Hitting the "Mommy Wall"

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Hitting the "Mommy Wall"
1585
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 11:19am

I am surprised that this actually comes as a surprise to women trying to re-enter the workforce after taking time off to SAH. *Anyone* taking a not-so-brief hiatus from their career should expect the same treatment IMO . . . you're not going to be able to pick up right where you left off.

BTW - "hi" everyone! I've missed it here! :)

Women raise kids, lose careers

By TENISHA MERCER
THE DETROIT NEWS

Veronica Golubovic spent more than 20 years on the runways of Paris, Italy and New York as a designer for some of the most powerful names in fashion -- Yves Saint Laurent, Donna Karan and Perry Ellis.

But it was a three-year gap on her resume -- the hiatus she took after the births of her two children -- that garnered the most attention from prospective employers four years ago when Golubovic tried to resume her career.

She hasn't forgotten one recruiter's look of discomfort when she explained she was a stay-at-home mom. Or the way a top official at a retailer dismissed her during an interview with, "Oh, so now you don't know if you want to be a stay-at-home mommy."

"I came here thinking I've done so much, but it was very difficult," said Golubovic, 45, who eventually opened a designer clothing store in Birmingham, Mich., earlier this year. "I didn't think people would be hung up on it, but it was shocking and surprising. I couldn't believe their reactions."

Thirty years after women began joining the work force in large numbers, many are hitting the "mommy wall" when they try to return to work after having children.

They find it difficult -- if not impossible -- to return to the same positions they left, according to a recent study by the Forte Foundation in New York and the Wharton Center for Leadership and Change at the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania.

Unprepared for the obstacles they face on their return, many opt out of traditional corporate jobs and move to smaller companies. Experts dub the trend the "female brain drain" and say the exodus is coming just as businesses need talented, experienced workers to fill the gap as baby boomers prepare to retire en masse, leaving the biggest labor shortage in history in their wake.

"This is a defining issue for women," said Monica McGrath, an assistant professor at Wharton, who spearheaded the study. "Women who leave as vice presidents are not coming back as vice presidents. Now is not the time for corporations to squander billions of dollars in talent and enthusiasm at their fingertips. This is a talent pool that organizations need. We have a voice at the table, and I would hate to see us lose that."

The study found that half of working mothers who returned to work felt discouraged by their employer. Eighty-three percent ended up accepting a comparable or lower-level position, while 61 percent changed industries. About 45 percent of the women surveyed started their own businesses, and 59 percent went to work at smaller companies. The study is based on interviews with 200 women, most of them with MBA degrees.

The results add more fuel to the debate about whether and how women can blend careers and family. Even as women are graduating from law, business and medical schools at almost the same rates as men, they find their careers shifting in very different directions from their male colleagues once they have children.

"They want to spend time with their children, and it can be very time-consuming," said New York-based Cindy Swensen, who coaches executive women on how to return to work after having children. "Volunteering at the bake sale is probably not going to help you re-enter the work force."

It's a strange phenomenon for a generation of women who were raised to break down barriers while "having it all" -- even if that meant delaying or postponing plans to have children to focus on their careers.

"We hear very few stories of people just stepping back in where they left off," said Joanne Brundage, executive director of Mothers & More, a Chicago-area support group for working women who postpone their careers to have children.

"Clearly, there is a price to be paid for not staying full-time, full-force in most professions," Brundage said. "I think women who are becoming mothers now have a different set of priorities than women did 15 to 20 years ago. Unfortunately, the message may change, but the environment stays the same."

It's a message Cynthia Aks wasn't prepared for. The first female surgeon to graduate from the residency program at Oakland General Hospital in Madison Heights, Mich., in 1990, Aks battled her share of discrimination from colleagues who didn't care to work with women surgeons, she said.

But after Aks, an emergency room surgeon, decided to have a family in her late 30s, she found it tough to regain the solid career footing she had before her triplets were born nearly 13 years ago. Forced to take seven months off for pregnancy complications, her contract was not renewed, she said, because the hospital didn't know how to deal with a female surgeon with children.

