Hitting the "Mommy Wall"

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Hitting the "Mommy Wall"
1585
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 11:19am

I am surprised that this actually comes as a surprise to women trying to re-enter the workforce after taking time off to SAH. *Anyone* taking a not-so-brief hiatus from their career should expect the same treatment IMO . . . you're not going to be able to pick up right where you left off.

BTW - "hi" everyone! I've missed it here! :)

Women raise kids, lose careers

By TENISHA MERCER
THE DETROIT NEWS

Veronica Golubovic spent more than 20 years on the runways of Paris, Italy and New York as a designer for some of the most powerful names in fashion -- Yves Saint Laurent, Donna Karan and Perry Ellis.

But it was a three-year gap on her resume -- the hiatus she took after the births of her two children -- that garnered the most attention from prospective employers four years ago when Golubovic tried to resume her career.

She hasn't forgotten one recruiter's look of discomfort when she explained she was a stay-at-home mom. Or the way a top official at a retailer dismissed her during an interview with, "Oh, so now you don't know if you want to be a stay-at-home mommy."

"I came here thinking I've done so much, but it was very difficult," said Golubovic, 45, who eventually opened a designer clothing store in Birmingham, Mich., earlier this year. "I didn't think people would be hung up on it, but it was shocking and surprising. I couldn't believe their reactions."

Thirty years after women began joining the work force in large numbers, many are hitting the "mommy wall" when they try to return to work after having children.

They find it difficult -- if not impossible -- to return to the same positions they left, according to a recent study by the Forte Foundation in New York and the Wharton Center for Leadership and Change at the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania.

Unprepared for the obstacles they face on their return, many opt out of traditional corporate jobs and move to smaller companies. Experts dub the trend the "female brain drain" and say the exodus is coming just as businesses need talented, experienced workers to fill the gap as baby boomers prepare to retire en masse, leaving the biggest labor shortage in history in their wake.

"This is a defining issue for women," said Monica McGrath, an assistant professor at Wharton, who spearheaded the study. "Women who leave as vice presidents are not coming back as vice presidents. Now is not the time for corporations to squander billions of dollars in talent and enthusiasm at their fingertips. This is a talent pool that organizations need. We have a voice at the table, and I would hate to see us lose that."

The study found that half of working mothers who returned to work felt discouraged by their employer. Eighty-three percent ended up accepting a comparable or lower-level position, while 61 percent changed industries. About 45 percent of the women surveyed started their own businesses, and 59 percent went to work at smaller companies. The study is based on interviews with 200 women, most of them with MBA degrees.

The results add more fuel to the debate about whether and how women can blend careers and family. Even as women are graduating from law, business and medical schools at almost the same rates as men, they find their careers shifting in very different directions from their male colleagues once they have children.

"They want to spend time with their children, and it can be very time-consuming," said New York-based Cindy Swensen, who coaches executive women on how to return to work after having children. "Volunteering at the bake sale is probably not going to help you re-enter the work force."

It's a strange phenomenon for a generation of women who were raised to break down barriers while "having it all" -- even if that meant delaying or postponing plans to have children to focus on their careers.

"We hear very few stories of people just stepping back in where they left off," said Joanne Brundage, executive director of Mothers & More, a Chicago-area support group for working women who postpone their careers to have children.

"Clearly, there is a price to be paid for not staying full-time, full-force in most professions," Brundage said. "I think women who are becoming mothers now have a different set of priorities than women did 15 to 20 years ago. Unfortunately, the message may change, but the environment stays the same."

It's a message Cynthia Aks wasn't prepared for. The first female surgeon to graduate from the residency program at Oakland General Hospital in Madison Heights, Mich., in 1990, Aks battled her share of discrimination from colleagues who didn't care to work with women surgeons, she said.

But after Aks, an emergency room surgeon, decided to have a family in her late 30s, she found it tough to regain the solid career footing she had before her triplets were born nearly 13 years ago. Forced to take seven months off for pregnancy complications, her contract was not renewed, she said, because the hospital didn't know how to deal with a female surgeon with children.

Aks resumed her career as a specialty surgeon, but at a huge cost: Her salary plummeted 60 percent.

"The perception is that you cannot juggle multiple hats effectively," said Aks, 49, who now owns a medical practice in Southgate, Mich. "I believe it's challenging, but you can. You can have high aspirations, be successful, have a family and still be involved. It's not equal for women, and I don't think it ever will be."

Southfield, Mich.-based accounting firm Plante & Moran offers tailored work arrangements such as seasonal work, telecommuting and contract employment to retain working mothers. The firm offers the options to management only.

"We want to accommodate people and their schedules," said Bill Bufe, partner and human resources director at the accounting firm. "We've had people who wanted to leave, but we wouldn't let them. We made things much more flexible for them and allowed them to continue to keep their toe in the water here and do what they needed to do in their family."

