how did you feel before having kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2006
how did you feel before having kids?
22
Sat, 04-07-2012 - 1:18pm

I'm sure this has been discussed in some variety before, I haven't posted in awhile so forgive me if I'm repeating something already discussed!

How did you feel about the whole SAH/WOH issue before you actually had children?

The reason I ask - (I'm a sahm, btw, if that matters!) is the militant view of my IRL, child-free by choice friends. (We're all hovering near 40, it's unlikely they'll change their minds about having kids at this point!)

Anyway - friend (A) is very, very adamant in her view that all mother's should stay home regardless of their situation. Basically, her opinion is that once a woman becomes a mother she should drop out of the work force for good. She thinks that daycare is horrible and can't imagine why anyone would use it. (Actual quote - "it's like buying a new car and letting someone else drive it...why would anyone do that?") Lol.

Friend (B) is the exact opposite. She maintains that she cannot stand women who are independent, intelligent people and then suddenly become "just" a mother. She cannot imagine how anyone in their right mind could "just" stay home, to her, even if she'd chosen to have kids, she wouldn't dream of giving up her career.

I realize these are pretty extreme examples, and I can't help but wonder if either of them would change their position if they actually HAD a kid - did anyone here have a similar opinion at one time?

Angie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2010
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 5:21pm

Before I had my son (he's 9 weeks old), I felt that I would never be able to be a stay at home mom, I wanted to still have a job and a life outside of my children. Now, I still feel that I have so much to offer and feel that there are so many parts of me, not just "mother", but I would love to be able to be a SAHM. Unfortunately, my husband and I depend on both of our paychecks and it's just not possible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 8:22pm
You think that a well-vetted day care provider is always a stranger? Family is is always better than a trained child minder? Good luck with that.

I've raised 3 children from preteen to almost to adulthood. We've used all types of care, from sah, au pair, family, and group day care.

The most important lesson is that you are responsive to their needs.

One child thrived in group care setting shared with part time grandmother care. GM flouted our requests about sugary snacks and too much TV. Barney and chocolate didn't warp her forever, but we preferred controlled snacks, no TV and lots of out door play time that our day care provided. I'm sure they didn't love her more than GM. but they certainly were more in tune with "our beliefs".

Raising children is sometimes very easy and often very complicated. There is no easy truisms.
Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Tue, 04-10-2012 - 9:55am

Bwa! Exactly!

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 7:53am

All I really wanted before kids was to be a mother, And while DH and I did discusss what work status we wanted after children before having them I could have never predicted the number of kids we would have or the place we are at now.. I have heard these things in your post too, My sister is single and she has no kids, She is opinionated and I admit that I listen to what she has to say but she is a teacher and she sees a lot of things in schools... But in general, I take advice from others - who do not have children, who are not married, who are not in my shoes - with a grain of salt. Sometimes the loudest opinions come from those most removed, Lol!

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2010
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 11:29am

I didn't feel strongly either way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2010
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 11:31am

Exactly!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2010
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 11:39am

I also took my sons to work with me when they were young.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2010
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 11:42am

That's what we found out as well, hired daycare/preschools and even traditional school followed our preferences much more than family and friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 1:42pm
emptynester2009 wrote:

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 1:46pm

That's great that bringing your baby to work is working for you.

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief