Help! Husband pushing me to find job!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Help! Husband pushing me to find job!
1529
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 10:35am
My husband has just taken a leave of absense from his high paying 80 hour a week job to focus on being home more and finding out what he really wants to do. He is now working 3 days a week at a job he really likes. He always said if he took this job he would find another part time job to supplement the income. I am working weekends and babysitting during the week, but my income is a joke. Our kids are 5 and 3 and cry every weekend when I leave. My problem is this: my husband has put no effort in finding that 2nd job he said he would find and is pushing me to work full time. I want to be a stay at home mom, but it may mean him going back to a job he hates. He says the kids will adjust, get over it. Am I being selfish or lazy for wanting to stay home? Is he being selfish for leaving a good paying job?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 5:34pm

Wow, you guys are really living in the fast lane there. You better slow down!! ;-)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 5:35pm
I'm not sure we disagree. It seems we are making the same point.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 5:51pm
>>I do think that we're too quick to challenge religious beliefs when the fact of the matter is they are deeply personal <<
i couldn't agree more.....and thank you for your understanding,mkatherine!! my post wasn't meant to offend either one of you.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 6:10pm
Kind of splitting hairs but ok. Yes I did say they are less likely to save but that includes saving less, IMO. Sorry, I wasn't clear but I tend to think in terms of final outcomes. To me, not saving enough to cover me isn't saving. It's like using a bandaid on a gushing artery. Not much better than nothing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 6:13pm

ABSOLUTELY NOT. People who retire on less will stand in line at the pharmacy behind people who retire on more. Medical expenses will be a large chunk of what retiree's spend and that is something they do not control. They might be happier living in a mobile home but they'll be quite miserable if they can't afford the medications they need.

I used to work in a pharmacy and it was sad to see seniors come in and by just a few pills instead of a months supply because they just couldn't afford it. The person who retired with more can always scale back if their medical bills go up. What will the person who retired on less do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 6:15pm

Same here. Most of what I get in raises goes right into savings.

I came out of school with so much debt, I couldn't save anything for the first few years but after that started putting all of my raises away. I don't put all of it away now but I still put most away.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 6:53pm
Obviously a certain amount of money will be necessary for living expenses (medication, food, etc.). And of course inflation must be taken into account as well. But in general, someone who makes less all along, is going to be able to live happily on less in retirement.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 7:09pm

By "super low income," do you mean living in poverty? What is the percentage?

I think you have to take into account that the poverty line is very low (I presume you know what it is), and unless you are fortunate enough to live in a very low COL area, you can make way more than the poverty level and still be barely covering your expenses. When I first got married, and baby number one came along rather unexpectedly, we were living outside of D.C., a very high COL area, and we almost ended up moving in with my parents, such was the extent to which our meager income was stretched. Saving was out of the question. We had a hard time just getting the rent paid on time and putting some food on the table. Yet, I doubt our income was considered "super low."

~Ghostwriter, M.A.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 7:10pm

Many people grossly underestimate what it costs to "age in place". Aging in place refers to being able to stay at home, with or without assistance, as opposed to moving into a facility or senior housing of some type. There is a lot more to it than inflation.

Just a quick example: In assisting seniors this year with renewing/changing Medicare D plans, I couldnt help but notice that many of them (most really) are taking upwards of 10-15 prescriptions each. Many are spending thousands of dollars a year.

When planning for retirement, do you think most of those people thought about that? Do you think most people now plan for catastrophic events such as stroke, or Alzheimers or Parkinsons?

IME people tend to view themselves in old age as slower versions of their young selves with maybe a touch of arthritis or high blood pressure. That unfortunately isnt reality. Another quick example: 1 out of 2 people over the age of 85 has some form of dementia. Dementia requires quite a bit of care that families are generally ill equipped to provide. That care is not cheap, and is basically out of pocket.

Being old is enormously expensive and very little of the expense has to do with a senior's lifestyle choices.

Scary, huh? Working for a local agency on aging has opened my eyes to some frightening realities.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 9:52pm
How much, in your opinion, would a couple need to have saved in order to retire and be able to afford their medical expenses and other basic living expenses? I have a feeling that you are working with a group of seniors that may be more unprepared for expenses than the general senior population.


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