and cry every weekend when I leave. My problem is this: my husband has put no effort in finding that 2nd job he said he would find and is pushing me to work full time. I want to be a stay at home mom, but it may mean him going back to a job he hates. He says the kids will adjust, get over it. Am I being selfish or lazy for wanting to stay home? Is he being selfish for leaving a good paying job?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 1:43pm
Thank you!

Sabina

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 1:48pm

"furthermore....I have never nor will I ever be prejudice."

REALLY? Sayingt that you "can't stand" to see moms work outside the home when they "could" be home is pretty much being prejudiced against moms that do....it goes beyond opinion when it becomes that vitriolic.

I've worked my daughters whole life (she's nearly 8) I worked before I got divorced I work now. I worked before i came out of the closet as a lesbian and I work now. I work to shelter and clothe us, save for college, save for retirement and because....drumroll please. I LOVE my job. And I LOVE my daughter. Oddly enough the two are suprisingly compatible...

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 2:25pm
That is what we are talking about. Many large metro areas, like NY, Boston, SF and LA have house prices in that range. Again, houses around a half to a whole million for a basic house with a decent public school, nothing terribly fancy. Unless one or the other spouse has an outrageously well paid job, it really is unrealistic to live on one income in a place like that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 3:30pm

You have stated that your dh has a job. Does that mean that your DH puts your children second and his job first?

Your personal experience is just that personal and anecdotal. It does not mean that all jobs are so demanding and it does not mean that all parents who work put their job ahead of their children.

Sometimes having both parents work is actually *more* family and child friendly than having one sah and one woh. Sometimes having a sah/woh family is best for fostering a healthy family. All families have different opportunities, circumstances, experiences, individual and group personalities and availabilities. That means what is best for one family is not neccessarily best for another. It is up to each family to make that determination for themselves. It may also mean that the Dad may be the best person to sah. It may mean that it may be best for both parents to work reduced hours. It may mean it is best to have one fulltime woh and one part time woh...........

For example I, for one, would not be a sahp is it meant that we could not adequately save for our children's college or our retirement. Other families feel differently.

J

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 3:31pm
No need to shout. And since your clarification was for the benefit of others, specifically not me, I thought maybe your screen name was some sort of exclamation ... you know, like WAHOOOOO!

~Ghostwriter, M.A.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 3:36pm
Ditto, DJ. I feel very fortunate that I was able to find a WAH situation that suited both my needs and those of my family. I've never tried to pretend I was something other than a WAHM, since I think there is a world of difference between that and a SAHM. And you're absolutely right about setting a great example for kids by having ambition and motivation. I waited til my youngest was 12 then returned to college to finish my undergrad degree before going on to grad school. Since my children are grown and I have the benefit of seeing the results of my parenting skills, I'm able to know that seeing me work hard to achieve my goals has inspired them to do likewise. We're all very proud of each other.

~Ghostwriter, M.A.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 3:42pm

But thats just it, its not *attacking* you to question your opinion. Its a debate board, which means that if you post an opinion, you need to be able to back it up with valid reasoning as to WHY you feel that way. And when you make conflicting statements, as in saying you think its wrong for 2 parents to woh, then getting upset at being *judged* for thinking that way, you will get asked to clarify your position.

No one is trying to be hurtful, they are debating you. And you do realize that telling a working mom that she is somehow less of a mom or doesnt have her priorities in orde is a huge judgement and a very unfair one.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 3:53pm

As I recall, your opinion was stated approximately thus: "I can't stand it when both parents work when they don't have to."

You also went on to make statements about children's misbehavior in school being tied to WOHMs, grandparents raising grandchildren because of WOHMs, and that you disagreed with "latch-key programs" and children being raised in "day care."

If I made any errors in my recollection of what you said, please feel free to correct me, but assuming I'm approximately correct, it seems surprising that you didn't think anyone was going to be offended by that. Not only are there a lot of WOHMs here, but there are a lot of people who were raised by WOHMs. I happen to be one of them, as I previously mentioned.

~Ghostwriter, M.A.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 4:21pm

dj from what I can see, obviously my posts either haven't been read or they've been taken out of context. I've went back & read them, no where did I saY that it is wrong to be wohm....I merely said that if both parent's DON'T have to woh, then it is selfish to do so.

I think to each their own.

I am also sick feeling like this subject took a turn to be towards me, when in fact I didn't even start the subject to begin with. I merely stated my opinion like everyone else and I have now become the topic of conversation. So I am making this last post on this subject....so I hope that no else responds regarding me, and that you all can go on with your conversation with out it being about me. THANKS.

Have a great day!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2005
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 4:27pm

Ladies,


To avoid having posts removed or threads closed, please:


* Refrain from making comments about the individual people or talking about each other in a negative light
* Debate the issues, not the people
* Consider your words carefully and remember to speak respectfully to and about each other


If we can't get the debate back on track, the thread will be closed in order to avoid further disruption.


Thank you!



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