Hitting the "Mommy Wall"

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Hitting the "Mommy Wall"
1585
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 11:19am

I am surprised that this actually comes as a surprise to women trying to re-enter the workforce after taking time off to SAH. *Anyone* taking a not-so-brief hiatus from their career should expect the same treatment IMO . . . you're not going to be able to pick up right where you left off.

BTW - "hi" everyone! I've missed it here! :)

Women raise kids, lose careers

By TENISHA MERCER
THE DETROIT NEWS

Veronica Golubovic spent more than 20 years on the runways of Paris, Italy and New York as a designer for some of the most powerful names in fashion -- Yves Saint Laurent, Donna Karan and Perry Ellis.

But it was a three-year gap on her resume -- the hiatus she took after the births of her two children -- that garnered the most attention from prospective employers four years ago when Golubovic tried to resume her career.

She hasn't forgotten one recruiter's look of discomfort when she explained she was a stay-at-home mom. Or the way a top official at a retailer dismissed her during an interview with, "Oh, so now you don't know if you want to be a stay-at-home mommy."

"I came here thinking I've done so much, but it was very difficult," said Golubovic, 45, who eventually opened a designer clothing store in Birmingham, Mich., earlier this year. "I didn't think people would be hung up on it, but it was shocking and surprising. I couldn't believe their reactions."

Thirty years after women began joining the work force in large numbers, many are hitting the "mommy wall" when they try to return to work after having children.

They find it difficult -- if not impossible -- to return to the same positions they left, according to a recent study by the Forte Foundation in New York and the Wharton Center for Leadership and Change at the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania.

Unprepared for the obstacles they face on their return, many opt out of traditional corporate jobs and move to smaller companies. Experts dub the trend the "female brain drain" and say the exodus is coming just as businesses need talented, experienced workers to fill the gap as baby boomers prepare to retire en masse, leaving the biggest labor shortage in history in their wake.

"This is a defining issue for women," said Monica McGrath, an assistant professor at Wharton, who spearheaded the study. "Women who leave as vice presidents are not coming back as vice presidents. Now is not the time for corporations to squander billions of dollars in talent and enthusiasm at their fingertips. This is a talent pool that organizations need. We have a voice at the table, and I would hate to see us lose that."

The study found that half of working mothers who returned to work felt discouraged by their employer. Eighty-three percent ended up accepting a comparable or lower-level position, while 61 percent changed industries. About 45 percent of the women surveyed started their own businesses, and 59 percent went to work at smaller companies. The study is based on interviews with 200 women, most of them with MBA degrees.

The results add more fuel to the debate about whether and how women can blend careers and family. Even as women are graduating from law, business and medical schools at almost the same rates as men, they find their careers shifting in very different directions from their male colleagues once they have children.

"They want to spend time with their children, and it can be very time-consuming," said New York-based Cindy Swensen, who coaches executive women on how to return to work after having children. "Volunteering at the bake sale is probably not going to help you re-enter the work force."

It's a strange phenomenon for a generation of women who were raised to break down barriers while "having it all" -- even if that meant delaying or postponing plans to have children to focus on their careers.

"We hear very few stories of people just stepping back in where they left off," said Joanne Brundage, executive director of Mothers & More, a Chicago-area support group for working women who postpone their careers to have children.

"Clearly, there is a price to be paid for not staying full-time, full-force in most professions," Brundage said. "I think women who are becoming mothers now have a different set of priorities than women did 15 to 20 years ago. Unfortunately, the message may change, but the environment stays the same."

It's a message Cynthia Aks wasn't prepared for. The first female surgeon to graduate from the residency program at Oakland General Hospital in Madison Heights, Mich., in 1990, Aks battled her share of discrimination from colleagues who didn't care to work with women surgeons, she said.

But after Aks, an emergency room surgeon, decided to have a family in her late 30s, she found it tough to regain the solid career footing she had before her triplets were born nearly 13 years ago. Forced to take seven months off for pregnancy complications, her contract was not renewed, she said, because the hospital didn't know how to deal with a female surgeon with children.

Aks resumed her career as a specialty surgeon, but at a huge cost: Her salary plummeted 60 percent.

"The perception is that you cannot juggle multiple hats effectively," said Aks, 49, who now owns a medical practice in Southgate, Mich. "I believe it's challenging, but you can. You can have high aspirations, be successful, have a family and still be involved. It's not equal for women, and I don't think it ever will be."

Southfield, Mich.-based accounting firm Plante & Moran offers tailored work arrangements such as seasonal work, telecommuting and contract employment to retain working mothers. The firm offers the options to management only.

"We want to accommodate people and their schedules," said Bill Bufe, partner and human resources director at the accounting firm. "We've had people who wanted to leave, but we wouldn't let them. We made things much more flexible for them and allowed them to continue to keep their toe in the water here and do what they needed to do in their family."

