Hitting the "Mommy Wall"

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Hitting the "Mommy Wall"
1585
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 11:19am

I am surprised that this actually comes as a surprise to women trying to re-enter the workforce after taking time off to SAH. *Anyone* taking a not-so-brief hiatus from their career should expect the same treatment IMO . . . you're not going to be able to pick up right where you left off.

BTW - "hi" everyone! I've missed it here! :)

Women raise kids, lose careers

By TENISHA MERCER
THE DETROIT NEWS

Veronica Golubovic spent more than 20 years on the runways of Paris, Italy and New York as a designer for some of the most powerful names in fashion -- Yves Saint Laurent, Donna Karan and Perry Ellis.

But it was a three-year gap on her resume -- the hiatus she took after the births of her two children -- that garnered the most attention from prospective employers four years ago when Golubovic tried to resume her career.

She hasn't forgotten one recruiter's look of discomfort when she explained she was a stay-at-home mom. Or the way a top official at a retailer dismissed her during an interview with, "Oh, so now you don't know if you want to be a stay-at-home mommy."

"I came here thinking I've done so much, but it was very difficult," said Golubovic, 45, who eventually opened a designer clothing store in Birmingham, Mich., earlier this year. "I didn't think people would be hung up on it, but it was shocking and surprising. I couldn't believe their reactions."

Thirty years after women began joining the work force in large numbers, many are hitting the "mommy wall" when they try to return to work after having children.

They find it difficult -- if not impossible -- to return to the same positions they left, according to a recent study by the Forte Foundation in New York and the Wharton Center for Leadership and Change at the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania.

Unprepared for the obstacles they face on their return, many opt out of traditional corporate jobs and move to smaller companies. Experts dub the trend the "female brain drain" and say the exodus is coming just as businesses need talented, experienced workers to fill the gap as baby boomers prepare to retire en masse, leaving the biggest labor shortage in history in their wake.

"This is a defining issue for women," said Monica McGrath, an assistant professor at Wharton, who spearheaded the study. "Women who leave as vice presidents are not coming back as vice presidents. Now is not the time for corporations to squander billions of dollars in talent and enthusiasm at their fingertips. This is a talent pool that organizations need. We have a voice at the table, and I would hate to see us lose that."

The study found that half of working mothers who returned to work felt discouraged by their employer. Eighty-three percent ended up accepting a comparable or lower-level position, while 61 percent changed industries. About 45 percent of the women surveyed started their own businesses, and 59 percent went to work at smaller companies. The study is based on interviews with 200 women, most of them with MBA degrees.

The results add more fuel to the debate about whether and how women can blend careers and family. Even as women are graduating from law, business and medical schools at almost the same rates as men, they find their careers shifting in very different directions from their male colleagues once they have children.

"They want to spend time with their children, and it can be very time-consuming," said New York-based Cindy Swensen, who coaches executive women on how to return to work after having children. "Volunteering at the bake sale is probably not going to help you re-enter the work force."

It's a strange phenomenon for a generation of women who were raised to break down barriers while "having it all" -- even if that meant delaying or postponing plans to have children to focus on their careers.

"We hear very few stories of people just stepping back in where they left off," said Joanne Brundage, executive director of Mothers & More, a Chicago-area support group for working women who postpone their careers to have children.

"Clearly, there is a price to be paid for not staying full-time, full-force in most professions," Brundage said. "I think women who are becoming mothers now have a different set of priorities than women did 15 to 20 years ago. Unfortunately, the message may change, but the environment stays the same."

It's a message Cynthia Aks wasn't prepared for. The first female surgeon to graduate from the residency program at Oakland General Hospital in Madison Heights, Mich., in 1990, Aks battled her share of discrimination from colleagues who didn't care to work with women surgeons, she said.

But after Aks, an emergency room surgeon, decided to have a family in her late 30s, she found it tough to regain the solid career footing she had before her triplets were born nearly 13 years ago. Forced to take seven months off for pregnancy complications, her contract was not renewed, she said, because the hospital didn't know how to deal with a female surgeon with children.

Aks resumed her career as a specialty surgeon, but at a huge cost: Her salary plummeted 60 percent.

"The perception is that you cannot juggle multiple hats effectively," said Aks, 49, who now owns a medical practice in Southgate, Mich. "I believe it's challenging, but you can. You can have high aspirations, be successful, have a family and still be involved. It's not equal for women, and I don't think it ever will be."

Southfield, Mich.-based accounting firm Plante & Moran offers tailored work arrangements such as seasonal work, telecommuting and contract employment to retain working mothers. The firm offers the options to management only.

"We want to accommodate people and their schedules," said Bill Bufe, partner and human resources director at the accounting firm. "We've had people who wanted to leave, but we wouldn't let them. We made things much more flexible for them and allowed them to continue to keep their toe in the water here and do what they needed to do in their family."

