Help! Husband pushing me to find job!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Help! Husband pushing me to find job!
1529
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 10:35am
My husband has just taken a leave of absense from his high paying 80 hour a week job to focus on being home more and finding out what he really wants to do. He is now working 3 days a week at a job he really likes. He always said if he took this job he would find another part time job to supplement the income. I am working weekends and babysitting during the week, but my income is a joke. Our kids are 5 and 3 and cry every weekend when I leave. My problem is this: my husband has put no effort in finding that 2nd job he said he would find and is pushing me to work full time. I want to be a stay at home mom, but it may mean him going back to a job he hates. He says the kids will adjust, get over it. Am I being selfish or lazy for wanting to stay home? Is he being selfish for leaving a good paying job?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 5:45pm
Wahu, you said you weren't going to post here anymore, and I took you at your word. I posted some fairly exact quotes from your original post and pointed out why people might have been offended by what you said. If you choose not to consider where the problem may have begun and instead want to point the finger at others for attacking you, then's your prerogative, but calling people "selfish" because they may choose to work instead of stay home with their kids, regardless of their financial ability to do otherwise, tends to get people a little upset. I was trying to defend you. I thought maybe you didn't fully consider that you were making a blanket statement about real live human beings who have simply chosen differently from you. I see now that you meant what you said.

~Ghostwriter, M.A.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 6:32pm

Good post.

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 6:32pm
Debate does not mean everyone posts their opinion but noone comments on anyone else's. It means that if you post something here, it is up for debate, or discussion and disagreement. It's not immoral to disagree with you, sorry.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 6:56pm

Did I personally say "mkatherine" you are selfish for working outside your home?

NO I DIDN'T. AAMOF...what I should have posted is this "if there is no NEED for a second income, and you can make it on one...then you are putting your money needs infront of your children if you insist on working and not staying home with your children no matter if you are a woman or a man" DOES THAT MAKE MORE SENSE TO ALL OF YOU?

Do all of you carry your feelings on your sleeve about WOHM'S OR WOHD'S? Get over it is what I say. Why care what anyone else's opinions are....we should live our life for ourselves and our families....not people on a message board. For crying out loud.

I wasn't going to post anymore but you all are still ATTACKING my opinion....OH wait should I actually say DEBATING it. If I am no longer in the conversation why talk about me or my opinions? You all just kept it going instead of dropping it. Why?

So you all must think I am a selfish witch for staying home with my children...right? Good grief....what is the big deal? I simply posted a msg giving the lady who asked the original question my opinion in that I didn't believe either of them were being selfish...and now look what it has turned into. THE POST WAS FOR HER, not everyone else. So maybe everyone else needed to mind their own business.

ANOTHER THING....I don't see anything that says this is a "DEBATE MESSAGE BOARD"....where does it say that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 7:06pm
Oh I am sorry I do have you confused with someone that said their husband works 80 hours a week just so the Mom can stay at home. Sorry about that. Disregard my posting. I had read so many I was confused. Trish :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 7:08pm

>>"if there is no NEED for a second income, and you can make it on one...then you are putting your money needs infront of your children if you insist on working and not staying home with your children no matter if you are a woman or a man"<<

And this is better....how?

The thing is, people disagreeing with you does not = attacking, nor does it mean they give a rat's patootie what you think of them. And many of the people who think you are dead wrong are SAHMs.

Posting on a message board is for public viewing. Email is for things that are personal for one person. It says debate on the top of the page. Noone is telling you to keep coming back here if you don't like the debate format.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 7:10pm

No biggie....but thanks for letting me know.

I totally understand about there being so many posts on this one topic to read that you can easily get confused. I wish I had never posted on this topic anyway. It's became too heated and "ignorrent" if you ask me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 7:18pm

Actually the word "debate" is no where on the page is says discussion....my page looks like this, does everyone's page not look the same?

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Why should I support someone else?
Help! Husband pushing me to find job!

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 7:21pm

Um...this board is listed under debate boards at Ivillage -- there is a disclaimer at the top of the board that says 'this is a debate board" the title is stay at home VS work which implies a debate...that's where it is posted.

And you have to understand that if you say you think women who work outside the home when in your perception they don't "need' to then yes I will take it personally. I worked marrie and I work as a divorce and I would work if I married amillionaire (well not like THAT's gonna happen b/c I can't legally marry woman millionair or note and there's no way I'd marry a man again LOL) because I love what I do. I love my work it makes me happy and I love my child and she makes me happy. all in all -- win win. But that being said, I relish a good intelligent well thought out debate -- which si why I love watching some of our most militant SAHMS stick to their guns in a reasoned way even though I disagree with them, it's why I love pnjsmom go to bat with her statistics on sound financial planning. we all bring something to this discussion.

I'm in a leadership program in my state and had the good fortune to spend all day yesterday with members of our stage legislature doing some mock legislative hearings witha former speaker of the house. The Speaker ( a woman. and mom even! LOL) said that she had seen legislators literally shouting at each other over a bill, then the votes taken, one side loses, they shake hands and move on. That's debate...and that's what we have here. What we don't have here is handholding for anyone's feelings --we don't allow personal attacks but we will debate everything from work status to the ethical nature of knock off handbags to who has 6 oz wine glasses and who has 8 oz wine glasses.... it's...what we do...




Edited 2/10/2007 7:24 pm ET by mkatherine

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 7:27pm

Wow. I've been coming here a long time, it has always said debate before. Regardless, even if it doesn't say it specifically, it's obvious this isn't a support board, by the paragraph you copy and pasted. Beyond that, it's listed as Stay at Home vs. Work Debate on the main page you say you got here on, and is under the heading Debates and Hot Topics.

"Debates & Hot Topics

* Hot Topic: Love Thy Neighbor - Or Not? new
* Hot Topic: Too Much Nip And Tuck?
* ADD/ADHD Medication Debate
* Hot Topic: The End of Roe vs. Wade?
* Abortion Debate
* Breast vs. Bottle
* Childbirth Choices Debate
* Circumcision Debate
* Current Debates
* Discipline Styles Debate
* Education Issues Debate
* Gender Selection Debate

* Hot Debates
* Hot Topic: A Little Bit Racist?
* Hot Topic: Those Breastfeeding Ads
* Hot Topic: Too Old to Be a Mom?
* Moms & Politics
* Morality Debate
* Parenting Issues Debate
* Religion Debate
* Stay at Home or Work Debate
* Stepmoms / Bio Moms Debate
* Vaccination Debate
* Welfare Debate

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