how did you feel before having kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2006
how did you feel before having kids?
22
Sat, 04-07-2012 - 1:18pm

I'm sure this has been discussed in some variety before, I haven't posted in awhile so forgive me if I'm repeating something already discussed!

How did you feel about the whole SAH/WOH issue before you actually had children?

The reason I ask - (I'm a sahm, btw, if that matters!) is the militant view of my IRL, child-free by choice friends. (We're all hovering near 40, it's unlikely they'll change their minds about having kids at this point!)

Anyway - friend (A) is very, very adamant in her view that all mother's should stay home regardless of their situation. Basically, her opinion is that once a woman becomes a mother she should drop out of the work force for good. She thinks that daycare is horrible and can't imagine why anyone would use it. (Actual quote - "it's like buying a new car and letting someone else drive it...why would anyone do that?") Lol.

Friend (B) is the exact opposite. She maintains that she cannot stand women who are independent, intelligent people and then suddenly become "just" a mother. She cannot imagine how anyone in their right mind could "just" stay home, to her, even if she'd chosen to have kids, she wouldn't dream of giving up her career.

I realize these are pretty extreme examples, and I can't help but wonder if either of them would change their position if they actually HAD a kid - did anyone here have a similar opinion at one time?

Angie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Sat, 04-07-2012 - 2:05pm

Avatar for rollmops2009
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Registered: 02-24-2009
Sat, 04-07-2012 - 2:10pm

I am pretty sure I had all kinds of incredibly stupid and rigid opinions about child-rearing back when it was all theoretical. I even managed to continue on for the first few years of dd's life.

After that reality knocked some sense into me, and now I confess that I barely recall, thankfully, all the idiotic convictions I once held.

At this point my basic view is that if everyone survives in reasonably good shape and is reasonably happy for the duration, then it is all good.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 04-07-2012 - 7:40pm
In my 20s, I would have said I would never be a sahm. By the time I had my first kid at age 37, I felt differently and ended up sah for 6 years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Sat, 04-07-2012 - 9:51pm

When we got engaged, I said that I didn't want any children, at least not right away.

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Sun, 04-08-2012 - 8:45am
I was pretty sure I would keep working. I was honestly surprised about how hard it was for me to leave my babies and toddlers in someone else's care. I found myself looking for ways to reduce my hours, work at home occasionally, travel with a nanny and baby, etc.
Avatar for Cmmelissa
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Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 2:30pm
rollmops2009 wrote:

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 3:14pm

As someone who has raised both theoretical and actual children, I can say unequivocally that raising theoretical children is much easier, with far more predictable outcomes.

Before kids, I

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 4:11pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2011
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 4:40pm

LOL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2011
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 4:45pm

Before having kids, I refused to even consider becoming a SAHM, but I did, and then later graduated to WAHM.

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