CHANGING FOCUS WHAT WOMEN CAN DO

WHAT WOMEN CAN DO

Tips for preparing to return to work:

Create a "re-entry" plan with specific goals

Foster a network for support while away from the work force

Volunteer while away and make sure that experience can be framed in business terms when you want to go back to work

Stay connected to colleagues

Maintain professional licenses and memberships and attend continuing education courses

Take classes to refresh knowledge and skills

Stay informed about the business implications of global and economic changes in your field

Secure contract work while away

Be realistic about how long it will take to re-enter the work force

Sources: Wharton Center for Leadership and Change, the Forte Foundation

CHANGING FOCUS

A survey of women returning to work after raising families found many shifted professional roles:

Accepted comparable or lower-level job: 83 percent

Changed industries: 61 percent

Changed functional role: 54 percent

Became self-employed: 45 percent

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 2:52pm

>>>Just because you woh, I don't buy that you need financial independence more than a sahm does. People have dual incomes because they prefer the lifestyle that two incomes allows. I just don't see anything wrong with that.

That's where I don't understand your response to me - I never once suggested that the reason I need this independence is because I am a WOHM (A implies B) - in fact, I am saying the opposite, that part of the reason I want to WOH is that I want the financial independence (B implies A). The indepedence issue predates and - to an extent - is separate from parenting.

I guess SOL is an abbreviation I don't know - I'm assuming it is Standard of Living. Certainly that plays a part in it --- since SOL spans all socioeconomic ranges. But I certainly don't work to have McMansions or huge SUVs in my driveway (although nor do I look down upon people who do have those things, assuming that they have met all their other financial commitments first). I work more about future planning than current SOL - I want a very strong reitrement portfolio - I refuse to be in my parent's position when I am their age. I want to be able to fully fund my children's education, instead of struggling with college costs as I did. Those are financial considerations that could be met by a number of approaches, including a mom SAH and a division of responsibility for bringing in income that's different than what I do. But, ***specific to my needs**, I would only be comfortable in a role which included me earning a good portion of the income. It has nothing to do with an opinion on SAH or WOHparenting, although it obviously then affects what I did once I became a parent.

>>- being financially independent was my main goal. That was and still is an important goal for me even though I'm a sahm.

I never suggested that - because they SAH - SAHMs don't *want* financial independence, nor that they are incapable of achieving it. I am not equating the two - you are. But, as you state, obviously someone currently working will have less of a shortfall period than someone who needs to restart working. Presumably, for families with a SAHP for whom this is important, they have planned ahead to have an emergency fund or plan or whatever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 2:52pm
I said it was an example and I was trying to find a non-degreed job example, because earlier posts seemed to imply that posters only focused on a narrow portion of the workforce. I completely acknowledge that I have no insight into the retail cosmetics field and thus have no idea if lipstick trends are important or not. You win and I will promise never to use a cosmetics example again. Presumably, though, in a sales job a person with prior sales experience might be given preference over one without?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 2:53pm

Yes, of course my nanny helps us raise our children.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 2:53pm
I don't have othercare except for 5-6 nights a year. :) Creative scheduling! LOL When ds was little, I did things while he was napping, and once dd was born, ds was in preschool (and now regular school) so I can do stuff while she is napping. It helps that I'm not a very social person, and I find most of my enjoyment in reading and researching random things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2005
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 3:00pm

why do you say that pa.....because there wouldn't be opportunity in your field (accounting, right?) outside where you live now? why? fwiw, the closest we have lived to extended family since having kids was about 100+ miles. there has always been opportunity to woh in all the different towns we have lived. my only regret has been the lack of close family relationships i.e. grandparents, aunts uncles and cousins for my children. something i always grew up with.

i find myself (and dh too) reminding ourselves that kids don't miss what they never had.....it's more our woe than theirs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 3:04pm
She started trying the bottle from the time the child was 6 weeks old, on her pediatrician's advice.

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Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 3:05pm
The operative word being "helps."
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2005
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 3:09pm
One of the major reasons I *didn't* breastfeed was a fear that John wouldn't make the transition from breast to bottle well.

Karen

"Veronica: "I hate fake deer too. Every time I see their stupid fake-deer faces I want to grab a shotgun and go all Cheney on 'em." Sure, but since fake deer don't talk, they won't

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 3:10pm
I certainly don't have a clue when dd is on the cusp of illness. She got her croup cough at midnight- after having attended school all day. During the day she had no symptoms- not one single cough of any sort. I was utterly blindsided when she woke at midnight having trouble breathing. She stayed home from school the next day, but the day leading up to it she was symptomless and at school and likely sharing the germs.
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 3:10pm
<> So you don't value your DH for what money he's brought into your marriage? I certainly value my DH for that. And he values me for that. It's not the only thing we value, but one of many things we value about each other. It also gives both my DH and myself a sense of security knowing that if anything happened to either of us, our children would be well taken care of from a financial standpoint.

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