how did you feel before having kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2006
how did you feel before having kids?
22
Sat, 04-07-2012 - 1:18pm

I'm sure this has been discussed in some variety before, I haven't posted in awhile so forgive me if I'm repeating something already discussed!

How did you feel about the whole SAH/WOH issue before you actually had children?

The reason I ask - (I'm a sahm, btw, if that matters!) is the militant view of my IRL, child-free by choice friends. (We're all hovering near 40, it's unlikely they'll change their minds about having kids at this point!)

Anyway - friend (A) is very, very adamant in her view that all mother's should stay home regardless of their situation. Basically, her opinion is that once a woman becomes a mother she should drop out of the work force for good. She thinks that daycare is horrible and can't imagine why anyone would use it. (Actual quote - "it's like buying a new car and letting someone else drive it...why would anyone do that?") Lol.

Friend (B) is the exact opposite. She maintains that she cannot stand women who are independent, intelligent people and then suddenly become "just" a mother. She cannot imagine how anyone in their right mind could "just" stay home, to her, even if she'd chosen to have kids, she wouldn't dream of giving up her career.

I realize these are pretty extreme examples, and I can't help but wonder if either of them would change their position if they actually HAD a kid - did anyone here have a similar opinion at one time?

Angie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2006
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 4:43pm

Exactly! I agree completely.

I started out intending to be a sahm until my kids were in school full time, and then return to work. That was how things were "supposed" to happen, alas, life doesn't always turn out that way. My daughter was diagnosed with autism at three years old, my youngest was still a baby. Still, I kept thinking...if I could do all the right things, get her the right therapy, etc...maybe she'd be "normal" by kindergarten and I could still move forward with our plans.

Fast forward six

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-1999
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 8:05pm
When DH and I were dating (probably in college), I realized one day that I would most likely be marrying a musician and most likely would always have to work. I think before that point I'd thought I'd marry a business person or an engineer and have the choice of SAH, WOH, PT WOH, like my sisters had. I guess I was expecting a more traditional path. This was the early 90's. Most college graduating men with business degrees got great jobs and their wives could choose what they wanted to do. Realizing my husbands work life was going to be non-traditional caused me to have to look at things differently.

Since then we've had a variety of situations including DH being SAHD for awhile. I've always worked full-time except for a short time when I went back to school full-time.

I never felt strongly one way or the other about SAH, WOH, etc.

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