Honestly do and should children always

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Honestly do and should children always
149
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 10:54am

Come first?


I don't mean in an emergency or their general well being.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 10:59am

No,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 11:03am

We did that last night.


1.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 11:16am

No, not at all. To write a sweeping generalization, I would conjecture that the choice to become a parent (as long as we all still have that choice...) comes with a general commitment to place that child's needs above one's own. However, in real practice, for sure I would say that parents have not only the right, but the *obligation* to - at times - place their marriage, their job, their extended family, their home above the needs of their children.

I think the basics - shelter, food, safety, healthcare - are ones that a parent necessarily should commit to providing to their children above all else.

Beyond that parents need to place their marriage as a priority - even if it means time away from their kids - to provide the stable environment for the family and to nurture the marriage - that relationship needs more work than parent-child and deserves the commitment of time and energy.

Parents need to place work as a priority when necessary as it contributes to the stability again of the family and the ability to provide for those absolutes of shelter, food, etc.

Parents need to place themselves as a priority, again to ensure that they are available later in like and provide the more stable environment.

So, given my whole synopsis, I suppose one *could* argue that children *do* always come first to a degree, because the non-children-focused things I listed I am justifying because they contribute in the end to a better family for the child.



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 11:26am

I don't think kids should come first. I think it should be yourself first, your spouse/partner, kids, extended family and friends.


Kind of OT, but you should have healthy quick staples on hand for the sitter. McDon should be minimized as much as possible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 11:33am

No, definitely not.


Tonight I have a volunteer obligation that takes precedence over family and anything else.


Next week DH is taking me out for a surprise night on the town on a school night - for that night, our marriage takes priority over kids' homework and chores.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 11:34am

Short answer--No. I don't think that it is possible anyway unless you only have one child. And even then, always putting them first puts a strain on the marriage. If the marriage fails, then the child loses her priority status because the custodial parents will have to get a job.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 11:39am

Insert *eye roll*.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 11:56am

I think it is ridiculous to say any one thing should always be first, because I simply don't think it is possible.

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 12:29pm

nope.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 12:30pm

That is just an awesome post.

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