Help! Husband pushing me to find job!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Help! Husband pushing me to find job!
1529
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 10:35am
My husband has just taken a leave of absense from his high paying 80 hour a week job to focus on being home more and finding out what he really wants to do. He is now working 3 days a week at a job he really likes. He always said if he took this job he would find another part time job to supplement the income. I am working weekends and babysitting during the week, but my income is a joke. Our kids are 5 and 3 and cry every weekend when I leave. My problem is this: my husband has put no effort in finding that 2nd job he said he would find and is pushing me to work full time. I want to be a stay at home mom, but it may mean him going back to a job he hates. He says the kids will adjust, get over it. Am I being selfish or lazy for wanting to stay home? Is he being selfish for leaving a good paying job?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 2:47pm

Before children, I normally worked over 60hrs a week, I was incented on billable hours in a technical field and I did more than my share. After the birth of my first child, I knew I could not, nor would not work those kind of hours again. I took a job in a development lab with more normal hours when I returned to work when my daughter was 6 months old. I had excellent onsite childcare and grandparent care several days of week; she was well-cared for and happy and I was miserable leaving her everyday. I waited to my late 30s to become a parent, and my maternal instincts kicked in with a vengeance. I needed to be with her, she didn't necessarily need to be with me. My comfort point was working 3 days a week

Our next two additions, 2 sons by adoption, brought their own complications to our work schedules; With son #1, I took 6 months off and returned to a pt woh schedule after that period. With son #2, my dh took a year loa (he originally planned 6mos) because he had some sensery issues and othercare of any type was not a good option for him; I worked ft during that time. When my dh returned to work, I was able to transition to PTWAH with au pair care for my sons. When the youngest started first grade, I returned to work ft.

So, more than you probably needed to know ;-).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 2:57pm

I guess it depends on your perspective.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 2:59pm

Let me try it a different way then. Let's say someone is applying to two jobs. The jobs are almost identical, but one pays $50,000 and another pays $35,000. The first job is year-round, while the second has summers off. Is that person making an unwise decision?

Everyone has limits for work-family balance. In many cases, there is a give and take between financial stability/income level and flexibility/amount of time available. Is there a line where it suddenly becomes irresponsible to choose flexibility over financial stability? Is it not being able to fund a retirement account? Is it not being able to fund the kids' college accounts?

Even though I love being a librarian, I think I would have made a darn good lawyer if I had choosen to take that route.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 3:08pm
I'm sorry I was so nosy, but thank you kindly for satisfying my curiosity.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 3:11pm

Those conferences are wrong. Don't spend it, but sock it away by paying down your mortgage and funding your retirement to the max.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 3:18pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 3:37pm
Well, I think public universities should be free to everyone independent of parental income. Until that happens though, I do find it irresponsible for parents to not save for a kid's college education to pay for the amount that they are able to as determined by the FAFSA. Does that make sense?


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 3:40pm
I would agree that it depends. It seems though that many people here feel it is irresponsible to SAH unless college and retirement are fully or on their way to being fully funded. I was wondering if they would apply the same standards to someone choosing a career and/or job that pays less, but offers more flexibility.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 3:58pm
But how would you determine that amount?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 4:00pm
If you pick a low earning career, to save enough you need to save a greater percentage of your income.

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