how did you feel before having kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2006
how did you feel before having kids?
22
Sat, 04-07-2012 - 1:18pm

I'm sure this has been discussed in some variety before, I haven't posted in awhile so forgive me if I'm repeating something already discussed!

How did you feel about the whole SAH/WOH issue before you actually had children?

The reason I ask - (I'm a sahm, btw, if that matters!) is the militant view of my IRL, child-free by choice friends. (We're all hovering near 40, it's unlikely they'll change their minds about having kids at this point!)

Anyway - friend (A) is very, very adamant in her view that all mother's should stay home regardless of their situation. Basically, her opinion is that once a woman becomes a mother she should drop out of the work force for good. She thinks that daycare is horrible and can't imagine why anyone would use it. (Actual quote - "it's like buying a new car and letting someone else drive it...why would anyone do that?") Lol.

Friend (B) is the exact opposite. She maintains that she cannot stand women who are independent, intelligent people and then suddenly become "just" a mother. She cannot imagine how anyone in their right mind could "just" stay home, to her, even if she'd chosen to have kids, she wouldn't dream of giving up her career.

I realize these are pretty extreme examples, and I can't help but wonder if either of them would change their position if they actually HAD a kid - did anyone here have a similar opinion at one time?

Angie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-1999
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 8:05pm
When DH and I were dating (probably in college), I realized one day that I would most likely be marrying a musician and most likely would always have to work. I think before that point I'd thought I'd marry a business person or an engineer and have the choice of SAH, WOH, PT WOH, like my sisters had. I guess I was expecting a more traditional path. This was the early 90's. Most college graduating men with business degrees got great jobs and their wives could choose what they wanted to do. Realizing my husbands work life was going to be non-traditional caused me to have to look at things differently.

Since then we've had a variety of situations including DH being SAHD for awhile. I've always worked full-time except for a short time when I went back to school full-time.

I never felt strongly one way or the other about SAH, WOH, etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2006
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 4:43pm

Exactly! I agree completely.

I started out intending to be a sahm until my kids were in school full time, and then return to work. That was how things were "supposed" to happen, alas, life doesn't always turn out that way. My daughter was diagnosed with autism at three years old, my youngest was still a baby. Still, I kept thinking...if I could do all the right things, get her the right therapy, etc...maybe she'd be "normal" by kindergarten and I could still move forward with our plans.

Fast forward six

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 1:46pm

That's great that bringing your baby to work is working for you.

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 1:42pm
emptynester2009 wrote:

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2010
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 11:42am

That's what we found out as well, hired daycare/preschools and even traditional school followed our preferences much more than family and friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2010
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 11:39am

I also took my sons to work with me when they were young.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2010
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 11:31am

Exactly!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2010
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 11:29am

I didn't feel strongly either way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 7:53am

All I really wanted before kids was to be a mother, And while DH and I did discusss what work status we wanted after children before having them I could have never predicted the number of kids we would have or the place we are at now.. I have heard these things in your post too, My sister is single and she has no kids, She is opinionated and I admit that I listen to what she has to say but she is a teacher and she sees a lot of things in schools... But in general, I take advice from others - who do not have children, who are not married, who are not in my shoes - with a grain of salt. Sometimes the loudest opinions come from those most removed, Lol!

 


 


Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Tue, 04-10-2012 - 9:55am

Bwa! Exactly!

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