Hitting the "Mommy Wall"

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Hitting the "Mommy Wall"
1585
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 11:19am

I am surprised that this actually comes as a surprise to women trying to re-enter the workforce after taking time off to SAH. *Anyone* taking a not-so-brief hiatus from their career should expect the same treatment IMO . . . you're not going to be able to pick up right where you left off.

BTW - "hi" everyone! I've missed it here! :)

Women raise kids, lose careers

By TENISHA MERCER
THE DETROIT NEWS

Veronica Golubovic spent more than 20 years on the runways of Paris, Italy and New York as a designer for some of the most powerful names in fashion -- Yves Saint Laurent, Donna Karan and Perry Ellis.

But it was a three-year gap on her resume -- the hiatus she took after the births of her two children -- that garnered the most attention from prospective employers four years ago when Golubovic tried to resume her career.

She hasn't forgotten one recruiter's look of discomfort when she explained she was a stay-at-home mom. Or the way a top official at a retailer dismissed her during an interview with, "Oh, so now you don't know if you want to be a stay-at-home mommy."

"I came here thinking I've done so much, but it was very difficult," said Golubovic, 45, who eventually opened a designer clothing store in Birmingham, Mich., earlier this year. "I didn't think people would be hung up on it, but it was shocking and surprising. I couldn't believe their reactions."

Thirty years after women began joining the work force in large numbers, many are hitting the "mommy wall" when they try to return to work after having children.

They find it difficult -- if not impossible -- to return to the same positions they left, according to a recent study by the Forte Foundation in New York and the Wharton Center for Leadership and Change at the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania.

Unprepared for the obstacles they face on their return, many opt out of traditional corporate jobs and move to smaller companies. Experts dub the trend the "female brain drain" and say the exodus is coming just as businesses need talented, experienced workers to fill the gap as baby boomers prepare to retire en masse, leaving the biggest labor shortage in history in their wake.

"This is a defining issue for women," said Monica McGrath, an assistant professor at Wharton, who spearheaded the study. "Women who leave as vice presidents are not coming back as vice presidents. Now is not the time for corporations to squander billions of dollars in talent and enthusiasm at their fingertips. This is a talent pool that organizations need. We have a voice at the table, and I would hate to see us lose that."

The study found that half of working mothers who returned to work felt discouraged by their employer. Eighty-three percent ended up accepting a comparable or lower-level position, while 61 percent changed industries. About 45 percent of the women surveyed started their own businesses, and 59 percent went to work at smaller companies. The study is based on interviews with 200 women, most of them with MBA degrees.

The results add more fuel to the debate about whether and how women can blend careers and family. Even as women are graduating from law, business and medical schools at almost the same rates as men, they find their careers shifting in very different directions from their male colleagues once they have children.

"They want to spend time with their children, and it can be very time-consuming," said New York-based Cindy Swensen, who coaches executive women on how to return to work after having children. "Volunteering at the bake sale is probably not going to help you re-enter the work force."

It's a strange phenomenon for a generation of women who were raised to break down barriers while "having it all" -- even if that meant delaying or postponing plans to have children to focus on their careers.

"We hear very few stories of people just stepping back in where they left off," said Joanne Brundage, executive director of Mothers & More, a Chicago-area support group for working women who postpone their careers to have children.

"Clearly, there is a price to be paid for not staying full-time, full-force in most professions," Brundage said. "I think women who are becoming mothers now have a different set of priorities than women did 15 to 20 years ago. Unfortunately, the message may change, but the environment stays the same."

It's a message Cynthia Aks wasn't prepared for. The first female surgeon to graduate from the residency program at Oakland General Hospital in Madison Heights, Mich., in 1990, Aks battled her share of discrimination from colleagues who didn't care to work with women surgeons, she said.

But after Aks, an emergency room surgeon, decided to have a family in her late 30s, she found it tough to regain the solid career footing she had before her triplets were born nearly 13 years ago. Forced to take seven months off for pregnancy complications, her contract was not renewed, she said, because the hospital didn't know how to deal with a female surgeon with children.

Aks resumed her career as a specialty surgeon, but at a huge cost: Her salary plummeted 60 percent.

"The perception is that you cannot juggle multiple hats effectively," said Aks, 49, who now owns a medical practice in Southgate, Mich. "I believe it's challenging, but you can. You can have high aspirations, be successful, have a family and still be involved. It's not equal for women, and I don't think it ever will be."

Southfield, Mich.-based accounting firm Plante & Moran offers tailored work arrangements such as seasonal work, telecommuting and contract employment to retain working mothers. The firm offers the options to management only.

"We want to accommodate people and their schedules," said Bill Bufe, partner and human resources director at the accounting firm. "We've had people who wanted to leave, but we wouldn't let them. We made things much more flexible for them and allowed them to continue to keep their toe in the water here and do what they needed to do in their family."

