Hitting the "Mommy Wall"

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Hitting the "Mommy Wall"
1585
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 11:19am

I am surprised that this actually comes as a surprise to women trying to re-enter the workforce after taking time off to SAH. *Anyone* taking a not-so-brief hiatus from their career should expect the same treatment IMO . . . you're not going to be able to pick up right where you left off.

BTW - "hi" everyone! I've missed it here! :)

Women raise kids, lose careers

By TENISHA MERCER
THE DETROIT NEWS

Veronica Golubovic spent more than 20 years on the runways of Paris, Italy and New York as a designer for some of the most powerful names in fashion -- Yves Saint Laurent, Donna Karan and Perry Ellis.

But it was a three-year gap on her resume -- the hiatus she took after the births of her two children -- that garnered the most attention from prospective employers four years ago when Golubovic tried to resume her career.

She hasn't forgotten one recruiter's look of discomfort when she explained she was a stay-at-home mom. Or the way a top official at a retailer dismissed her during an interview with, "Oh, so now you don't know if you want to be a stay-at-home mommy."

"I came here thinking I've done so much, but it was very difficult," said Golubovic, 45, who eventually opened a designer clothing store in Birmingham, Mich., earlier this year. "I didn't think people would be hung up on it, but it was shocking and surprising. I couldn't believe their reactions."

Thirty years after women began joining the work force in large numbers, many are hitting the "mommy wall" when they try to return to work after having children.

They find it difficult -- if not impossible -- to return to the same positions they left, according to a recent study by the Forte Foundation in New York and the Wharton Center for Leadership and Change at the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania.

Unprepared for the obstacles they face on their return, many opt out of traditional corporate jobs and move to smaller companies. Experts dub the trend the "female brain drain" and say the exodus is coming just as businesses need talented, experienced workers to fill the gap as baby boomers prepare to retire en masse, leaving the biggest labor shortage in history in their wake.

"This is a defining issue for women," said Monica McGrath, an assistant professor at Wharton, who spearheaded the study. "Women who leave as vice presidents are not coming back as vice presidents. Now is not the time for corporations to squander billions of dollars in talent and enthusiasm at their fingertips. This is a talent pool that organizations need. We have a voice at the table, and I would hate to see us lose that."

The study found that half of working mothers who returned to work felt discouraged by their employer. Eighty-three percent ended up accepting a comparable or lower-level position, while 61 percent changed industries. About 45 percent of the women surveyed started their own businesses, and 59 percent went to work at smaller companies. The study is based on interviews with 200 women, most of them with MBA degrees.

The results add more fuel to the debate about whether and how women can blend careers and family. Even as women are graduating from law, business and medical schools at almost the same rates as men, they find their careers shifting in very different directions from their male colleagues once they have children.

"They want to spend time with their children, and it can be very time-consuming," said New York-based Cindy Swensen, who coaches executive women on how to return to work after having children. "Volunteering at the bake sale is probably not going to help you re-enter the work force."

It's a strange phenomenon for a generation of women who were raised to break down barriers while "having it all" -- even if that meant delaying or postponing plans to have children to focus on their careers.

"We hear very few stories of people just stepping back in where they left off," said Joanne Brundage, executive director of Mothers & More, a Chicago-area support group for working women who postpone their careers to have children.

"Clearly, there is a price to be paid for not staying full-time, full-force in most professions," Brundage said. "I think women who are becoming mothers now have a different set of priorities than women did 15 to 20 years ago. Unfortunately, the message may change, but the environment stays the same."

It's a message Cynthia Aks wasn't prepared for. The first female surgeon to graduate from the residency program at Oakland General Hospital in Madison Heights, Mich., in 1990, Aks battled her share of discrimination from colleagues who didn't care to work with women surgeons, she said.

But after Aks, an emergency room surgeon, decided to have a family in her late 30s, she found it tough to regain the solid career footing she had before her triplets were born nearly 13 years ago. Forced to take seven months off for pregnancy complications, her contract was not renewed, she said, because the hospital didn't know how to deal with a female surgeon with children.

Aks resumed her career as a specialty surgeon, but at a huge cost: Her salary plummeted 60 percent.

