Help! Husband pushing me to find job!
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Help! Husband pushing me to find job!
| Tue, 11-07-2006 - 10:35am |
My husband has just taken a leave of absense from his high paying 80 hour a week job to focus on being home more and finding out what he really wants to do. He is now working 3 days a week at a job he really likes. He always said if he took this job he would find another part time job to supplement the income. I am working weekends and babysitting during the week, but my income is a joke. Our kids are 5 and 3 and cry every weekend when I leave. My problem is this: my husband has put no effort in finding that 2nd job he said he would find and is pushing me to work full time. I want to be a stay at home mom, but it may mean him going back to a job he hates. He says the kids will adjust, get over it. Am I being selfish or lazy for wanting to stay home? Is he being selfish for leaving a good paying job?

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Before children, I normally worked over 60hrs a week, I was incented on billable hours in a technical field and I did more than my share. After the birth of my first child, I knew I could not, nor would not work those kind of hours again. I took a job in a development lab with more normal hours when I returned to work when my daughter was 6 months old. I had excellent onsite childcare and grandparent care several days of week; she was well-cared for and happy and I was miserable leaving her everyday. I waited to my late 30s to become a parent, and my maternal instincts kicked in with a vengeance. I needed to be with her, she didn't necessarily need to be with me. My comfort point was working 3 days a week
Our next two additions, 2 sons by adoption, brought their own complications to our work schedules; With son #1, I took 6 months off and returned to a pt woh schedule after that period. With son #2, my dh took a year loa (he originally planned 6mos) because he had some sensery issues and othercare of any type was not a good option for him; I worked ft during that time. When my dh returned to work, I was able to transition to PTWAH with au pair care for my sons. When the youngest started first grade, I returned to work ft.
So, more than you probably needed to know ;-).
I guess it depends on your perspective.
Let me try it a different way then. Let's say someone is applying to two jobs. The jobs are almost identical, but one pays $50,000 and another pays $35,000. The first job is year-round, while the second has summers off. Is that person making an unwise decision?
Everyone has limits for work-family balance. In many cases, there is a give and take between financial stability/income level and flexibility/amount of time available. Is there a line where it suddenly becomes irresponsible to choose flexibility over financial stability? Is it not being able to fund a retirement account? Is it not being able to fund the kids' college accounts?
Even though I love being a librarian, I think I would have made a darn good lawyer if I had choosen to take that route.
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Those conferences are wrong. Don't spend it, but sock it away by paying down your mortgage and funding your retirement to the max.
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