Help! Husband pushing me to find job!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Help! Husband pushing me to find job!
1529
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 10:35am
My husband has just taken a leave of absense from his high paying 80 hour a week job to focus on being home more and finding out what he really wants to do. He is now working 3 days a week at a job he really likes. He always said if he took this job he would find another part time job to supplement the income. I am working weekends and babysitting during the week, but my income is a joke. Our kids are 5 and 3 and cry every weekend when I leave. My problem is this: my husband has put no effort in finding that 2nd job he said he would find and is pushing me to work full time. I want to be a stay at home mom, but it may mean him going back to a job he hates. He says the kids will adjust, get over it. Am I being selfish or lazy for wanting to stay home? Is he being selfish for leaving a good paying job?

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Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 8:23am
Thanks! You made my day! ;-)
(and might I say "backatcha!" )

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 8:55am

Obviously, every situation is different. We relocated in 1992 after my husband got laid off. It was very scary. My only sibling had already moved 2,000 miles away. My in-laws had already relocated to another state, and my husband's only sibling lived some 600 miles away (and she passed away in 1995). Fortunately, we were able to convince my parents to relocate in our area when they retired 9 years ago, so they were able to watch their only grandchildren (at the time) grow up. (Since my brother lives so far away, they have seen their newest grandchild only a handful of times in her 4 years.) Through sheer luck (or divine intervention), they found a home in our neighborhood. Now they are elderly and have suffered some serious health issues, so relocating at this stage of our lives in search of a better paying job would not be morally right for us, even if we wanted to, which we don't. We love where we live and the life we have built here, and I can't imagine saying to my grown children, "See ya! Dad got a great job in another state, so we're outta here. Good luck on your own."

Coming from a very small family, I don't think people should under-estimate the importance of family ties. It's one thing if you really truly cannot find a job where you live (such was the case with us), but to leave your support system behind in search of greener grass is not always the best thing either.

~Ghostwriter, M.A.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 8:58am
Katherine, accusations such as the one you're responding to say much more about the person who is doing the accusing than they do about the person they're pointing the finger at.

~Ghostwriter, M.A.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 9:00am

(((HUGS)))


Try not to let her comment bother you.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 9:03am
Too funny, we just commented that it was this past weekend that marked the tenth anniversary in our current house. Our household income has nearly doubled and if I were still working would have nearly tripled in that time - but even if I were still working I don't think we could afford it today unless we had a massive down payment. A tripling of income does not mean a tripling of take home - the tax burden is much higher.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 9:11am
and one more thing,a lot of misunderstanding wrt diverse families is because of ignorance...i'm catholic like you and the number one thing i love about my church here is how it embraces all relationships - they have minstries for the divorced,for the homosexuals and marriage enrichment. and that's a great thing not all churches i've come across have!! my kids come home and ask why the palestinian mom at school is draped in cloth from head to toe (quite common). they've not seen two daddys or two mommys yet but if they do,my hope would be that they treat it the same way they treat a family with a mommy and daddy. respect.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 9:11am

The tide is turning. Don't let a cyber debater get you down.

You are opening doors by being out on the board - it took guts. You add a great persepctive.

j

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 9:14am

Not sure where you got that...you read WAY more into that post than was there.


I am not relying on SS.

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 9:23am
that sounds like a GREAT parish you have! i'm very impressed. the parish attached to my dds school has tended to be very ultra conservative but our now 82 year old pastor is retiring so we'll see if the winds of change begin to blow LOL. The approach I've always taken is that I am 'quietly' out...I'm there with my rainbow sticker on the jeep, with my girlfriend and my daughter. I don't make a big deal out of it, I'm respectful as is appropriate for a religious and school setting...but I'mhoping that by just being there, being who I am and being human that fellow members of my parish will come to see I'm no different from them...i'm just another parishioner sending my daughter to our great parish school and trying to do the best I can. my hope is that by getting to know me someday one of them might think "hey...she's not so different..being gay really isn't that big a deal" and if i can do that for just one person then it will be a good thing!

 

Yes. We. Did.

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 9:27am
Thanks! I always joke to my friends that if you spend the years from 15-37 trying to come to grips with who you are and what to do abaout it then by the time you finally DO come out there's Definitely nothing that's gonna shove you back in the closet! LOL

 

Yes. We. Did.

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