Help! Husband pushing me to find job!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Help! Husband pushing me to find job!
1529
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 10:35am
My husband has just taken a leave of absense from his high paying 80 hour a week job to focus on being home more and finding out what he really wants to do. He is now working 3 days a week at a job he really likes. He always said if he took this job he would find another part time job to supplement the income. I am working weekends and babysitting during the week, but my income is a joke. Our kids are 5 and 3 and cry every weekend when I leave. My problem is this: my husband has put no effort in finding that 2nd job he said he would find and is pushing me to work full time. I want to be a stay at home mom, but it may mean him going back to a job he hates. He says the kids will adjust, get over it. Am I being selfish or lazy for wanting to stay home? Is he being selfish for leaving a good paying job?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 7:18pm
Yup, that's my point.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2006
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 7:40pm

Really? I believe I think I'd be smart eough to determine your comtempt for me and my beliefs if I met you IRL. The LDS community in SLC that I was personally involved in, had a true Christian spirit that did not judge others and lived their religion inclusively of others; they did intellectually disect the differences of non-believers for no purpose than to expose the divide. The content of character seemed the measure of their associations. Of course, you may be right, I do not know their heart, but the demonstration of their spirit was truly remarkable and I saw more common ground than great divide.

Edited for clarity




Edited 2/11/2007 8:16 pm ET by currieri
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 7:57pm

IME, families with sah/woh parents do not neccessarily earn less. That is why they decided to have a sahp- one spouse earns a good/great salary.

DO you have any data that shows that dual woh families earn significantly more (to cover incremental tax burden and daycare costs) than woh/sah families? Or that the savings of dual woh families is higher than woh/sah families?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 8:14pm

OIC, apparently, the world began during WWII when women were working out of the home b/c the majority of their men (that translates into their money) were fighting in the Great war. hmmmm....

So, your idea is that women mostly worked out of the home prior to WWII?

O

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 8:30pm

certainly our LDS nanny would never have said NOR thought that I was in any way "abdicating my parental responsibility" by working....and I'm sure that she came to terms with her own need to work -- and certainly never saw herself as abdicating her wifely responsibilities.

FWIW, I have NO problem with what YOU believe. However, when you try to use YOUR doctrine for MY life, then that's a HUGE problem. I seem to be doing a FINE job all on my own to woh and raise my kids.

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 8:39pm

no. the FACT is that before WWII, MOST women worked AT HOME. They were WORKING to survive. They did not have the "conveniences that we have today -- dishwashers, washers, dryers, etc. Also, many of them made goods to be sold at the local general store, took in clothing to be mended, etc -- ALL to add to the bottom line monetarily.

They certainly were not spending hours and hours and hours playing with the little ones. THAT is certainly a post WWII invention.

The fact is that women have been WORKING either at home OR out-of-the-home for centuries. And, if i remember my history lesson (from some of the more knowledgable women here, LOL!), in the middle ages those women that didn't have to work (read: wealthy) had SERVANTS that DID raise their children. They certainly weren't down on the floor playing with them.

Bottom line -- children have NEVER needed our full 24/7 to turn out to be good, productive citizens.

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 8:41pm
They have North America pretty much as saturated as it's gonna get.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 8:46pm
I think that whether a family saves or not has very little to do with how much money comes into the household and a lot more to do with who spendhappy they are. Most of the people I know who save diligently make very little money on the grand scale.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 8:53pm

I looked this up about a year ago in census data and families with a SAHP do earn, significantly, less than those with dwp's, which is really scary when you figure that some of the wealthiest families are more likely to have a SAHP than any other tier. With the wealthiest of families counted among those having SAHP's and the average income being lower, there have to be a lot of families with SAHP's living on a prayer.

Unfortunately, the government has since changed their website and I can't find anything in the data. It's there though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 8:55pm

There are children whose step-parents are far better equipped to raise them well than their biological parents.>>>>

I agree that some step parents are better able to raise children than a biological parent. My dh is a classic case where the bio father was not really his dad but his adopted dad was. He never met his bio dad until we were 26 and he's the only sibling who has met him.

I agree, a single mom is better where there is an abusive father.

I disagree that gay parents are better than foster care. While some foster care is horrid( I know, I have a family member who is unfortunately untouchable by any of us as he has been made a ward of the state and has numerous issues none of are equipped to deal with) to me, gay parenting is just not a viable option. I don't view gay parenting as a stable option.

A viable option would be for more heterosexual couples who can and are willing to adopt or foster children for the right reasons to step up and do it.

As for your scenarios....we believe that disability, death or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptations to what we believe about mothers being the primary care givers. We believe that extended family should lend help when able to do so. We believe we should take our needs to our father in heaven and listen intently for His answer and act upon the answer.

O

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

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