how did you feel before having kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2006
how did you feel before having kids?
22
Sat, 04-07-2012 - 1:18pm

I'm sure this has been discussed in some variety before, I haven't posted in awhile so forgive me if I'm repeating something already discussed!

How did you feel about the whole SAH/WOH issue before you actually had children?

The reason I ask - (I'm a sahm, btw, if that matters!) is the militant view of my IRL, child-free by choice friends. (We're all hovering near 40, it's unlikely they'll change their minds about having kids at this point!)

Anyway - friend (A) is very, very adamant in her view that all mother's should stay home regardless of their situation. Basically, her opinion is that once a woman becomes a mother she should drop out of the work force for good. She thinks that daycare is horrible and can't imagine why anyone would use it. (Actual quote - "it's like buying a new car and letting someone else drive it...why would anyone do that?") Lol.

Friend (B) is the exact opposite. She maintains that she cannot stand women who are independent, intelligent people and then suddenly become "just" a mother. She cannot imagine how anyone in their right mind could "just" stay home, to her, even if she'd chosen to have kids, she wouldn't dream of giving up her career.

I realize these are pretty extreme examples, and I can't help but wonder if either of them would change their position if they actually HAD a kid - did anyone here have a similar opinion at one time?

Angie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 8:22pm
You think that a well-vetted day care provider is always a stranger? Family is is always better than a trained child minder? Good luck with that.

I've raised 3 children from preteen to almost to adulthood. We've used all types of care, from sah, au pair, family, and group day care.

The most important lesson is that you are responsive to their needs.

One child thrived in group care setting shared with part time grandmother care. GM flouted our requests about sugary snacks and too much TV. Barney and chocolate didn't warp her forever, but we preferred controlled snacks, no TV and lots of out door play time that our day care provided. I'm sure they didn't love her more than GM. but they certainly were more in tune with "our beliefs".

Raising children is sometimes very easy and often very complicated. There is no easy truisms.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2010
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 5:21pm

Before I had my son (he's 9 weeks old), I felt that I would never be able to be a stay at home mom, I wanted to still have a job and a life outside of my children. Now, I still feel that I have so much to offer and feel that there are so many parts of me, not just "mother", but I would love to be able to be a SAHM. Unfortunately, my husband and I depend on both of our paychecks and it's just not possible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2011
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 4:45pm

Before having kids, I refused to even consider becoming a SAHM, but I did, and then later graduated to WAHM.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2011
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 4:40pm

LOL!

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 4:11pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 3:14pm

As someone who has raised both theoretical and actual children, I can say unequivocally that raising theoretical children is much easier, with far more predictable outcomes.

Before kids, I

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 2:30pm
rollmops2009 wrote:

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Sun, 04-08-2012 - 8:45am
I was pretty sure I would keep working. I was honestly surprised about how hard it was for me to leave my babies and toddlers in someone else's care. I found myself looking for ways to reduce my hours, work at home occasionally, travel with a nanny and baby, etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Sat, 04-07-2012 - 9:51pm

When we got engaged, I said that I didn't want any children, at least not right away.

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

Avatar for mom34101
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 04-07-2012 - 7:40pm
In my 20s, I would have said I would never be a sahm. By the time I had my first kid at age 37, I felt differently and ended up sah for 6 years.