Hitting the "Mommy Wall"

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Hitting the "Mommy Wall"
1585
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 11:19am

I am surprised that this actually comes as a surprise to women trying to re-enter the workforce after taking time off to SAH. *Anyone* taking a not-so-brief hiatus from their career should expect the same treatment IMO . . . you're not going to be able to pick up right where you left off.

BTW - "hi" everyone! I've missed it here! :)

Women raise kids, lose careers

By TENISHA MERCER
THE DETROIT NEWS

Veronica Golubovic spent more than 20 years on the runways of Paris, Italy and New York as a designer for some of the most powerful names in fashion -- Yves Saint Laurent, Donna Karan and Perry Ellis.

But it was a three-year gap on her resume -- the hiatus she took after the births of her two children -- that garnered the most attention from prospective employers four years ago when Golubovic tried to resume her career.

She hasn't forgotten one recruiter's look of discomfort when she explained she was a stay-at-home mom. Or the way a top official at a retailer dismissed her during an interview with, "Oh, so now you don't know if you want to be a stay-at-home mommy."

"I came here thinking I've done so much, but it was very difficult," said Golubovic, 45, who eventually opened a designer clothing store in Birmingham, Mich., earlier this year. "I didn't think people would be hung up on it, but it was shocking and surprising. I couldn't believe their reactions."

Thirty years after women began joining the work force in large numbers, many are hitting the "mommy wall" when they try to return to work after having children.

They find it difficult -- if not impossible -- to return to the same positions they left, according to a recent study by the Forte Foundation in New York and the Wharton Center for Leadership and Change at the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania.

Unprepared for the obstacles they face on their return, many opt out of traditional corporate jobs and move to smaller companies. Experts dub the trend the "female brain drain" and say the exodus is coming just as businesses need talented, experienced workers to fill the gap as baby boomers prepare to retire en masse, leaving the biggest labor shortage in history in their wake.

"This is a defining issue for women," said Monica McGrath, an assistant professor at Wharton, who spearheaded the study. "Women who leave as vice presidents are not coming back as vice presidents. Now is not the time for corporations to squander billions of dollars in talent and enthusiasm at their fingertips. This is a talent pool that organizations need. We have a voice at the table, and I would hate to see us lose that."

The study found that half of working mothers who returned to work felt discouraged by their employer. Eighty-three percent ended up accepting a comparable or lower-level position, while 61 percent changed industries. About 45 percent of the women surveyed started their own businesses, and 59 percent went to work at smaller companies. The study is based on interviews with 200 women, most of them with MBA degrees.

The results add more fuel to the debate about whether and how women can blend careers and family. Even as women are graduating from law, business and medical schools at almost the same rates as men, they find their careers shifting in very different directions from their male colleagues once they have children.

"They want to spend time with their children, and it can be very time-consuming," said New York-based Cindy Swensen, who coaches executive women on how to return to work after having children. "Volunteering at the bake sale is probably not going to help you re-enter the work force."

It's a strange phenomenon for a generation of women who were raised to break down barriers while "having it all" -- even if that meant delaying or postponing plans to have children to focus on their careers.

"We hear very few stories of people just stepping back in where they left off," said Joanne Brundage, executive director of Mothers & More, a Chicago-area support group for working women who postpone their careers to have children.

"Clearly, there is a price to be paid for not staying full-time, full-force in most professions," Brundage said. "I think women who are becoming mothers now have a different set of priorities than women did 15 to 20 years ago. Unfortunately, the message may change, but the environment stays the same."

It's a message Cynthia Aks wasn't prepared for. The first female surgeon to graduate from the residency program at Oakland General Hospital in Madison Heights, Mich., in 1990, Aks battled her share of discrimination from colleagues who didn't care to work with women surgeons, she said.

But after Aks, an emergency room surgeon, decided to have a family in her late 30s, she found it tough to regain the solid career footing she had before her triplets were born nearly 13 years ago. Forced to take seven months off for pregnancy complications, her contract was not renewed, she said, because the hospital didn't know how to deal with a female surgeon with children.

Aks resumed her career as a specialty surgeon, but at a huge cost: Her salary plummeted 60 percent.

"The perception is that you cannot juggle multiple hats effectively," said Aks, 49, who now owns a medical practice in Southgate, Mich. "I believe it's challenging, but you can. You can have high aspirations, be successful, have a family and still be involved. It's not equal for women, and I don't think it ever will be."

Southfield, Mich.-based accounting firm Plante & Moran offers tailored work arrangements such as seasonal work, telecommuting and contract employment to retain working mothers. The firm offers the options to management only.

"We want to accommodate people and their schedules," said Bill Bufe, partner and human resources director at the accounting firm. "We've had people who wanted to leave, but we wouldn't let them. We made things much more flexible for them and allowed them to continue to keep their toe in the water here and do what they needed to do in their family."

