Hitting the "Mommy Wall"

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Hitting the "Mommy Wall"
1585
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 11:19am

I am surprised that this actually comes as a surprise to women trying to re-enter the workforce after taking time off to SAH. *Anyone* taking a not-so-brief hiatus from their career should expect the same treatment IMO . . . you're not going to be able to pick up right where you left off.

BTW - "hi" everyone! I've missed it here! :)

Women raise kids, lose careers

By TENISHA MERCER
THE DETROIT NEWS

Veronica Golubovic spent more than 20 years on the runways of Paris, Italy and New York as a designer for some of the most powerful names in fashion -- Yves Saint Laurent, Donna Karan and Perry Ellis.

But it was a three-year gap on her resume -- the hiatus she took after the births of her two children -- that garnered the most attention from prospective employers four years ago when Golubovic tried to resume her career.

She hasn't forgotten one recruiter's look of discomfort when she explained she was a stay-at-home mom. Or the way a top official at a retailer dismissed her during an interview with, "Oh, so now you don't know if you want to be a stay-at-home mommy."

"I came here thinking I've done so much, but it was very difficult," said Golubovic, 45, who eventually opened a designer clothing store in Birmingham, Mich., earlier this year. "I didn't think people would be hung up on it, but it was shocking and surprising. I couldn't believe their reactions."

Thirty years after women began joining the work force in large numbers, many are hitting the "mommy wall" when they try to return to work after having children.

They find it difficult -- if not impossible -- to return to the same positions they left, according to a recent study by the Forte Foundation in New York and the Wharton Center for Leadership and Change at the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania.

Unprepared for the obstacles they face on their return, many opt out of traditional corporate jobs and move to smaller companies. Experts dub the trend the "female brain drain" and say the exodus is coming just as businesses need talented, experienced workers to fill the gap as baby boomers prepare to retire en masse, leaving the biggest labor shortage in history in their wake.

"This is a defining issue for women," said Monica McGrath, an assistant professor at Wharton, who spearheaded the study. "Women who leave as vice presidents are not coming back as vice presidents. Now is not the time for corporations to squander billions of dollars in talent and enthusiasm at their fingertips. This is a talent pool that organizations need. We have a voice at the table, and I would hate to see us lose that."

The study found that half of working mothers who returned to work felt discouraged by their employer. Eighty-three percent ended up accepting a comparable or lower-level position, while 61 percent changed industries. About 45 percent of the women surveyed started their own businesses, and 59 percent went to work at smaller companies. The study is based on interviews with 200 women, most of them with MBA degrees.

The results add more fuel to the debate about whether and how women can blend careers and family. Even as women are graduating from law, business and medical schools at almost the same rates as men, they find their careers shifting in very different directions from their male colleagues once they have children.

"They want to spend time with their children, and it can be very time-consuming," said New York-based Cindy Swensen, who coaches executive women on how to return to work after having children. "Volunteering at the bake sale is probably not going to help you re-enter the work force."

It's a strange phenomenon for a generation of women who were raised to break down barriers while "having it all" -- even if that meant delaying or postponing plans to have children to focus on their careers.

"We hear very few stories of people just stepping back in where they left off," said Joanne Brundage, executive director of Mothers & More, a Chicago-area support group for working women who postpone their careers to have children.

"Clearly, there is a price to be paid for not staying full-time, full-force in most professions," Brundage said. "I think women who are becoming mothers now have a different set of priorities than women did 15 to 20 years ago. Unfortunately, the message may change, but the environment stays the same."

It's a message Cynthia Aks wasn't prepared for. The first female surgeon to graduate from the residency program at Oakland General Hospital in Madison Heights, Mich., in 1990, Aks battled her share of discrimination from colleagues who didn't care to work with women surgeons, she said.

But after Aks, an emergency room surgeon, decided to have a family in her late 30s, she found it tough to regain the solid career footing she had before her triplets were born nearly 13 years ago. Forced to take seven months off for pregnancy complications, her contract was not renewed, she said, because the hospital didn't know how to deal with a female surgeon with children.

Aks resumed her career as a specialty surgeon, but at a huge cost: Her salary plummeted 60 percent.

"The perception is that you cannot juggle multiple hats effectively," said Aks, 49, who now owns a medical practice in Southgate, Mich. "I believe it's challenging, but you can. You can have high aspirations, be successful, have a family and still be involved. It's not equal for women, and I don't think it ever will be."

Southfield, Mich.-based accounting firm Plante & Moran offers tailored work arrangements such as seasonal work, telecommuting and contract employment to retain working mothers. The firm offers the options to management only.

