How did you do it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
How did you do it?
614
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 2:32pm
I am about to turn 23 and I want to start trying to have kids when I turn 25. I want to be a stay at home mom. I LOVE kids! I could not be away from my baby. But, heres the problem. How do I afford it? 2 car payments a house payment, and 1 credit card payment! And of course all the other monthly bills. My husband and I both have college degrees but he does make more than me. We both want me to stay at home. How did ya'll switch from 2 incomes to 1? Is everyone just rich? I dont get it! Please help! I know I need to start preparing financially for this now!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 12:43pm
Not all single income families sacrifice.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2003
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 12:43pm
my children need me at home. i have a son who is severe adhd. sure i couldve load him off someone to raise while i work 8 hours a day. my husband and i decided after he was born to sacrafice so his mother could be there for him. He needs outweigh my need for new clothes
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 12:44pm

Despite your assertions to the contrary, your posts don't read as if their author is living a happy life filled with compassion for others.


Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2003
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 12:52pm
i have already said i was frustrated with outside people. my life is great. could it be better sure. my son couldve been born without adhd and my daughter couldve been born with out a birth defect. but i believe god only puts on you what you can handle. i got the kids i got cause god knew they would be loved by me unconditionally. problems and all. im not saying im content with my finances but my children are fed and clothed. they dont go with out their needs, wants yes needs no. sure i would like more money not for luxeries but for secerity.
Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 1:00pm

No we are not all the same. We are each unique individuals who have something to add to the world. I do not strive to be the same as everyone else. It's ironic that you strive to teach your children to be just like everyone else when you are singing the virtues of being different.

Many great men came from privliged backgrounds. Because lots of times you need family money to be able to go into public service. There are no hard and fast rules, but great men come from all sorts of backgrounds.

Your SIL's kids are just reacting to what they know. It's good for kids to experience conditions different from what they are used to. But they are kids and sometimes they do not know that what they say might hurt someone else's feelings. Cut the kid some slack. He's a kid.

You don't go to church because you don't want other people to comment on your clothes? I am sorry about that, but perhaps if you are wearing old clothes that don't fit you well you should find a way to get other clothes. There are consignment shops that sell nice, used clothes in all sizes. IMO if you can't buy clothes more frequently than every 8 years you are living in the kind of poverty that is harmful to children.

Would it have made you feel better if the person who flipped your dh the bird was driving a Ford? What does the Lexus have to do with it? Rude is rude and not related to money.

We weren't blessed with rich parents (my mother is a teacher, my father a retired tool and die maker). But we were blessed with the ability to work hard to make our own way in the world. I worked ft when my kids were small so my dh could go to law school (he worked ft also). Now he makes enough money so that I don't have to work ft, although I enjoy working pt. I have the ultimate luxury, which is choice. But NOT because I have rich parents.

My kids don't decide whether I am AH or not. I don't think it is the place of children to make that sort of decision. And even though I work (ft in the past, pt now) they have always eaten home cooked meals. And they are generous. AND they even hold doors open for ladies and people who are older than they are. Even with a fairly wealthy upbringing they do these things. You do not have to be poor to teach your children good manners. Nor do you have to be poor to have a dh who is loving and compassionate.

Get off your high horse. Being poor is NOT a virtue. It is something you are choosing to do right now becuase you think that in the long run it will benefit your children. And for that you should be commended. But there is no virtue in the poverty itself.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2003
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 1:01pm
no i dont have compassion with people obssessed with the nicer things in life. i'll give you a good example. i know a girl who has plenty of money and i thought she was very generous cause she gave to good will. i asked one day why not the salvation army or friend who could use the clothes well she responded with good will gives a tax right off. i have outgrown some of my clothes and i gave them to a friend who needed them not for a tax right off.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 1:06pm
I've read and re-read your post. I do not get what point it is you are trying to make. If you're saying people are too materialistic, I guess I agree, but what does that have to do with Stay at Home or Work? If you're saying it's better somehow to stay at home with your children, you'll have to support that somehow, since it's a debate board.
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 1:23pm

<> Reality? You know nothing about my reality, yet you made a generalized statement that included me. I'm a WOHM.

<> So what would be your point? Just because someone's poor makes them more worthy or better?

<> As do mine.

<> That's your SIL, not everyone who has money. I inherited money as well. It got us through a tough time. Don't imply that all people with money walk around like royalty which is what you were implying.

<> Neither do I, and yes I've heard of gluttony. And greed. And there are lots of people like that. I like to think most people aren't that way.

<> I agree that there are hypocrits going to church which is one of the reasons I don't go to church. But you're being a hypocrit yourself by judging others. If you're a decent human being and/or Christian, you shouldn't be judging others.

<> You're judging again.

<> Um, yes, I know that. My parents both WOH. My dad was a grocery store clerk, my mom a school teacher. What's your point?

<> Well, I don't like my nails painted no matter what. I like them short and unpainted.

<> What a ray of sunshine you are. I prefer to believe that most people are good. Maybe since I went through seeing my town flooded and all the GOOD that came out of people, I have a more positive attitude than you.

<> Yes, I know that.

<> Speak for yourself. I'm more than satisfied. Most of the people I know are very happy with their lives.

<> Good, I'm happy for you.

<> So do I.

<> If you're not worried about keeping up with the Joneses why do you care if others are? Sounds like you're judging them.

<> How do you know what's in the mind of others and their reasons for buying something? DH bought himself a new BMW a couple years ago. He doesn't care about keeping up with anyone. He hadn't had a new car in 16 years. His business was finally doing well and he has a long commute. He got a car that was good on gas mileage, comfortable to drive, all wheel drive and would last a very long time. It so happens to be a BMW. Big, freaking deal.

<> Sounds just like me.

<> Sounds a lot like my DH.

<> Hit close to home? Nah, you missed by a country mile. I just get tired of the old "WOHMs work for luxuries" crap, which was pretty much what your post sounded like to me.

<> Well, isn't she the lucky one.

<> Neither would I trade my life. I'm happy being me and I love my not-so-broke-anymore husgand because he is rich in kindness and compassion. We're the people that hold dorrs open for others and our kids have wonderful manners.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 1:24pm
Sorry, but you're not making sense. I have a severely ADHD child, too. She wouldn't get much out of sitting around at home with me. She needs the structure and discipline of solid educational and recreational programs to realize her potential. She needs to interact with other children and a range of adults to learn how to behave properly and do her best. She needs organized sports and community involvement. Maybe your son does, too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 1:24pm
Getting a tax writeoff doesn't cancel out the generosity of her actions.

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