Help! Husband pushing me to find job!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Help! Husband pushing me to find job!
1529
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 10:35am
My husband has just taken a leave of absense from his high paying 80 hour a week job to focus on being home more and finding out what he really wants to do. He is now working 3 days a week at a job he really likes. He always said if he took this job he would find another part time job to supplement the income. I am working weekends and babysitting during the week, but my income is a joke. Our kids are 5 and 3 and cry every weekend when I leave. My problem is this: my husband has put no effort in finding that 2nd job he said he would find and is pushing me to work full time. I want to be a stay at home mom, but it may mean him going back to a job he hates. He says the kids will adjust, get over it. Am I being selfish or lazy for wanting to stay home? Is he being selfish for leaving a good paying job?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 11:13pm
but doesnt the mere fact that they are so personnal mean that you can not apply them to others? i have been to several different churches in my life and my family is comprised of different religions and none of us believe that God commanded women to sah and men to woh, so to me that isnt a religious belief as much as it is religious interpretation, which is not from God but from some pastor or priest. and i do belief that when you say things like gay should not be parents that you are judging and my religious belief says that only God is in a position to judge - and one day one will answer for tyring to take on the role of God.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 1:23am

I honestly don't mind you saying that. It is your opinion and that is what they are for....

Why it hurt me for you to say that when I know what my schedule is like all day, and I know for a fact that I am not lazy? So to me it is nice to know how you feel about it. No harm done at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 2:27am
I know this may sound silly or nitpicky, but your great grandma didn't die due to her breastfeeding, she died due to the abilities of the medical community at the time. That's like saying she died due to her inability to pee because of a UTI for which there was no antibiotic. No she could pee just fine, she just couldn't reco ver from an infection because of lack of antibiotic to treat.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 2:37am
No, all the papers on aging is that the vast majority of Americans underestimate how much is required to retire. In fact, in the pension community there is a real panic that with companies phasing out Pension Plans, that even with deferring the maximum and including generous employer matches, 401(k) plans will be insufficient to replace the traditional pension and that most people only used to 401(k) plans do not understand that. Actuarially, there is a real fear that even with improved savings rates most Americans will not have enough in retirement to cover living 20 years past retirement.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 3:30am
Yes, if there had been antibiotics she would not have died, true of course. However, the particular infection that killed her was caused by her inability to BF. Someone who died of pneumonia a hundred years ago would probably live today too thanks to antibiotics, but all the same the guy did die of pneumonia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 3:39am

It is not a challenge. I said a few times that if it is simply religious belief there is no discussion. Personally, I am religious, not anti-religious. But I also recognize that I can't argue that others should follow the doctrines of my faith.

For example, down here lent starts on Monday. The Greek lent is quite strict, by tradition, no meat, dairy, eggs or fish, but we are allowed shell fish and squid. I am not about to argue that it is "best" to follow this fast for 40 days. Why should you follow it, if you are not Orthodox? Does it make you a less than good person that you do not follow it? No, of course not. If I wanted to convince you, for some strange reason, to try it, it would make sense to give you non-religious arguments for why you should (there are some).

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 5:35am

Heck, we follow the Torah (1st 5 books of the Old Testament) and nowhere is it written that women sah and men woh.

Nope. My rabbi never mentioned that rule ever being there, LOL!

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 5:36am
I disagree there too. Way too many people counted on living on just SS and now that is in jeopardy. Too many people counted on ex employer paid medical benefits and that is going away. I don't have time to look up the stats now but the number of women living in poverty during their senior years is staggaring. I'm not sure what it is for men but I'll bet it's high and it's going to get worse with pensions and medical benefits on the chopping block.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 5:39am

Well THERE's the problem -- we only follow the Old Testament (you know those first 5 books of the Torah).....

Nope. Nothing in there about men woh and women must sah. Have I mentioned that I LOVE being Jewish?

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 5:43am

Enough so they can cover their living expenses and sizeable medical bills without touching their principle.

I figure social security will become a need based program and medicare as well and that I won't be deemed to need either because I have savings. The thing that has me most worried is my vested pension. Will that really be there when I retire? I could be working longer than I planned if it doesn't. Which is why I'm maxing out 401K's now.

The possibility of not getting the pension I was promised kind of threw a monkey wrench in for me. I've never included social security in my retirement estimates because I figure it will be a welfare system by the time I get there with only the needy getting it. I've had to step up my contributions to my 401K because my employer just switched to a defined contribution pension plan. As of last June, my pension is frozen. From then on, they deposit 4% of my income into an account that I'm supposed to use to buy an annuity to replace my pension when I retire. I think I got the short end of this stick but, on the bright side, that is something that is mine and even if the company doesn't survive, I can't lose it.

With all the companies in trouble with pensions, I kind of wish they'd offer me a buy out on my regular pension I have vested. The old proverbial bird in the hand here. Sure I might get two in the bush. MIGHT.

Edited because I didn't want to give the impression that setting a retirement goal as a percentage of your pre retirement income is a good idea. I happen to have a good income so for me it works to set it that way.




Edited 2/13/2007 6:44 am ET by gr8fulmom1

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