"The perception is that you cannot juggle multiple hats effectively," said Aks, 49, who now owns a medical practice in Southgate, Mich. "I believe it's challenging, but you can. You can have high aspirations, be successful, have a family and still be involved. It's not equal for women, and I don't think it ever will be."

Southfield, Mich.-based accounting firm Plante & Moran offers tailored work arrangements such as seasonal work, telecommuting and contract employment to retain working mothers. The firm offers the options to management only.

"We want to accommodate people and their schedules," said Bill Bufe, partner and human resources director at the accounting firm. "We've had people who wanted to leave, but we wouldn't let them. We made things much more flexible for them and allowed them to continue to keep their toe in the water here and do what they needed to do in their family."

CHANGING FOCUS WHAT WOMEN CAN DO

WHAT WOMEN CAN DO

Tips for preparing to return to work:

Create a "re-entry" plan with specific goals

Foster a network for support while away from the work force

Volunteer while away and make sure that experience can be framed in business terms when you want to go back to work

Stay connected to colleagues

Maintain professional licenses and memberships and attend continuing education courses

Take classes to refresh knowledge and skills

Stay informed about the business implications of global and economic changes in your field

Secure contract work while away

Be realistic about how long it will take to re-enter the work force

Sources: Wharton Center for Leadership and Change, the Forte Foundation

CHANGING FOCUS

A survey of women returning to work after raising families found many shifted professional roles:

Accepted comparable or lower-level job: 83 percent

Changed industries: 61 percent

Changed functional role: 54 percent

Became self-employed: 45 percent

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 11:35am

"tell me then, would you hire a former sahm who chose to sacrifice 6 years of her career for her children and wants to now re-enter the workforce.....and let's just pretend she is just as capable, experienced and educated as the wohm who has not chosen such detour in her career?"


It depends on the position.

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Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 11:37am

Honestly, I've never envied anybody because they didn't have a gap in their resume. I was 37 when I quit to sah, and I felt I had done some things that I wanted to do. I'm very much a "sequencing" kind of person, so I believe there are different things for different times in your life. And I really loved being home with my kids. If I'd had kids when I was younger, things might have been different.

And since you've stopped jumping on me about not being a partner, I'll tell you why I wasn't. I don't like business development, and my preferred practice area wasn't profitable enough. Now and then I miss the work I used to do and the status of working at a big firm. But I have no regrets about having been home with my kids. If I had it to do over, I would do it exactly the same way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 11:40am
Was it hard to get back into a work routine after being home for a few years, or not as difficult because your children were older?

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Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 11:43am

I don't think my firm would have hired a senior lawyer with no clients who had a gap in his or her resume, but it's not a bad idea.

But again, why would the gap suggest someone won't be around in 5 years? I just don't understand this thinking. I already have one gap to deal with; I don't want another. Why would you think that someone who wanted to stay home with her children when they were small would quit again after the kids are older?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 11:49am

My reasoning goes along this way - they have lived without the income they would have had from working for all those years, so they may not be too pressed to earn the salary.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 11:52am

I agree that the type of job matters - like my example with law enforcement. Supply and demand. I also think that a significant investment in a career prior to a small-ish gap (your example of 12 years in and a 2 year gap) is a very different scenerio than a woman with 2-3 years experience and a 5 year gap, particularly in a field where a 2 year gap would not cause someone to be behiind in the technology or marketplace. I disagree with your statment that wen1001 does not think SAHMs can be "starts" - maybe there is history with this poster that I don't know about, but I did not get that from her post. She listed two cases of SAHMs being "stars" - one when the woman was already a star in her field prior to a gap and the other case being 2-3 years after her return when she had demostrated her "star" skills. Both quite reasonable, IMO.

