Hitting the "Mommy Wall"

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Hitting the "Mommy Wall"
1585
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 11:19am

I am surprised that this actually comes as a surprise to women trying to re-enter the workforce after taking time off to SAH. *Anyone* taking a not-so-brief hiatus from their career should expect the same treatment IMO . . . you're not going to be able to pick up right where you left off.

BTW - "hi" everyone! I've missed it here! :)

Women raise kids, lose careers

By TENISHA MERCER
THE DETROIT NEWS

Veronica Golubovic spent more than 20 years on the runways of Paris, Italy and New York as a designer for some of the most powerful names in fashion -- Yves Saint Laurent, Donna Karan and Perry Ellis.

But it was a three-year gap on her resume -- the hiatus she took after the births of her two children -- that garnered the most attention from prospective employers four years ago when Golubovic tried to resume her career.

She hasn't forgotten one recruiter's look of discomfort when she explained she was a stay-at-home mom. Or the way a top official at a retailer dismissed her during an interview with, "Oh, so now you don't know if you want to be a stay-at-home mommy."

"I came here thinking I've done so much, but it was very difficult," said Golubovic, 45, who eventually opened a designer clothing store in Birmingham, Mich., earlier this year. "I didn't think people would be hung up on it, but it was shocking and surprising. I couldn't believe their reactions."

Thirty years after women began joining the work force in large numbers, many are hitting the "mommy wall" when they try to return to work after having children.

They find it difficult -- if not impossible -- to return to the same positions they left, according to a recent study by the Forte Foundation in New York and the Wharton Center for Leadership and Change at the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania.

Unprepared for the obstacles they face on their return, many opt out of traditional corporate jobs and move to smaller companies. Experts dub the trend the "female brain drain" and say the exodus is coming just as businesses need talented, experienced workers to fill the gap as baby boomers prepare to retire en masse, leaving the biggest labor shortage in history in their wake.

"This is a defining issue for women," said Monica McGrath, an assistant professor at Wharton, who spearheaded the study. "Women who leave as vice presidents are not coming back as vice presidents. Now is not the time for corporations to squander billions of dollars in talent and enthusiasm at their fingertips. This is a talent pool that organizations need. We have a voice at the table, and I would hate to see us lose that."

The study found that half of working mothers who returned to work felt discouraged by their employer. Eighty-three percent ended up accepting a comparable or lower-level position, while 61 percent changed industries. About 45 percent of the women surveyed started their own businesses, and 59 percent went to work at smaller companies. The study is based on interviews with 200 women, most of them with MBA degrees.

The results add more fuel to the debate about whether and how women can blend careers and family. Even as women are graduating from law, business and medical schools at almost the same rates as men, they find their careers shifting in very different directions from their male colleagues once they have children.

"They want to spend time with their children, and it can be very time-consuming," said New York-based Cindy Swensen, who coaches executive women on how to return to work after having children. "Volunteering at the bake sale is probably not going to help you re-enter the work force."

It's a strange phenomenon for a generation of women who were raised to break down barriers while "having it all" -- even if that meant delaying or postponing plans to have children to focus on their careers.

"We hear very few stories of people just stepping back in where they left off," said Joanne Brundage, executive director of Mothers & More, a Chicago-area support group for working women who postpone their careers to have children.

"Clearly, there is a price to be paid for not staying full-time, full-force in most professions," Brundage said. "I think women who are becoming mothers now have a different set of priorities than women did 15 to 20 years ago. Unfortunately, the message may change, but the environment stays the same."

It's a message Cynthia Aks wasn't prepared for. The first female surgeon to graduate from the residency program at Oakland General Hospital in Madison Heights, Mich., in 1990, Aks battled her share of discrimination from colleagues who didn't care to work with women surgeons, she said.

But after Aks, an emergency room surgeon, decided to have a family in her late 30s, she found it tough to regain the solid career footing she had before her triplets were born nearly 13 years ago. Forced to take seven months off for pregnancy complications, her contract was not renewed, she said, because the hospital didn't know how to deal with a female surgeon with children.

Aks resumed her career as a specialty surgeon, but at a huge cost: Her salary plummeted 60 percent.