CHANGING FOCUS WHAT WOMEN CAN DO

WHAT WOMEN CAN DO

Tips for preparing to return to work:

Create a "re-entry" plan with specific goals

Foster a network for support while away from the work force

Volunteer while away and make sure that experience can be framed in business terms when you want to go back to work

Stay connected to colleagues

Maintain professional licenses and memberships and attend continuing education courses

Take classes to refresh knowledge and skills

Stay informed about the business implications of global and economic changes in your field

Secure contract work while away

Be realistic about how long it will take to re-enter the work force

Sources: Wharton Center for Leadership and Change, the Forte Foundation

CHANGING FOCUS

A survey of women returning to work after raising families found many shifted professional roles:

Accepted comparable or lower-level job: 83 percent

Changed industries: 61 percent

Changed functional role: 54 percent

Became self-employed: 45 percent

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 4:48pm

Actually, putting sahms aside for the minute, there are quite a number of people who aren't interested in being members of the workforce in the first place, much less returning to it for that matter.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 4:49pm

"As long as I can touch on the misconception/idea that wohm equals full time (40/40+ hours per week) 52 weeks a year?

There is a lot of middle ground between sahm full time and a wohm full time."

Sounds fair enough to me :) BTW, I know you weren't really making a statement regarding SAHM's with children in school. Your post just sparked my point about the misconception/idea that SAHM are no longer necessary once children start school :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 4:50pm
Um, my xh pays child support and alimony. it pays the mtg. now i have to pay for energy, water, gas, food, med expenses, dental, vision, legal, put gas in my car, pay for repairs, and occasionally, i like treating myself to clothing and shoes. child support is just that, to support the child. alimony is a token, and i wouldnt ask for or want enough to support me so i can sit home. i sah with my kids when they were little, and went to work as they got older. its a good thing too, because i never thought i would be divorced. dont be so confident. i was married 25 years, and when it happened it blew my mind. and no there was no "other woman/man".
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 4:57pm

<>


Do you plan on charging money for your book?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 5:03pm

Maybe the Navy is different from the Army. . .or maybe we've just been able to make choices that enabled us to have more stability than you've had, but in the 11 years since my estranged husband went active duty the kids and I have had just 2 moves (Arkansas to Germany, Germany to Kansas).

I admit that he chose to return to this duty station after a PCS to Korea so he's had 3 duty stations while we've had just two moves.

I'm very glad that I haven't been denied career opportunities because of his active duty status.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 5:06pm

"Since I didn't say it was the *only* reason nor did I speculate on a broad term about why some women are not returning to work it certainly could be."

Point taken. I acknowledge that you didn't say it was the "only" reason. However, when you use terms such as: NONE and MAJORITY, it tends to set things up that a certain way.

"the ones that I know best are through my kids school and NONE of them have returned to work and have no intention on doing so. I will say however, that the MAJORITY of these women have spouses who work quite a heavy workload or have extensive travel schedules, so that may play a part as well."

Upon rethinking my response to you I should have said something along the lines of: I think you might be surprised by the number of SAHM's, myself included, whose spouses do not work quite a heavy workload or have extensive travel schedules, but have chosen to SAH nonetheless. Sorry I wasn't straight forward with my response from the beginning.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 5:08pm

"Actually, putting sahms aside for the minute, there are quite a number of people who aren't interested in being members of the workforce in the first place, much less returning to it for that matter."

Absolutely!

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 5:09pm

Again...good luck. And don't be so sure re sales! I agree on the higher end...but I've got clients who already outsource *all* the telesales overseas....
Who woulda thought it!

MM

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 5:22pm

" wouldnt ask for or want enough to support me so i can sit home."

Nor would I. Perhaps you should read my post again :)

"i sah with my kids when they were little, and went to work as they got older."

Good for you.

"its a good thing too, because i never thought i would be divorced. dont be so confident. i was married 25 years, and when it happened it blew my mind. and no there was no "other woman/man"."

Sorry to hear that. I take it that the divorce wasn't your idea then. BTW, I'm not being confident here. I simply said I wasn't interested/concerned with being a member of/returning to the workforce unless I had no choice/was forced into it. In other words, if I had to do I would. But until that day, I DO have a choice :)

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 5:33pm

<<"Does the "workforce" not include at home employment?"

No, I personally wouldn't consider self publishing a book to be the "workforce".>> The government might consider differently, especially if you're making money off your "work." And I didn't know you could publish a book yourself. I thought you needed an agent or publisher to publish a book. You'd have to negotiate terms and a contract. Just because you're *writing* a book, doesn't mean it's going to get published.

<<"If you're working, you're working. Doesn't really matter where you do it."

That's your opinion. I work at home presently writing my book, but I wouldn't consider myself to be part of the "workforce".>> No. See above. That's the government's call.

<<"And you were replying to PNJ, not kbmamm when you said "Why is it that this kind of mindset is seemingly the "only" reasonable and/or rational possibility or option in life?"

Actually, I replied to both of them with post 412 (if you read my statements in the context in which they were intended perhaps they might make more sense). Sorry for the confusion :)>> Your comments were still too broad.

<

"I don't want the potential employer to regard a SAHM as having the same employability as I do, because I've given up being at home with my children and want to make sure that's perceived as a definite advantage for me." >> I agree with PNJ.

<<"I wasn't aware that kbmamm made up "popular opinion."

Well, *SHE* certainly seems to think that she does :)>> *She* does not speak for me or the multitude of WOHMs on this board or IRL.

<<"Your response to me makes no sense. If you said, "Kbmamm's opinion is not reasonalbe/rational" then maybe your comment would make sense."

What response would that be? >> That would be the one to which I was responding. Try to keep up.

The rest of your post doesn't make sense. Again.

BTW, what kind of book are you writing??? I'm assuming it's a fictional piece.

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