Aks resumed her career as a specialty surgeon, but at a huge cost: Her salary plummeted 60 percent.

"The perception is that you cannot juggle multiple hats effectively," said Aks, 49, who now owns a medical practice in Southgate, Mich. "I believe it's challenging, but you can. You can have high aspirations, be successful, have a family and still be involved. It's not equal for women, and I don't think it ever will be."

Southfield, Mich.-based accounting firm Plante & Moran offers tailored work arrangements such as seasonal work, telecommuting and contract employment to retain working mothers. The firm offers the options to management only.

"We want to accommodate people and their schedules," said Bill Bufe, partner and human resources director at the accounting firm. "We've had people who wanted to leave, but we wouldn't let them. We made things much more flexible for them and allowed them to continue to keep their toe in the water here and do what they needed to do in their family."

CHANGING FOCUS WHAT WOMEN CAN DO

WHAT WOMEN CAN DO

Tips for preparing to return to work:

Create a "re-entry" plan with specific goals

Foster a network for support while away from the work force

Volunteer while away and make sure that experience can be framed in business terms when you want to go back to work

Stay connected to colleagues

Maintain professional licenses and memberships and attend continuing education courses

Take classes to refresh knowledge and skills

Stay informed about the business implications of global and economic changes in your field

Secure contract work while away

Be realistic about how long it will take to re-enter the work force

Sources: Wharton Center for Leadership and Change, the Forte Foundation

CHANGING FOCUS

A survey of women returning to work after raising families found many shifted professional roles:

Accepted comparable or lower-level job: 83 percent

Changed industries: 61 percent

Changed functional role: 54 percent

Became self-employed: 45 percent

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 1:45pm

The one I was responding to in the post before.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 1:47pm

"I mean what is equal"

I don't know what you think equal is? Only *you* can answer that. So, what *is* your answer btw?

"why do values have to be equal."

I don't know why you think values don't have to be equal. Only *you* can answer that. So, what *is* your answer btw?

"Why do people have to be equal?"

I don't know why you think people don't have to be equal. Again, only *you* can answer that. So, what *is* your answer btw?

"What is even equal, who decides that?"

Again, I don't what you think equal is nor how you decide that. Only *you* can answer that. So, what *is* your answer btw?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 1:50pm

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I guess it would depend on what equal is, although you still can't tell me what that is.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 1:51pm

Exactly, unless you can define what equal is....it's different and means different things to different people.


PumpkinAngel

Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 1:52pm
He would have stayed at home IF I made more money than him. That is the reason I SAH, and not him. Again it wasn't an issue. This was a discussion we had before we got married. I think it was important to have that discussion before we got married. I knew that when we had our children that I would want to SAH...I am fortunate he agreed that is what we would do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 1:53pm

Some are and some are not. In my immediate neighborhood, I have to say yes, they are actually all hands-on dads. I think I've said here b/f that they arranged their jobs/careers to be more involved parents (one became a consultant so that he could set his own hours, another started up his own lobbying firm so that he could work locally in Annapolis while his wife commutes to DC, another is a pilot who is with his son whenever he is not flying, one left a successful acting career in L.A. to move back East and now works part time doing commercial real estate sales). However, I do have
WOH friends whose spouses do not help much at all.

Is it my perception that most help out as much as my dh? I wouldn't say most, but I'd say a significant amount of our friends are very hands-on parents who share the childcare/household tasks without too much disparity. But I imagine it is different being in a close-in DC suburb where many more parents have high-powered careers. Dh could make a lot more money if he was willing to commute to DC (as could a lot of folks around here), but they don't want to sacrifice that time with their families.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 1:53pm

Read the rest of the post....it's all in there.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 1:54pm

Read the rest of the post....it's all in there.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 1:55pm
I could have sworn that years ago you said that you simply didn't know many SAHMs. You mentioned one specifically that you didn't seem to have much respect for, but I always had the impression based on what you said that almost all of your social crowd were WOHMs. I don't have the time to search, so I'll just have to take your word for it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 1:56pm

Maybe it's changed over the years?

PumpkinAngel

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