"The perception is that you cannot juggle multiple hats effectively," said Aks, 49, who now owns a medical practice in Southgate, Mich. "I believe it's challenging, but you can. You can have high aspirations, be successful, have a family and still be involved. It's not equal for women, and I don't think it ever will be."

Southfield, Mich.-based accounting firm Plante & Moran offers tailored work arrangements such as seasonal work, telecommuting and contract employment to retain working mothers. The firm offers the options to management only.

"We want to accommodate people and their schedules," said Bill Bufe, partner and human resources director at the accounting firm. "We've had people who wanted to leave, but we wouldn't let them. We made things much more flexible for them and allowed them to continue to keep their toe in the water here and do what they needed to do in their family."

CHANGING FOCUS WHAT WOMEN CAN DO

WHAT WOMEN CAN DO

Tips for preparing to return to work:

Create a "re-entry" plan with specific goals

Foster a network for support while away from the work force

Volunteer while away and make sure that experience can be framed in business terms when you want to go back to work

Stay connected to colleagues

Maintain professional licenses and memberships and attend continuing education courses

Take classes to refresh knowledge and skills

Stay informed about the business implications of global and economic changes in your field

Secure contract work while away

Be realistic about how long it will take to re-enter the work force

Sources: Wharton Center for Leadership and Change, the Forte Foundation

CHANGING FOCUS

A survey of women returning to work after raising families found many shifted professional roles:

Accepted comparable or lower-level job: 83 percent

Changed industries: 61 percent

Changed functional role: 54 percent

Became self-employed: 45 percent

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 9:47am

"I can totally get how SAHM can be fulfilling and spiritually fulfilling. I have a friend that I admire deeply that stays home and homeschools. When the rubber met the road, though, she was unwilling to return to work. Her DH was unemployed for two years."

Wow, how did they survive?

"Her children had no health insurance and one had to wait to get tubes put into his ears. I have to admit I had issues with her stance and lost some of my admiration."

I can see why you had issues. I would consider this behavior borderline neglect.

"Work is not dirty. It is sometimes necessary and part of being an adult is realizing when it is necessary."

I can see where you're coming from. However, there is a big difference between when and if it is necessary and when it is not. Sure, when it is necessary/a necessity one must do what they have to do, but when it is not, well it's simply unnecessary/not a necessity.

"So, when I read a SAHM saying, in the event of a caustrophic life event, they would self publish a book or work odd jobs instead of working a traditional job"

Please direct me to the post where I stated that I would work odd jobs? Self publishing a book, yes but odd jobs, no. BTW, is there something inherently wrong with choosing not to work a traditional job? If so, what?

"I don't understand the aversion for providing a steady income flow for your children long term. Short term is a little different because you are dealing with all sorts of emotion and logistical problems after a caustrophic life event."

Please direct me to the post where I stated that I had an aversion to providing a steady income for my child long term in the case of a catastrophic life event? I clearly remember saying that if I were forced/no longer had a choice, that I would do what I had to do in order to support myself and my child.

"So, theoritically, your DH dies and you discover your life insurance policy was a fraud. You have SS and some assests. You could last one year without working a traditional job. Do you go to work as a teacher after that year?

If it came down to that, yes. Again, I have already stated that I would do what I had to do in order to support myself and my child. I'm not really getting the point or the relevency of your post here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 9:54am

Why don't you get back to us when you are no longer be supported by someone who has sold out and is supporting your grandiose ideas with that evil/horrible money?

PumpkinAngel

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 9:55am

I already answered your question. I've been more and less ambitious at certain times of my life. I was more ambitious when I went to law school. I was more ambitious when I stayed in private practice for 11 yrs. Now I'm at a different place in my life, so no, I'm not particularly ambitious. (If I were, I guess I'd be like my boss, who went from teaching legal writing to directing our program to teaching civil procedure and is now chasing tenure. Are you really so sure nobody in acadamia is ambitious? Come to a faculty meeting sometime.) I like what I do, and I use my extra time to volunteer in my kids' classrooms, coach their teams, and raise money for their school. I don't know what I'll do when the kids are older--I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. If I found something that excited me and required a lot of time to do well, I might work long hours again, but I doubt it. I don't need the money, and I have other things in my life besides work that are important to me. I feel fine about that--for me, private practice is btdt.