"We want to accommodate people and their schedules," said Bill Bufe, partner and human resources director at the accounting firm. "We've had people who wanted to leave, but we wouldn't let them. We made things much more flexible for them and allowed them to continue to keep their toe in the water here and do what they needed to do in their family."

CHANGING FOCUS WHAT WOMEN CAN DO

WHAT WOMEN CAN DO

Tips for preparing to return to work:

Create a "re-entry" plan with specific goals

Foster a network for support while away from the work force

Volunteer while away and make sure that experience can be framed in business terms when you want to go back to work

Stay connected to colleagues

Maintain professional licenses and memberships and attend continuing education courses

Take classes to refresh knowledge and skills

Stay informed about the business implications of global and economic changes in your field

Secure contract work while away

Be realistic about how long it will take to re-enter the work force

Sources: Wharton Center for Leadership and Change, the Forte Foundation

CHANGING FOCUS

A survey of women returning to work after raising families found many shifted professional roles:

Accepted comparable or lower-level job: 83 percent

Changed industries: 61 percent

Changed functional role: 54 percent

Became self-employed: 45 percent

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 9:52am

I know a few parents who feel the same way. I don't particularly enjoy taking care of a sick child either, but like I said earlier, it's different for everyone. I would want to be home, at least for the sickest portion.

Right now Joey is being a pain - he obviously isn't feeling 100%. He has been whiny and awful all morning. No fever or anything other than a runny nose at this point. If I were working, I certainly wouldn't have stayed home with him on a day like today if I had a nanny and would be relieved to have some time away since I know dh and I would be dealing with it once we were home from work. But I'm here, and giving him some hugs and extra attention. I'd feel differently if he were really sick though. I wonder why that is? I guess different degrees of nurturing in me.

I admire you for being honest (though I can't personally relate) b/c so many women feel that they have to pretend to feel the way tinderbox describes or they are somehow less a mother.

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 9:55am
His teachers love him. They get a kick out of him. They say that he looks like he's not paying attention and is in dream land, but when they ask him a question or he takes a test, he gets the answers right. They love his goofy personality. :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 9:58am

I can't decide if your post is patronizing or misguided where sah is concerned.

<< I am fiercely indepedent and I have never imagined myself as a SAH parent. Ever. So, while I do not think that my DH would stop seeing me as equal, I would struggle with my own self-perception.>>

I just find that to be disingenuous. Staying-at-home has never been about ME and my self-worth or a vision of my own being. I sah for my children. If I'm bored sah or feel my brain has turned to oatmeal, oh well, that's never been what it's about - likely for many other sahps as well.

<> THAT I can totally agree with. I think that with rare exception the decision to sah begins and ends with family finances (and logistics too, but mostly finances). Even if the dual income means the family gets to continue driving Aviators and living in McMansions - that I can understand and I believe as a reason for choosing not to sah. But when wohms say they could never sah because they are fiercely independent or needed to re-affirm their self-worth or they would be too bored, I just can't buy it. I think everyone knows sah has nothing to do with those things - it's exclusively about how you want to raise children, often for a specific and limited duration too.

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 9:59am
<> I know what you mean. ITA.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 9:59am
We all express our nurturing side in different ways.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 10:01am
Because that's not what the *SICK* child's preference is, but rather PNJ's personal preference. Yes, I'm being politically incorrect, but forget favorites when children are well, I think SICK children simply prefer their mother the majority of the time.
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 10:03am
<> Talk about patronizing. No, *everyone* doesn't know that sah is exclusively about how you want to raise children. SAH for people is about all different reasons. To say there is only one reason for SAH is wrong. I know people who SAH simply because they cannot afford childcare. Or they SAH because their DH has convinced them it's the "right" thing to do, then they become depressed being AH. (I've just described two of my neighbors.)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 10:05am

If you're at work, how are you "sharing?"

I'm a sahm. I "know" sah is way too boring for intelligent people, but what about the sick child? Don't his needs at least trump the wohp's when he's sick? You couldn't be bored even for 1 or 2 days? What does that say about you and what do *you* think that says about me?

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 10:08am

<> Oh, I wasn't aware you knew her children personally and that you could unoquivically say that her child would prefer her.

FYI, when I was little, I preferred my Granny when I was sick. I love my mom to death, but Granny was different. Go ahead, tell me how sad it is I preferred my Gran to my mom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 10:11am

Being overprotective and having nazi issues does not mean one is maternal. Lots of good mothers get thru it without those eccentricities.

I think you're a good mother, but those 2 traits have not proven it for me. Other of your posts have. (Boy, am I afraid of TPTB...)

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