Help! Husband pushing me to find job!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Help! Husband pushing me to find job!
1529
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 10:35am
My husband has just taken a leave of absense from his high paying 80 hour a week job to focus on being home more and finding out what he really wants to do. He is now working 3 days a week at a job he really likes. He always said if he took this job he would find another part time job to supplement the income. I am working weekends and babysitting during the week, but my income is a joke. Our kids are 5 and 3 and cry every weekend when I leave. My problem is this: my husband has put no effort in finding that 2nd job he said he would find and is pushing me to work full time. I want to be a stay at home mom, but it may mean him going back to a job he hates. He says the kids will adjust, get over it. Am I being selfish or lazy for wanting to stay home? Is he being selfish for leaving a good paying job?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 7:22am
What percentage of Japanese families have dual incomes?

~Ghostwriter, M.A.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 7:25am

My husband would have done back-flips down the street if I had announced that I wanted him to stay home and raise the kids while I took care of providing all the income our household needed. He's pretty much told me this. You aren't suggesting he was lying to me, are you?

With that said, he is a good provider and a hard worker. And so am I. We are very proud of each other.

~Ghostwriter, M.A.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 7:27am

>>>>>>>There can still be one best way to do something.

There can be. But in this particular case, what's best for one family is not necessarily best for another. Also, if there is not agreement on what the best way is, then a person can't exactly hold out *her* way as the best way.

~Ghostwriter, M.A.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 7:31am
Yes, but you've also got to consider the skyrocketing cost of housing. 10 years ago, the house I live in sold for a third of what it's worth today. I don't know about you, but no one in this family got a 65% raise over the last 10 years. More and more of people's incomes are going just to keep a roof over their heads. It's one reason why so many mothers are in the work force. You can only squeeze back on things so much before you just can't do it on one income anymore, even if you want to. And most families don't consider it an option to live in a bad neighborhood, where housing costs are lower, just so one parent can stay home with the kids. There are better options, in the opinion of many, including me.

~Ghostwriter, M.A.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 7:44am

I'm sure mass media has a lot to do with our "got to have it now" society, but parents can teach their kids differently if they try.

Both my parents grew up with nothing. So when they got a little bit of money and could finally have some of the things they saw their friends and neighbors with ... a decent care, nice furniture, carpet in the house, that kind of thing ... they bought it. They did not teach me to save.

My husband, on the other hand, was raised by a SAHM who had all the money she needed and bought whatever she wanted. So, even though they were still able to save, they didn't teach him how to do it. They were among the lucky ones who could buy whatever they wanted and still have money leftover.

So, the two of us together were not a good combination when it came to managing money. And we've learned a lot of lessons the hard way.

Also, personality has something to do with it. My oldest son was never the "gimme, gimme" kind of kid. He still isn't. And when he wants something, he saves for it. This year, for instance, he had no trouble telling everyone, including his gf, that he would not be buying Christmas gifts, because he needed to save to pay his college tuition. He rarely buys clothes and wears his shoes till they have holes in them before he buys new ones. He was able to buy a new car for himself when he was 20 years old, negotiating a great deal on a sensible vehicle, and the only other bills he has are his car insurance and his cell phone, because he's chosen to live at home while he goes to college. (Which is fine with me, of course!)

The younger one has a bit more of a consumption mentality, but he's also suffered a few cases of buyer's remorse that have taught him some pretty good lessons. He saved all of his graduation money so he could buy himself a computer, and he shopped for about 6 weeks before he finally settled on the best deal.

Both of them have been taught that credit cards are deadly. Personally, I never use them, but I used to, and it's going to be a few more years before I'm out of the hole. Nevertheless, I have a regular (and fairly substantial) transfer to savings every week out of my checking account, and I touch it only in emergencies.

~Ghostwriter, M.A.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 7:52am
I would agree it probably has something to do with whether you are taught as a child to save your money, but it also has to do with economic reality. How much would you be able to save on your $30K income if a modest 1,500 sq. ft. home in a decent neighborhood cost you $300K? That's the reality many families are facing.

~Ghostwriter, M.A.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 8:03am

I guess we will have to agree to disagree. I have not seen a difference between gay parents couples and hetero couples in terms of stability. Certainly, the gay family has more hurdles and more stress- but that is a result of our culture and laws- not as a result of their "gayness". Even then, there are places that are more receptive than others where the aditional issues would be considerabley less.

My Congregation has lost many gay families because of our proximity to Maryland. Maryland is much more friendly to them than Virginia. It is our loss.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 8:10am

actually 10 years is a measuring stick for me and my family because it's been since 1996 (more than 10 years,now) that we've been away from home....in that time,i've seen my husband's income plument and rebound. dh is making 3X more than he did in 1996.

i agree that the market isn't cheap. but company loyalty doesn't exist,either........i'm not advocating that everybody move around the country to find career success,but i do believe if you stick to a comfort zone and remain apart from the fact that in order to remain marketable,it may require a move,then it may very well limit you to an out of reach life. and i'm happy to report that my children aren't being raised to realize that the be all/end all of family closeness is living within a block or mile from eachother. my dd wants to grow up and live in nyc. more power to her if she finds it. it'll give her dad and me someplace to visit and stay. ;)




Edited 2/12/2007 8:13 am ET by egd3blessed

 

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 8:12am

You know, sometimes all you want to do is live your life, have a home, have a partner, raise your kids, pay your taxes contribute to the community, take a vacation now and then and just have a family and a life like the rest of the world and you think you're doing just fine...the child is doing well in school, work is good, you and your partner are happy...life's good and then bam! someone is telling you you're unstable. You know I live in a small state whereI'm considered a leader in my field, I've been recognized by our statewide (conservative) newspaper as such, I've been appointed toa prestigious leadership program I garner alot of respect for what i do for our state ....but because of who I love and the simple fact that all I want to do is love the woman who means the world to me and raise my child in peace I'm considered unstable/perverted/radical/and abomination (take your pick..it changes depending on who's hurling the accusation)

sigh. it does wear a soul down ....

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 8:19am
i commend you...you can come here and debate *without* sharp ridicule,criticism or opinion of anyone/anything else....you're one of the person's that does impress me here,mkatherine. hugs.

 

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