Now how about answering my question? Are you ambitious, and why does working ft make you ambitious? I've never known a truly ambitious lawyer to take a job as in-house counsel, unless it was a partner moving to the general counsel spot. If you're working 40-45 hrs/wk, how does that make you ambitious, yet somebody who works 4 days a week instead of 5 days a week like you isn't. And since you want to use me as an example, I do plan to work ft again, probably within the next couple of years. Does that mean I'll be "ambitious" again in your book, and if so, how is it different from you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 10:10am

"I have no stereotype about sahm in general and since the statements I made about these women were accurate and not an assumption nor biased in anyway..."

No sterotypes about SAHM's? No inaccurate statements? No assumptions or bias in any way? None whatsoever? Are you sure? Or are simply referring to this and only this particular post?

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"What does it matter?"

You made the statement that the majority of these SAHM's have spouses who work extensive hours and have full travel schedules. So, what do each of these spouses do anyway? Just checking out the accuracy of your story so as to rule out the possibility of unfounded stereotypes, assumptions, and bias. You did state that you were privy to this sort of information did you not?

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 10:34am
I agree. I don't understand why someone who does a good job for 40 hrs/week (and gets paid for 40 hrs/wk) is "better" than someone who does a good job for 30 hrs/wk (and gets paid for 30 hrs/wk).
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 10:36am

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Nope, no, no, no, yes, no I am referring to general statements.


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Yes I did.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 10:42am
Did she really say that nobody in academia is ambitious??? I missed that, but if so, her Ivory Tower is surrounded by way more clouds than the one she's always accusing me of inhabiting. That's so far off the mark it's utterly hilarious.
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 10:45am

I find this odd too. When I went back to work, I was hired over other people who didn't have gaps in their resume, probably because I had experience and contacts they didn't have, despite having sah. I got the same starting salary they pay everybody--why wouldn't I?

This is really an example of women not being supportive of other women making choices different from their own. I think it hurts everybody in the long run.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 10:51am

Yes; isn't it? She asked me why I was teaching legal writing if I were truly "ambitious," so her implication was that academics weren't ambitious. I suggested she come to a faculty meeting sometime. ;) The politics around my old law firm are nothing compared to the law school.

Probably she just meant to slam me for teaching legal writing, which is pretty much the lowliest thing you can teach in law school. Regular faculty regard legal writing faculty with suspicion, as we are mainly former practitioners rather than scholars like them. My boss has had to jump through incredible hoops (including teaching and writing outside her area of expertise) to get on tenure track.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 10:54am

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"In the general debate reference you mentioned it before....no, why would I?"

Because I only post about 3 times a year and this was the last discussion we had.

"Since I don't remember the exact content and I am just going by the title,"

It was one of the sub threads in the OP by art luvr entitled "How do I convince my husband". You know the one with perhaps the largest number of posts ever on this board (1862)? Does that jog your memory?

"perhaps however, you should re-consult with your mom as there is a world of difference between tax on income earned and child care tax credit...."

Of course there is a world of difference between tax on income earned and child care tax credit. Could you please explain your reasoning as to why you are correlating them in the first place? I'm just not following your logic here.

<>

"Interesting....once again a vague response to the question as to where you are getting the funds to self-publish your book."

Vague? Again, what do you not understand about the term personal funds? Aren't you in accounting? Hmm, you seem to be having great difficulty processing terms such as "tax on income earned", "child care tax credit", and "personal funds". I would think that you would be required to have at least a basic understanding of these terms with regard to the line of work you are in. You are in accounting, right?

"Interesting that you glossed over the remaining questions that specifically asked you details on how you are going to self-publish."

I've already explained this to you. Again, I have no specific, detailed, long term plans as of yet, but rather a general game plan that primarily includes finishing my book. Beyond that, I'll just have to wait and see what happens.

"Why is this so hard for you to answer?"

It isn't hard to answer. You simply don't like the answer I have given you :)

"How does one self-publish a book (not to mention your cd and masters education) without paid work being involved?"

Please direct me to the post where I stated that there was no paid work involved with regard to these ventures?

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