Help! Husband pushing me to find job!
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Help! Husband pushing me to find job!
| Tue, 11-07-2006 - 10:35am |
My husband has just taken a leave of absense from his high paying 80 hour a week job to focus on being home more and finding out what he really wants to do. He is now working 3 days a week at a job he really likes. He always said if he took this job he would find another part time job to supplement the income. I am working weekends and babysitting during the week, but my income is a joke. Our kids are 5 and 3 and cry every weekend when I leave. My problem is this: my husband has put no effort in finding that 2nd job he said he would find and is pushing me to work full time. I want to be a stay at home mom, but it may mean him going back to a job he hates. He says the kids will adjust, get over it. Am I being selfish or lazy for wanting to stay home? Is he being selfish for leaving a good paying job?

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The typical Japanese family saves 18.1% of their income.
The typical American family saves -2.2% (after taxes).
O
"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&
And your reasoning being? I know many gay couples raising remarkable children, just like hetero dual parents and single (gay or straight) parents - the quality of parenting is always the measure of commitment and ability to parent.
If your belief is based on your religion alone, e.g. Leviticus, please feel free to disregard my question.
Edited to add: I am the product of 16 years of Catholic school education and Irish Catholic background, currently exploring a UU and UC church, but basically agnostic.
Edited 2/11/2007 9:29 pm ET by currieri
Women worked both in and out of the home prior to WWII. Perhaps you should read up on history a bit. And working in the home usually did *not* primarily mean caring for the children.
I think you are seeing the past through some very rose-colored glasses
Dj
"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~
Apparently, many men would not be satisfied with this type of arrangement. I think the women's perceptions about men being okey dokey with their women providing and them remaining at home on this board are rather skewed.
Shaunti Feldhahn had this to say about her experiences while interviewing thousands of men for her book : "for women only" what you need to know about the inner lives of men
She said in chapter 4 called "The Loneliest Burden"
~In my interviews I was startled to hear the explicit mental certainty most men had about their role as the family provider. Whatever a man's wife felt about it, whatever she did or didn't earn, he felt that providing was "his" job. Period.
I was surprised that so many men echoed the same conviction: "I love my wife, but I can't depend on her to provide. That's my job."
In several interviews, the man's wife was sitting right next to him. One wife, shocked, turned to her husband and said, "but I've always worked! I've always contributed to th efamily budget!"
His gentle response: "You working or not is irrelevant. Not to the family budget---it does ease some of the financial pressure. But it is irrelevant to my "need" to provide."
.......Consider the stunning results from the survey. First, his need to provide goes so deep that even if you personally brought enough money to nicely support the whole family, your man would probably still feel compelled to provide.
(the survey question: Suppose your wife/so earned enough to support your family's lifestyle. Would you stilil feel a compulsion to provide for your family? (choose one answer))
YES 78%
NO 22%
on a scale of 0% to 100%
It didn't matter whether the men were married or single, religious or not, old or young---three out of four felt this compulsion. The only major difference was an ethnic one: The compulsion was "stronger" among minority groups.
You can find her book at amazon books among other sites.
O
"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&
O
"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&
O
"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&
I'd guess that opinion is based solely on religion.
Thank goodness that this viewpoint does not hold the majority. More and more gay families are able to adopt. I cannot imagine ANYONE would say that a child languishing in foster care for 18 years is *better* than a loving home with gay parents. Obviously not very well aquainted with the foster care system in this country.
It breaks my heart that there is still so much homophobia and hate in this world.
Dj
"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~
So? I've already said that savings rates are low in the United States. We have a lot of catching up to do with the rest of the world.
18% is pretty good if that's savings for retirement. I know private schooling is common in Japan, it's possible some of that saving is for that. Their work week makes it very difficult to have two working parents. Knowing that, I'll bet there is heavy incentive to save before you have kids and not live beyond your means.
Edited 2/11/2007 9:54 pm ET by gr8fulmom1
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