Help! Husband pushing me to find job!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Help! Husband pushing me to find job!
1529
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 10:35am
My husband has just taken a leave of absense from his high paying 80 hour a week job to focus on being home more and finding out what he really wants to do. He is now working 3 days a week at a job he really likes. He always said if he took this job he would find another part time job to supplement the income. I am working weekends and babysitting during the week, but my income is a joke. Our kids are 5 and 3 and cry every weekend when I leave. My problem is this: my husband has put no effort in finding that 2nd job he said he would find and is pushing me to work full time. I want to be a stay at home mom, but it may mean him going back to a job he hates. He says the kids will adjust, get over it. Am I being selfish or lazy for wanting to stay home? Is he being selfish for leaving a good paying job?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 2:24pm
I smell a pyramid scheme.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 2:53pm
Yes, the repeated references to "non-toxic products" was a bit of a clue, wasn't it?

~Ghostwriter, M.A.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 3:55pm

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No, not really. You have yet to give anything approaching a coherent REASON for believing that two incomes in a home that might struggle by on one is selfish.

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No. Many of the people who disagree with you--like me, for instance, are SAHMs. Furthermore there seems to be no logical progression to your hypothesis. Why would you suggest that anyone who accepts the idea of dual WOHPs automatically thinks SAHPs are selfish?

You also seem to be quite offended by the fact that just because you've decided you don't want to discuss this topic anymore the rest of us don't feel obligated to follow suit. So what if we DO want to continue to discuss it? If you don't want to, there's a ridiculously simple solution--don't. We aren't "making" you do anything. You're making that decision all on your own. if it pains you, quit doing it. But in either case, quit blaming the members here for your decisions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 3:58pm
Could be, had not thought of that. Recently I noticed that Herbalife (remember those guys?) has moved into Greece/Balkans big time! I guess they have run out of victims stateside.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 4:07pm

Perhaps if you'd bothered to read the guidelines to the community--the same guidelines that are linked in the quote from the board you just posted.

Here's the first sentence in that guideline. Caps are for emphasis and were added by me.

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This is a debate board. It's listed by iVillage under the heading of "Pregnancy & Parenting Message Boards" with the subheading of "Debates and Hot Topics" with the title of "Stay at Home or Work Debate."

Shy of the CEO of iVillage contacting you personally and confirming that this board is a debate board, I'm unsure what more iVillage could do to make it clearer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 6:52pm

how funny. I posted to you what you just said I'm not representative of. I said that LDS believe these things but they would not go about judging others on it. I think then I told you that I'm discussing it here in a debate forum but that by no means says judgment...only that I'm expressing my views, just as you are.

I am very representative of the LDS community as our beliefs are pretty much in sync with the doctrine and that our IRL activities would never step beyond someone's rights or feelings (well hopefully no one out there is speaking out against women working unless they are discussing it like we are here in terms of "this is my belief" when the topic is raised and they are moved upon to share their beliefs.

It's funny to see that you repeated what I said almost verbatim and then said I don't represent the LDS community for what we truly believe. How odd.

O

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 6:58pm

LDS are not Bible literalists, we believe in the interpretation by the Holy Spirit. While we may not individually agree on certain aspects of interpretation there are many things which are doctrine and the roles of men and women are doctrinal.

No it would be a sin to object to attempting to magnify one's divine role as a mother and/or a father just as it would be a sin as a traditional mother/father to not seek for further education and knowledge and experiences.

If that doesn't make sense please let me know.

O

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 7:02pm

Being able to save is a valid reason for working. The generation following the baby boomers will not have the luxury of pensions or social security to fall back on when they retire. Nor will they enjoy lifelong medical benefits at an ex employers expense. The dismal savings rate for the united states is indeed reason to go to work and is indeed a SAH/WOH issue if you're SAH and not saving.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 7:05pm

SAH families earn less and have less to save so their savings rates would have to be much higer to match the amounts saved by those who earn more.

I don't know that there's any data pointing to differences in SAH/WOH for savings rates but it stands to reason that the less you have the less you have to save and I, personally, know to many SHAM's who live on a shoestring in order to SAH.

That's not to say that SAH families can't save. They can but it's a valid question to ask. If you're SAH and not saving, it's time to go to work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 7:16pm

I think by dropping digital and an extra tier, we save $14 a month.


Our cable bill (including internet, which I need for work at the very least) is about $110-$115.

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