Here we go again

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Here we go again
24
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 8:26pm
Dss's gf is pg again. Man, things were just looking good for them. I'm having Deja vu and it's not pretty. They spent the first year of dgs's life at each others throats because she refused to work and contribute to the household. I told dss he should plan on her not working for a while but he's not buying that. Say a prayer she goes back to work right away after this one like she says she's going to (she said she was going to work last time too). I really don't see them making it with two kids if they end up fighting like before. She's MISERABLE when she's home and expects dss to come home and do his half of the child care and housework which she gladly saves for him. That goes over like a lead balloon.

I guess I knew it was only a matter of time but dss has been saying that he doesn't want any more kids and that the one he has is it for a while now so I was hoping.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 6:31am
Flame suit on ... cyndi, if they aren't married and are struggling and she really needs to work ... call your local child care referral agency. I care for two wonderful children of two struggling single moms supported by subsidies for my care. The money paid to me is a fraction of what my private clients pay me.

She is a single mom, he's doing the right thing, but struggling to support them. They should consider aid. The referral agency will share qualifications with them and will offer financial counseling as well. It wouldn't hurt to call.

Linda

 

Linda - wife, mother, grandmum                     &nb

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 7:06am
Oh, I'm sure she's already getting aid. The reason they give for not getting married is she qualifies for too much as a single mom. It's not a cost of dc issue but an issue of her not wanting to work, being miserable when she's not working and her ideas of what constitutes a fair division of labor with her not working, which is they split everything 50/50 except the wage earning which dss gets all of. At this point, all I can do is hope. Dss is beside himself about having another child, at the moment, as he doesn't want any more but he made his bed and now he has to lie in it.

At this point, all I can do is hope that she learned something with what they went through with dgs. Her SAH does not work because her ideas about how things should work are unrealistic. They've been doing fine since she started working. Cross your fingers but as I told dss last night, he might as well get used to the idea she's not going back to work for a couple of years after the baby is born now.

If they were to get married, it would probably make financial sense to have her SAH with two kids but with them not being married it makes financial sense for her to work. If they're married, she pays a lot more in taxes and loses what she's getting in the way of dc subsidies and tax write offs. With them single, she gets alot of help from Uncle Sam. She wants to get married and buy a house. I think dss should just concede defeat here. If he didn't have a say so in having another child, I don't know why he thinks he has one in anything else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 9:40am
Excuse me, but he had ALL the say so in having another child. All he had to do was keep it in his pants. I don't understand all this venom spewed at and about the gf when it takes two to tango. They sound like they're made for each other.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 10:36am
Which is why I said he made his bed and now he has to lie in it or did you not read that part of my post? When you keep sleeping with someone who has, deliberately and against you wishes gotten pg once, you live with the consequences. If she can't respect his wishes with regard to having kids, I doubt she'll respect them anywhere else but she is his problem to deal with. I just hope this doesn't result in two grand children torn between warring parents. Things were looking like they just might work out for them, now she goes and does this.


Edited 7/21/2003 10:39:29 AM ET by cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 11:07am
Yeah, I did, except you ended it with "If he didn't have a say so in having another child, I don't know why he thinks he has one in anything else." Merely pointing out that he totally had the say so.

<>

How about, "Things were looking like they just might work out for them, now *they* go and do this."

Or do men have no responsibility with regard to reproduction?

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 11:25am
My point is he is burdened with a partner who doesn't consider his wishes. If she doesn't consider his wishes with regard to reproduction, I doubt she'll consider them anywhere else. IMO, he's foolish to think she's going to consider his wish that she return to work when the baby is born if she woudln't consider his wish to not have any more children. I never said he wasn't an idiot for staying with her. Now he has two kids he never wanted. Which is also his fault. He should have gotten snipped and made sure she couldn't get pg again. He made his bed and now he has to lie in it. Too bad it's with someone he can't trust.




Edited 7/21/2003 11:31:49 AM ET by cyndiluwho

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 12:14pm
I believe you're right about your dss's say, he's at least trying to do right by his one child. I'm sorry dss's gf might choose to live off rather than work off the gov't's help. Btw, I thought that to receive welfare to sit at home, the welfare recipient must commit to a minimum hours of community service per month, am I wrong here? Does your dss's gf do that?

Linda

 

Linda - wife, mother, grandmum                     &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 12:23pm
Cindi-I am sorry you are having such a rough week. Hopefully, there will be no more family emergencies. Crossing my fingers....

K


Edited 7/21/2003 12:25:07 PM ET by kmgalligan

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 1:17pm
Vasectomy: A reliable way for your dss to control his destiny.

It's very simple. Clearly he wants to continue to have sex w/gf, yet he wants no more children.

Why doesn't he take control of his reproduction, instead of relying on someone, who according to you, shows some less-than-truthful and possibly selfish tendencies?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 2:46pm
If he wants his wishes considered .. wear a condom. Simple.

Hollie

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