CHANGING FOCUS WHAT WOMEN CAN DO

WHAT WOMEN CAN DO

Tips for preparing to return to work:

Create a "re-entry" plan with specific goals

Foster a network for support while away from the work force

Volunteer while away and make sure that experience can be framed in business terms when you want to go back to work

Stay connected to colleagues

Maintain professional licenses and memberships and attend continuing education courses

Take classes to refresh knowledge and skills

Stay informed about the business implications of global and economic changes in your field

Secure contract work while away

Be realistic about how long it will take to re-enter the work force

Sources: Wharton Center for Leadership and Change, the Forte Foundation

CHANGING FOCUS

A survey of women returning to work after raising families found many shifted professional roles:

Accepted comparable or lower-level job: 83 percent

Changed industries: 61 percent

Changed functional role: 54 percent

Became self-employed: 45 percent

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Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 1:57pm

<<>>

Why? Maybe one spouse hates their job, or the hours are just so horrible that they just can't do it anymore. Where I live a family can live off of $45K a year. When I was single I made $45K a year and bought a townhouse on the north side of town, in a very popular area. When we married and sold it we made $50K and bought a house in the suburbs in a golf course community. That is where we live now. Making $45K a year and using it wisely can reap lots of benefits.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 1:57pm
It's not all that cut and dried, I agree.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 1:58pm
I just answered PNJ directly, but yes, I think it does depend on location. I live 22 miles outside the DC line which is certainly a commutable distance to DC, and while there are many who do make that commute (ikatarama is one of them), there are many who simply choose not to either change jobs, or remain in jobs here in Annapolis b/c it provides a better balance for their families. I think PNJ said b/f that she doesn't really know any men who changed their job/career path after having kids, but that has not been my experience at all with the fathers that I know. Nearly all have changed in some way to create a better balance of family/work life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 1:59pm
It's possible.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 2:00pm
Your post is internally contradictory.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 2:03pm

"So basically, since you seem to be so fixated on having a narrow answer to a question that you can't even define or clarify yourself, which in it's self is quite funny...."

Yes, it is quite funny. BTw, the only one who is "fixated on having a narrow answer to a question that you can't even define or clarify yourself" is *you*. I am in no way trying to assume/pretend that I can define oe clarify some sort of narrow context that could possibly be objectively accurate for *all* people.

In fact, IMHO, what you are asking/expecting of me is entirely impossible. With that said I have a few more questions for you?

Why do you seem to be under the impression that an objectively accurate context exists in the first place?

Why do you seem to think that *I* can provide you with this objectively accurate context, seeing as *I* clearly don't believe that such a thing exists in the first place?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 2:04pm

"here are many who simply choose not to either change jobs, or remain in jobs here in Annapolis b/c it provides a better balance for their families."


Any families move closer to DC?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 2:17pm
I'm sure there are people who do, but none of my friends/acquaintances, except those in the military who work at the Pentagon or other DC jobs - it's very hard to leave a place like Annapolis to a closer in, more congested, suburb. Ask ikatarama LOL.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 2:19pm

"I can give you only the answer that matches your broad question,"

Why don't you seem to understant that the *QUESTIONS* were specifically *meant* to be a broad? Why don't you understand that I purposely worded them so that people could apply/define their own individual contexts as well as provide answers that reflected those individual contexts?

"since you refuse to define or clarify outside of some wide sweeping statement."

Again, I cannot define nor clarify *your* own individual context *for* you. This is something you must do on your *own*, for *yourself*.

Unless, of course, you refuse to answer the questions and instead insist upon putting me in the position of literally defining and clarifying *your* own individual context *for* you as accurately as I can based on the statements you have made in this thread. Which I have obligingly done btw. Really, wouldn't have been easier to simply answer the questions yourself, rather than insisting that I answer them for *you*, seeing as I clearly am not *you*?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 2:34pm

"So....in the broadest, widest, general terms that you have laid out...no I don't think anyone is equal,"

Wow, that's just about the "broadest, widest" generalization I've ever heard you lay out!

"because we are all unique individuals and not uniform robots to have their parts laid out and compared like a science experiment, therefore it's not possible to be equal because we are unique"

Well, In my book we are all very much equal/equivalent precisely because of the fact that we "are all unique individuals". In other words, I believe that equality is an innate feature held by all humans. What do think that equality is a feature of/based on? WOH, pay, a great pitching arm, a superior brain, an oversized heart, etc?

"You can not simply take parent A and replace them with parent B and not expect any differences and thank heaven for that."

Since when does *equal/equivalent* mean *exactly the same*? Doesn't equal/equivalent mean just that, *equal/equivalent*?


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