Hitting the "Mommy Wall"

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Hitting the "Mommy Wall"
1585
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 11:19am

I am surprised that this actually comes as a surprise to women trying to re-enter the workforce after taking time off to SAH. *Anyone* taking a not-so-brief hiatus from their career should expect the same treatment IMO . . . you're not going to be able to pick up right where you left off.

BTW - "hi" everyone! I've missed it here! :)

Women raise kids, lose careers

By TENISHA MERCER
THE DETROIT NEWS

Veronica Golubovic spent more than 20 years on the runways of Paris, Italy and New York as a designer for some of the most powerful names in fashion -- Yves Saint Laurent, Donna Karan and Perry Ellis.

But it was a three-year gap on her resume -- the hiatus she took after the births of her two children -- that garnered the most attention from prospective employers four years ago when Golubovic tried to resume her career.

She hasn't forgotten one recruiter's look of discomfort when she explained she was a stay-at-home mom. Or the way a top official at a retailer dismissed her during an interview with, "Oh, so now you don't know if you want to be a stay-at-home mommy."

"I came here thinking I've done so much, but it was very difficult," said Golubovic, 45, who eventually opened a designer clothing store in Birmingham, Mich., earlier this year. "I didn't think people would be hung up on it, but it was shocking and surprising. I couldn't believe their reactions."

Thirty years after women began joining the work force in large numbers, many are hitting the "mommy wall" when they try to return to work after having children.

They find it difficult -- if not impossible -- to return to the same positions they left, according to a recent study by the Forte Foundation in New York and the Wharton Center for Leadership and Change at the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania.

Unprepared for the obstacles they face on their return, many opt out of traditional corporate jobs and move to smaller companies. Experts dub the trend the "female brain drain" and say the exodus is coming just as businesses need talented, experienced workers to fill the gap as baby boomers prepare to retire en masse, leaving the biggest labor shortage in history in their wake.

"This is a defining issue for women," said Monica McGrath, an assistant professor at Wharton, who spearheaded the study. "Women who leave as vice presidents are not coming back as vice presidents. Now is not the time for corporations to squander billions of dollars in talent and enthusiasm at their fingertips. This is a talent pool that organizations need. We have a voice at the table, and I would hate to see us lose that."

The study found that half of working mothers who returned to work felt discouraged by their employer. Eighty-three percent ended up accepting a comparable or lower-level position, while 61 percent changed industries. About 45 percent of the women surveyed started their own businesses, and 59 percent went to work at smaller companies. The study is based on interviews with 200 women, most of them with MBA degrees.

The results add more fuel to the debate about whether and how women can blend careers and family. Even as women are graduating from law, business and medical schools at almost the same rates as men, they find their careers shifting in very different directions from their male colleagues once they have children.

"They want to spend time with their children, and it can be very time-consuming," said New York-based Cindy Swensen, who coaches executive women on how to return to work after having children. "Volunteering at the bake sale is probably not going to help you re-enter the work force."

It's a strange phenomenon for a generation of women who were raised to break down barriers while "having it all" -- even if that meant delaying or postponing plans to have children to focus on their careers.

"We hear very few stories of people just stepping back in where they left off," said Joanne Brundage, executive director of Mothers & More, a Chicago-area support group for working women who postpone their careers to have children.

"Clearly, there is a price to be paid for not staying full-time, full-force in most professions," Brundage said. "I think women who are becoming mothers now have a different set of priorities than women did 15 to 20 years ago. Unfortunately, the message may change, but the environment stays the same."

It's a message Cynthia Aks wasn't prepared for. The first female surgeon to graduate from the residency program at Oakland General Hospital in Madison Heights, Mich., in 1990, Aks battled her share of discrimination from colleagues who didn't care to work with women surgeons, she said.

But after Aks, an emergency room surgeon, decided to have a family in her late 30s, she found it tough to regain the solid career footing she had before her triplets were born nearly 13 years ago. Forced to take seven months off for pregnancy complications, her contract was not renewed, she said, because the hospital didn't know how to deal with a female surgeon with children.

Aks resumed her career as a specialty surgeon, but at a huge cost: Her salary plummeted 60 percent.

"The perception is that you cannot juggle multiple hats effectively," said Aks, 49, who now owns a medical practice in Southgate, Mich. "I believe it's challenging, but you can. You can have high aspirations, be successful, have a family and still be involved. It's not equal for women, and I don't think it ever will be."

Southfield, Mich.-based accounting firm Plante & Moran offers tailored work arrangements such as seasonal work, telecommuting and contract employment to retain working mothers. The firm offers the options to management only.

"We want to accommodate people and their schedules," said Bill Bufe, partner and human resources director at the accounting firm. "We've had people who wanted to leave, but we wouldn't let them. We made things much more flexible for them and allowed them to continue to keep their toe in the water here and do what they needed to do in their family."