Could I have taken off 2 years? It would depend on when in my training/career. As a post-doc, I could have taken off 1 maybe 2 years and re-entered with a reasonable expectation of a good position. I would have had fewer choices of the best positions and would have most likely been out of contention for the most competetive fellowships, but I could have gotten a job. Domestic post-docs that are reasonably productive are very very employable because of the demand for their labor. But I estimate that a 1-2 year gap would have added 2-3 years onto the length of a fellowhip I would have needed to be competetive by the end. Now, however, I can't see (and do not know of any women who have) leaving for more than a very brief time - 6-8 weeks maybe. Since I am essentially a small business owner, no one can replace me. And if I am not there, my funding is not there so my employees would all be out of jobs as well. If I was contemplating a 2 year gap right now, I would no longer be employable upon returning. I would have to change jobs. On the flip side, were I much much more senior, I could probably negotiate a sabatical of some kind, but those priveledges tend to come with rank. And probably toward the end of a woman's child-bearing years anyway.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 12:02pm

I can see where your thoughts are coming from, I just get the feeling that they are based more on theory rather than reality. I do agree that this type of thinking might be typical of some returning to work SAHMs. But I think what bothers me a bit is the assumption that a gap in employment due to SAH automatically means that person actively loved and preferred to SAH and that somehow the trasition to WOH is going to be too hard for them to hack. It isn't always a choice and that person may well be thinking "whew! I can finally get back to my career". It may have been the best decision for the family as a whole based on temporary circumstances, or family needs but not reflective of the long-term needs or desires of the person who SAH.

Perhaps we were unusual, but when I went back to work it was with the understanding that my job needs would trump dh's when it came to dealing with sick kids etc. (in other words, if we both had important stuff planned, mine would get first priority). Our reasoning was that he had a well-established career and a very safe job, while I was trying to rebuild my career, which meant that I felt I had to be more available, flexible and willing to go in regardless. Dh tended to take more days off for sick kids and holidays than I did and he immediately took over the job of getting them to school/dc every day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 12:08pm

It's based on the people I know.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 12:31pm

Fair enough. Given our lifestyle, most of the people we know have fallen in the category of ""how many countries can we live in?" lifestyle where WOH might not be a legal option for both spouses" :-). That has cut both ways: I've known several cases where the husband has either stayed home completely or stepped down considerably to accomodate the move and his spouse's career. It isn't always an issue of visas, sometimes finding two jobs simulatenously in the same location is all but impossible. But that's why I've said from the beginning that SAHMs returning to work aren't a single group who uniformly are less career-oriented, less serious or less likely to stick to the job. Circumstances and reasons behind the gap are important.

For what it's worth, I've agreed with a lot of what you have said. I think returning SAHMs should expect to start way down the ladder again and should expect less pay for harder work. Getting that first job is a chance to prove oneself again, but that takes a lot of time, energy and devotion to one's long-term career. The only issue I've had with this debate from beginning to end is the assumption that any gap in a resume automatically says that person is somehow less serious or more likely to quit when the going gets tough. Once that person has proven their willingness to do what it takes to be a "star", there should be some level of respect and eventual reward for that (in the form, perhaps, of better pay, more flexibility and better long-term prospects down the road).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 12:37pm

"Can you not back up any of the statements you made? Why would one make inflammatory statements and question someone's integrity and then can't/won't back them up?"

Sure, I can back them up. In fact, I'd be happy to make a compliation of statments you have made in this thread that expose the blatantly negative, stereotypical, personally biased, prejudiced, judgemental, anti-feminist/militant WOH views/assumptions/perceptions etc. of which I am speaking. Why would I make "immlammatory statements and question someone's integrity" if I couldn't back them up? Just for the fun of it?

Again, I simply thought that outright asking you where you stand would be far more polite than making a compliation of the many negative comments and statements that you have made throughout this thread. However, seeing as you refuse to be straight forward and simply tell us where you stand, I would be happy to give you the compilation that you have been so keening insisting upon. Perhaps, upon further reflection of your own statements you might then begin to grasp/understand why it is that your integrity is most definately in question/on the line here.

With that said, here is a statement you made from post 599.

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=16229.599

"I find it interesting that we as upper middle class women think that we can support a family through such grand ideas of bliss by raising a steer or self publishing so we don't have to dirty our hands by actually working and earning a paycheck (although it's perfectly acceptable that our dh's do) yet working poor women are too busy surviving to actually implement any of these grand plans or find their bliss because well...they take money."

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