CHANGING FOCUS WHAT WOMEN CAN DO

WHAT WOMEN CAN DO

Tips for preparing to return to work:

Create a "re-entry" plan with specific goals

Foster a network for support while away from the work force

Volunteer while away and make sure that experience can be framed in business terms when you want to go back to work

Stay connected to colleagues

Maintain professional licenses and memberships and attend continuing education courses

Take classes to refresh knowledge and skills

Stay informed about the business implications of global and economic changes in your field

Secure contract work while away

Be realistic about how long it will take to re-enter the work force

Sources: Wharton Center for Leadership and Change, the Forte Foundation

CHANGING FOCUS

A survey of women returning to work after raising families found many shifted professional roles:

Accepted comparable or lower-level job: 83 percent

Changed industries: 61 percent

Changed functional role: 54 percent

Became self-employed: 45 percent

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 1:58pm

See and that was my point. It hasnt even really been worth me trying to work in the field that the military trained me in because we have litteraly moved to 6 states in just under 8 years. We are just now getting to were I can go back to finish my BS because our next duty station we will be there for 3 years or more. I would have been doing it this duty station but we found out we were expecting number 4 (huge surpise we thought birthcontrol was a perminate thing that we didnt have to worry about LOL) and trying to go back to school with a brand new baby doesnt strike me as the way that I would best be served in my education.

Luckly for me though, Nursing is such a diverse field and so under manned it should be realitivly easy for me to find a job anywhere we move. Plus now that my husband is getting ready to make Chief (well take the test anyway) we now dont move around as much and are looking for a place to settle. But I am deffinatly ready now to be a WOHM. but working just to afford daycare isnt something that seems to make alot of sense to me. Exept the whole getting out of the house thing. That would be great.

Oh btw...We are due in Dec. Our second boy.

Nikole

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 1:59pm

"Thats right. Its not the 50s. Or the 30s. If you aren't working, male or female, you have probably chosen not to work."

Yes, you are correct, "if you aren't working, male or female, you HAVE probably CHOSEN not to work." And your point here would be...?

"It say great things about your staying power."

Such as...?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 2:03pm

"I can't think of anyone I know that has never returned to work at all."

I can assure you they exist. In fact, I'm one of them LOL :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 2:11pm

"the ones that I know best are through my kids school and none of them have returned to work and have no intention on doing so. I will say however, that the majority of these women have spouses who work quite a heavy workload or have extensive travel schedules, so that may play a part as well."


"Women who have spouses who work quite a heavy workload or have extensive travel schedules," may well play a part as you said, but certainly this is not the *only* reason why some women don't return to work nor have any intention of doing so.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 2:20pm

"That will hurt you in the long run. You might want to think about how you are going to cover the gaps in your employment now while you have time."

I just wanted to point out that not all of us are concerned about gaps in our employment, nor finding ways to cover them. In fact, not all of us are even interested in being members of the workforce in the first place, much less returning to it for that matter. Is there truely only "one" possibility, option, way of life here? You certainly seem to be under the impression that everyone wants to be just like you :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 2:20pm
Oh, I know they exist, but I think it is a very small percentage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 2:21pm

"Unfortunate that you feel dedicating a year (or 5) to the well-being of one's children through direct daily interaction would be found as "unappealing". I hope you don't actually convey that attitude IRL. You're not likely to have many friends."

I'll second that!!!

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 2:22pm

<> Who said that?

<> Thanks for clearing that up. I'm sure nobody here had thought of that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2005
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 2:23pm
How is a military spouse any different from someone in the National Guard or Reserves?

Karen


"Dear Whoever Makes The Credit Sequences: We are all really, really over the creepy head-turning thing. I swear. We really are. If we ever want any more creepy head-turning, we'll be sure to tell you. Everyone looks uncomfortable doing it, it makes everyone's smile look dead-eyed and soulless, and you really must stop. Make them put on a puppet show. Make them do the Macarena. I would prefer anything to being further terrorized by all the head-turning.


Miss Alli

Karen

"Veronica: "I hate fake deer too. Every time I see their stupid fake-deer faces I want to grab a shotgun and go all Cheney on 'em." Sure, but since fake deer don't talk, they won't

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 2:39pm

"The vast majority of working parents manage to see to the well being of their children without giving up their careers to do it."

And majority rule should therefore be the "only" possibility, option, way of life because...?

"Dedicating yourself only to your children isn't necessary."

You are certainly welcome to make that decision for yourself, but clearly in no position to make such a judgement for anyone else. Believe it or not, "Dedicating yourself only to your children," is just as valid, viable, and legitimate as "dedicating yourself to both woh and raising a family." Or even simply woh and deciding to remain childless.

"Nor does it give better results."

It some cases it does. In some cases it doesn't. So, all in all, it's a wash.

"That this is what you want to do is your choice but it tells *ME* that you are not dedicated to your career."

The key word here being *ME*, meaning *YOU*. Frankly, I don't think bigsammy could care less about *YOUR* biased assessments regarding her dedication to her career. Not to mention, I am nearly positive that she can assess *HER* own motivations in life far more accurately than you, seeing as it is *HER* life after all.

Pages