CHANGING FOCUS WHAT WOMEN CAN DO

WHAT WOMEN CAN DO

Tips for preparing to return to work:

Create a "re-entry" plan with specific goals

Foster a network for support while away from the work force

Volunteer while away and make sure that experience can be framed in business terms when you want to go back to work

Stay connected to colleagues

Maintain professional licenses and memberships and attend continuing education courses

Take classes to refresh knowledge and skills

Stay informed about the business implications of global and economic changes in your field

Secure contract work while away

Be realistic about how long it will take to re-enter the work force

Sources: Wharton Center for Leadership and Change, the Forte Foundation

CHANGING FOCUS

A survey of women returning to work after raising families found many shifted professional roles:

Accepted comparable or lower-level job: 83 percent

Changed industries: 61 percent

Changed functional role: 54 percent

Became self-employed: 45 percent

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Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 11:23am

Probably not all because there are some parents who don't consider others when dealing with their sick kids and bring them sick to DC. Yes, it happens.

I know when mine were in DC and got sick, they'd stay home with either myself, DH or my parents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 11:25am

I'm confused. You have many times stated that you SAH for the sake of your children and not for your own sake at all. I would have assumed that the issue of whether having a SAHP or not would made a difference to their lives would have been the central issue that you considered when making the decision to SAH.

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 11:28am
<> Nobody's saying the majority would prefer to be with grandparents and you know it. The reason it was raised was to point out to you that everyone is different and doesn't necessarily buy into your "all kids prefer mom" scenario.
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 11:33am
<> Exactly. And though, like you I do not have any intentions of divorce, the reality of being a widow was staring me in the face 9 years ago. I was "this close" to being on my own with my kids. You can bet that that experience influenced my desire to keep working.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 11:38am

When my ds was a senior in high school he woke up with an upset stomache. He took some Pepto and went back to bed. Two hours later he was in unbearable pain and I rushed him to the ER. He had kidney stones and was put on painkillers and admitted to the hospital. I think it is important to be available for a sick teen because sometimes an illness can take a turn for the worst very quickly.

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 11:42am
I never phrased it in such Martyr-like terms. But I definitely think sah is best for children, othercare is second-best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 11:43am

Don't you think you've already shaped your children's expectations as far as who he will be spending the workday with when he's sick? I don't see your children as having a choice but to expect to be with the nanny when sick (during the workweek.) Would you take a day off if a sick child asked you to? Would you if asked in a whiny voice and you felt like you were being manipulated?

Do you think mothers who do desire to be with their children when they are sick, who have the kind of children who are comforted more by mom than anyone else, have shaped their children's expectations and are therefore controlled by that?

I'm trying to figure out if the way you deal with your sick children is because you've set it up that way as a function of making your career/family life work, or if you have a different notion of how mothers and children interact than I (and perhaps others on the board) may have, or both.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 11:43am

Well, when you said that *anyone* who has a gap is out of practice, even someone who sells lipstick, I certainly didn't take that to mean that you thought a rtw sahm could be a "star."

I didn't suggest that hiring personnel don't feel the way you do. I said that I thought that a good hiring manager (and a wohm who is secure about her own choices) wouldn't allow unfounded personal prejudices about sahms to sway hiring decisions. I agree with laura w2 that it is wrong to make the assumptions that have been raised is this thread: that a sahm isn't serious about her career, will never work ft again, will quit at the drop of a hat, etc.

And I completely agree with you that most hiring is based on contacts, not cold calls. But again, contacts come from experience, not from someone having stayed in the workforce their entire career. Any potential new employee is an unknown quantity. If a sahm has a lot of experience before sah, and if she keeps up her contacts, she could be less of an unknown quantity than someone whose experience is more limited but more recent.

Taking time off is a risk that not everyone is willing to take. If you're willing to take the risk, you know that you won't be making the same money as your peers who stayed in the workplace and that you may not have the same flexibility they do when you go back. If it's a job that requires keeping your skills current, you may have to start over if you take time off. Those things are fair. But unfortunately, sahms also have to accept the risk that future employers (oftentimes wohms who made different choices) will dismiss them because of their own personal prejudices about those choices. That may very well be the way it is, but it's not fair.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 11:58am

What generality are you talking about?

I'm sure nursing and teaching are fields where it's easier to take time off. But that doesn't mean you can't do it in other fields. My friend who was a nurse became a paralegal when she rtw. My sil worked in sales for a big computer company. Now she does the same thing for another big computer company. The employees at dh's old office were software engineers (granted, that was when that field was hot). Some of the accounting firms have sabbatical programs too. And I'm a lawyer, now a legal writing teacher.

There are lots of fields where the right person can take some time off, especially if you're only talking about a year or two. I don't think it's as impossible as you're making it sound. Certainly, people who don't have much expererience in their fields or who aren't particularly good at what they do are going to have a harder time and will likely have to start over. Anybody who's in a job that requires extremely current skills is going to have to start over. But all of the people I'm thinking of had established careers before they took time off and went back to jobs where, for one reason or another, it didn't matter if they took a break.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 11:58am

Hmmm, I thought I was quite closely paraphrasing your remark that

"Staying-at-home has never been about ME and my self-worth or a vision of my own being. I sah for my children."

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