Home for BM and DSD to live rent-free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Home for BM and DSD to live rent-free
31
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 12:33pm
I have a question to ask. I've been thinking that if we don't get custody of my dsd what is it that we could do to try and ensure that my dsd gets what she deserves, in despite of what her mother's priorities are.

I have a house that's paid for in North Carolina where I just pay for the property taxes every month. It's a 3 bedroom, approx. 2500 sq. ft and very clean. It's 15 years old. I inherited it from my grandmother when she passed. Her insurance paid it off. I don't like North Carolina too tough so I didn't stay there too long when she died. I only stayed there for 1 year and moved back home to NY and then to GA.

It hasn't been rented out, but is kept up by my BIL who lives in NC. It's actually move in ready.

We were thinking about renting it out to get extra money for our house, but since we don't need extra money, I figured that we could just have my dsd and her mother stay there rent-free. All she would have to do is pay the utilities and get fixed whatever SHE breaks. That does not mean she is to pay for any maintenance problems from the house itself. Of course we would be responsible for that.

But I'm thinking that if we do this and the child is still not cared for and she says she needs more money, the judge would see that her housing is paid for, she receives CS, has a paid for car, as well as all the other expenses that are paid for my dsd and will wonder what she needs an increase for.

But in actuality, it will benefit my dsd. She won't be living in an apartment, she'll have a backyard to play, instead of in the street or parking lot and it will leave more money from her mother to help give her what she needs, *hopefully*.

Do you think this would help? It was a thought and not written in stone.

What else is there for us to do.



It's just a thought

Tonya

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 1:19pm
How likely do you think it is that the biomom would agree to this? Truthfully, I think that's the first thing you need to think about, before you ask us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 1:32pm
If her complaint is that her funds are low and rent (which is her highest expense)is paid for, why wouldn't she. That would relieve of her of $550 a month.

Now, whether she would agree that if her new baby daddy was to stay there HE would have to us the property tax, is another story.

Tonya
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 2:07pm
Well, *I* wouldn't have done it, regardless of my financial circumstances, because I would feel that it was being dictated to me where I should live. It's a generous idea but it just seems like she could feel backed into a corner by this, something that may come back to bite your dh in the butt if she ever chose to bring it up in court.

Additionally, I am an adult and I wouldn't want someone else placing conditions on whether other people could live with me if I chose to let them.

IMO, it would change your dh's position from that of a caring NCP to that of a controlling dictator. Even if it wasn't really the case, it could certainly appear that way, either to her or to the courts...either of which could cause things to turn pretty icky, pretty fast.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 2:17pm
I would tread *very* carefully here.

It could backfire. While I'm presuming the house is in *your* name, if she *is* planning to take you back for more child support, it could look like you are hiding assets. AND...it may look like you *can* afford to pay more.

All around, bad idea. At least in my opinion.

<a href="http://www.glittergraphics.us" target="_blank"><img src="http://mic.bpcdn.us/bpg0/a.gif" border="0" alt="Myspace Glitter Graphics, MySpace Graph

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 2:32pm
She plans to take my DH for more child support and feels my income should be included. But I already checked and it's not allowed in North Carolina where she and CS case is originated. Neither is it allowed GA. So I'm not worried about my assets. But I do have a lawyer to make sure that law sticks.

My dh doesn't have anymore assets than his car and his military job, so she can have whatever she can get from that, but it won't be mine. I'm sure her lawyer or public defendant will let her know.

Tonya
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 2:35pm
**Well, *I* wouldn't have done it, regardless of my financial circumstances, because I would feel that it was being dictated to me where I should live.**

Oh we were just going to offer it to her, she doesn't have to accept the offer. It was just a thought.

Tonya
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 2:47pm
considering your mindset against this woman the best thing you can do is just stay out of the picture and let you husband handle it. you say the law is that she can not attach any of your income then you have nothing to worry about. but she is entitled to whatever the law says she can have from the childs father, which normally is a percentage of his income, he provides insurance for the child and pays 1/2 of any medical expenses not covered by the insurance and at least 1/2 if not all expenses with transportation to visitation. perhaps to help you get over this feeling of being used you need to just stick to what the law requires - because anything you give beyond that is a gift and normally people dont expect gratitude for gifts. if you still want to do special things for your sd do them when she is with you for visitation - you want her to go to camp arrange for her to do so when she is visiting for the summer. you want to buy her clothes, give them to her as a birthday/xmas gift. this woman owes you nothing, the two of you will probably never like each other, but you really should learn how to be civil to each other for the sake of the child. and im sorry but i cant imagine how anyone who could talk as badly about another person as you constantly do about this person could be civil to that person.

Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 3:01pm
**and im sorry but i cant imagine how anyone who could talk as badly about another person as you constantly do about this person could be civil to that person**

Try working in a profession with a bunch os CEOs and COOs and being the only woman in the group as an Associate Administrator. You'll get plenty of practice....LOL

Tonya
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 3:12pm
Are you trying to sound tough?

I'm sorry, but I envision a child clutching her toy saying MINE! MINE! MINE!

Sheesh. Remind me to go home tonight and give my own DH a kiss for all the times he's thanked me for being such a wonderful mom (step) to HIS daughter from a one-night stand. I see now, I really WAS.

I never once insinuated that his child should be treated less than ours. I only asked for equal, and it didn't pan out that way, but I guess that's life.

I never once considered hiring a lawyer for myself, for my husbands CS hearing. I guess I subscribe to the "for better or for worse" theory. My assets were his assets, and vice versa.

But hey, to each their own.

<a href="http://www.glittergraphics.us" target="_blank"><img src="http://mic.bpcdn.us/bpg0/a.gif" border="0" alt="Myspace Glitter Graphics, MySpace Graph

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 3:28pm
Although it sounds on the surface like a solution to this problem, I think this setup might be a can of worms best left closed. What if she moves her boyfriend, other relatives, whoever, into the house? What if they trash it? What if she gets a slick lawyer who decides to look for other "hidden assets"? What if the arrangement doesn't work out and somebody has to kick them out of the house? I think you need to think longer and harder about this, before you make anyone an offer.

Pages