Help! Husband pushing me to find job!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Help! Husband pushing me to find job!
1529
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 10:35am
My husband has just taken a leave of absense from his high paying 80 hour a week job to focus on being home more and finding out what he really wants to do. He is now working 3 days a week at a job he really likes. He always said if he took this job he would find another part time job to supplement the income. I am working weekends and babysitting during the week, but my income is a joke. Our kids are 5 and 3 and cry every weekend when I leave. My problem is this: my husband has put no effort in finding that 2nd job he said he would find and is pushing me to work full time. I want to be a stay at home mom, but it may mean him going back to a job he hates. He says the kids will adjust, get over it. Am I being selfish or lazy for wanting to stay home? Is he being selfish for leaving a good paying job?

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Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 1:46pm

If I can chime in here -- I see both where ikat is going and where you're going with this -- I do agree that when people just say "it's my religion" and then don't back up that statement with more it's frustrating and not conducive to good debate...I do feel that when people try to impose their religious beliefs on others it's inappropriate (as in the now removed "this is not a Christian' thread by the late lamented wahmom).

However, I am conscious of trying to respect others religious convictions while at the same time trying to explain my own and my own beliefs in the context of the subject we are debating. I try to be mindful this is neither the religion debate thread nor the morality thread (which is usually where the homophobes like to hang out... LOL) so my response to what phoenix said was purposeful...it hurt to hear her say that about gay parents but at the same time...she was honest and I can't fault her for that. I'd rather someone come out and say they think gay parenting is wrong to my face adn let the debate ensue from there than refusing to acknowledge me b/c my sexuality is so disdainful to them (which has also happened). The only thing I ask is what I reiterated before...if you're going to sit in judgment on me or my parenting do it b/c you know ME not because I happen to belong to some group you don't agree with.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 1:46pm
i didn't hear it put that way.......but a thing misunderstood about very devout christians is that many of them do follow the book,do consider anything less than living by the bible (be it having multiple upon multiple children to homosexuality) immoral..i consider my church a very good one because we're accepting of people from all diversities. does that mean we're changing our views on things like abortion,divorcees or homosexuality? no. but it does show how accepting it is of *individuals*. and that's a great thing.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 1:57pm

>>The only thing I ask is what I reiterated before...if you're going to sit in judgment on me or my parenting do it b/c you know ME not because I happen to belong to some group you don't agree with. <<
i agree absolutely!! i really feel like i can debate you in a respectful,kind way so i'm going to try,now. i grew up learning what the differences were between venial and mortal sin were. the older i've gotten,the more i've become aware of everyone including my own imperfections and sinful life. when our church doctrine says homosexuality is of grave sin,how do you react? is that a reflection on you as an individual iyo or can you grasp the differences between that strong church doctrine and you as a person?

tia.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 2:02pm
I don't recall saying anything about you living the hard life or not. I simply said there are people who are barely paying their bills, who would love to save, and can't. My position on that, having been one of them, is pretty solid, too. I believe I said "if" you've never been there, count yourself lucky. "If" you have been there (meaning you know what it's like to be barely paying your bills and have nothing leftover for savings), then you understand what I'm saying.

~Ghostwriter, M.A.


Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 2:12pm

I "think" so... LOL. I have to be honest that I'm primarily still in the catholic church b/c it's the upbringing I want for my daughter. But I'm also still in the church b/c the mass and the ritual of the mass gives tremendous comfort to me and b/c for me it all comes down to the adoration of Mary. My mother was so devoted to praying to Mary -- we had Mary icons and statues all over our house, and she always said "if you want your prayers answered go to the mom" LOL... But I have also considered myself fortunate that I attended a Jesuit college where the priests I came to know taught us to challenge ourselves and our beliefs intellectually. I'm proud that my alma mater now boasts a gay straight student alliance. I think that my experience there showed to me that I can still consdier myself a Catholic but understand that I have fundamental political differences with our church... So...when the homily turns to a topic I disagree with I just use the time to meditate on the topic in a different light.

I know this is a rambling answer but I guess the long story short is that I refuse to accept that b/c I'm a pro choice lesbian I have to give up the faith I was raised in . I think that the only way change will ever happen in my church is if people like me DON"T turn their backs and walk away. does that make sense?

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 2:15pm

Corrected...and I knew that.

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 2:24pm

Since most scholars of religion and history understand that there are indeed scripture which was not included and exists or is missing, I'll keep relying upon my sources rather than yours, thank you.

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 2:27pm

ehh,don't get me started on homilys!! ikwym!! ;) last week was diocesan fund drive. every year,our priest talks about more and more $$ for the church and diocese but if i had to judge it,i'd give it a D....he almost always has to bring up joel olsteen in a negative light - like he maybe more good looking,but our church is more connected. yada yada. i'm going to take a meditation break the next time one turns me off,too.

and i also kwym wrt our church. there are issues and trials where i've really question God in my life but there is something,some sort of comfort that keeps me returning,too. thanks for your story!!!

 

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 2:31pm

I can't believe we agree on something but
"Many Christians can see through the web of misunderstanding and misguidance and recognize the truth on many aspects if not the majority of them wrt the Gospel."

I did alot of research on thsi in my feminist theology seminar at Holy cross and agree that the important role that women played as true disciples and apostles of Christ was eliminated from later versions of the gospels by male scholars....

;-)

edited b/c it was Feminist Theology not feminism theology doh!




Edited 2/13/2007 2:48 pm ET by mkatherine

 

Yes. We. Did.

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 2:36pm
I had been long absent from mass for many years during a tough time in my life. I went back with my daughter when she was in kindergarten...and found myself tearing up at the familiar prayers and rituals. I knew then that the church did have a place for me and in my life and it was up to me to make room for it in the way that fit my life...

 

Yes. We. Did.

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