CHANGING FOCUS WHAT WOMEN CAN DO

WHAT WOMEN CAN DO

Tips for preparing to return to work:

Create a "re-entry" plan with specific goals

Foster a network for support while away from the work force

Volunteer while away and make sure that experience can be framed in business terms when you want to go back to work

Stay connected to colleagues

Maintain professional licenses and memberships and attend continuing education courses

Take classes to refresh knowledge and skills

Stay informed about the business implications of global and economic changes in your field

Secure contract work while away

Be realistic about how long it will take to re-enter the work force

Sources: Wharton Center for Leadership and Change, the Forte Foundation

CHANGING FOCUS

A survey of women returning to work after raising families found many shifted professional roles:

Accepted comparable or lower-level job: 83 percent

Changed industries: 61 percent

Changed functional role: 54 percent

Became self-employed: 45 percent

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 9:12pm
I'm not a MWOHM.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 9:41pm
Yes...$45K 6 years ago was a lot of money to a SINGLE person. I did very well for myself. Smart investments and smart real estate made my income great. $45K today in my area would be a nice supplement. Not enough to raise 3 children by myself. Unless I wanted to sell our home and downsize.
Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 9:43pm
I have a friend that lives in California. Her home cost $688,000. It is 1000 sq ft 2 bd 1 bath. $150K is a struggle there. $150K in my area is a great income. You could live quite well here.
Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 9:46pm

You are confused. The example she gave was that she would hire someone that had been working for the last 3 yr over someone that hadn't. I clearly pointed out that in many cases she would be hurting herself.

I have no doubt that going back to my line of work will take many months to rebuild. But that isn't a hire don't hire situation. That is an income issue.

Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 9:55pm

<<>>

I can tell you that is just a little off. After our first child was born my DH had lots of thoughts about going back to work. He was just glad he was going to back to work and I was going to be with our son. That eased his mind. Again...a talk we had long before we married. I knew what would happened when we decided to have children. That is why we prepared for it, and then executed it. It works. We are competing with each other. There is no shame in going back to work, just like there is no shame in being a SAHD, nor any shame in quitting your job to be a SAHM. My talents lie with the job I had. I am a much better master colorist than I am a housewife. I hate cleaning house...I love doing hair. I just love being with my kids more than all of it.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 12:14am

I'm saying that the time the sahm spent doing something longer or better than you did would be the time she paid the piper. She could have done more than you have done--she just did it before she sah.

I'm not saying it's not an advantage to stay in the workplace. I'm saying that I would never stay in the workplace because I was trying to get up on people who didn't.

And now we've ended up right where we started this discussion. I think the prejudices some wohms display about former sahms are largely about envy and competition.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 12:41am

I don't think so. Wen1001 doesn't believe returning sahms can be "stars." ;)

No, these jobs are not hard to fill. They are very competitive, despite the fact that academia doesn't pay the big bucks. We had over 100 applicants the year I applied. We had another opening a year after I started, so I have participated in the hiring process from both sides. We get many good applicants, and we don't interview people just for the fun of it--the interview process is very extensive.

I can think of lots of women who've had gaps who haven't had trouble returning to work. At DH's old company, they used to give women sabbaticals where you could take 1-2 years off and still be guaranteed your job when you returned. My sil was a ft wohm for 12 years, then a sahm for 2 years, and then was recruited by another company. The terms were so cushy, she said it was impossible to turn down. I have half a dozen friends who are teachers who have taken time off and had no trouble at all returning to teaching, including one friend who took off 1-2 years with the birth of each of her 3 kids. A single mom friend of mine saved her money for years so she could take a year and a half off to stay home with her kids. She was a nurse, and had no trouble getting re-hired. I could go on, but surely you get the idea.

I haven't argued that gaps are "neutral." I said that whether they matter depends on the person and the job. Do you really believe you couldn't have taken off a year or two without causing serious injury to your career?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 6:35am

<>

I agree. I could understand staying in the workplace so as not to lose traction in one's *own* individual career path. But, to couch that in terms of getting one-up on the sahms and allowing an amorphous, faceless group of potential co-workers (sahms) to dictate your major life decisions...? That is competition, envy and a lack of confidence in oneself that when push came to shove, one might not be able to *eventually* make up for any ground lost when returning to work. Hopefully, that's not the single factor for any wohm in deciding not to sah.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 6:46am

<>

If it's not too personal, can I ask what that experience was? Did you argue before the Supreme Court, try lots of cases?

There are a few lawyers out there who have excellent research and writing abilities, which you obviously do. But it is a rare talent to be able to teach those things well. I can see where the gap on your resume could be overlooked. Again, I believe that if I as a sahm returned to litigation, I'd need to get my feet wet in a part-time or volunteer job, and then move up to a decent paying full-time job over time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 6:51am
Don't men mostly have those of-counsel positions?? That's been my observation. And even then, of-counsel usually means they weren't profitable enough or connected enough to become equity partner. They certainly aren't "of-counsel" because they took off several years to sah with children or to sah for any reason. Usually those who are of-counsel have not taken a break in employment.

Pages