how do i convince my husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2004
how do i convince my husband
1841
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 4:09pm
how do i convince my husband to let me at least job-share so i can take care of our 3 month old dd? he grew up with his mom working & all his friend's moms working. we can afford it if we cut back on some things, but he doesn't want to cut back & just doesn't understand someone wanting to be a stay at home mom...it doesn't help mycause that the grandmothers will babysit. i'm so unhappy about having to go back to work...he wants me to work full time 1 more year & just doesn't get it! i feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest every time i hink about it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sun, 08-07-2005 - 3:06pm

With a wink icon....I really wasn't suggesting much of anything, except humor.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sun, 08-07-2005 - 3:59pm

***Is this what you mean by snarky questions/responses? Since none of my post was snarky and totally on topic....you felt the need to do exactly what you are accusing me of.....why?***

Because it seems that is the way you prefer to converse. If you prefer to take the polite debate tactic, that's fine by me- in fact I tend to prefer it.

***Ancient history? I didn't pick up where you stated a specific time period in your post and the majority of this thread has been based on about 100-200 years ago and the changes brought on by the industrial revolution and the relatively new sahm where they are centered around the children.***

Actually I think there have been quite a few different discussions regarding various time periods none of which have been properly nailed down. If it was your understanding that I was referring to 100-200yrs ago I apologize, that was indeed *not* what I was referring to.

Also- I am not debating the issue of the idea of SAHM's being centered around the children as a new invention- in fact I completely agree that it *is*. My disagreement is with the idea that children before now were unsupervised and almost completely raised by others from birth (aside from matters of necessity where the mother had died etc.)

***One of the interesting things I found in a box of kitchen things, that was given to dh after she passed among some great cookbooks was a hand breast pump... I must have missed where you stated a specific age of the child.***

I've been primarily speaking of children before the age where they would be weaned. (Let's say under 3 for the sake of pinning down a specific), though we can certainly argue that 12 months has been the common weaning period for much of what we consider modern history in our culture... And yes- that *is* very interesting :) Am I to take that to mean that she pumped exclusively or...? (Just curious- no real relevence to the question as far as the rest of the discussion is concerned :)

***Again, most of the posts have centered around the new sahm and the difference that the Industrial Revolution has made on society. Can you then tell me/us what point in history (and age of children) you are talking about?***

I thought I had been fairly clear in previous posts that I was not referring to modern history. I was intending to be at any rate.

***Thanks for the links....I am working my way through them and finding them totally interesting. I think many also confirm that wet nurses, siblings and family members played a large role in raising the children.***

Wet nurses for the wealthy, yes. But how many would that encompass?

***Actually that is what we have been talking about.***

As the comment to which I was referring was that SAHM's today can't say that they 'work' at home because the amount of manual labor that they do is so much decreased from our forebears, I think it very much *is* what we have been talking about. While I am certainly not disagreeing that women's workloads have decreased dramatically, I *am* saying that *so has* the work load of everyone else.

***However, WHAT I have been talking about and trying to debate, is how that sahm of today is a new invention, created and formed over the last 50+ years. How you can't compare a sahm of today to a sahm of 100+ or 200 or even 1000 years ago because they are totally different.***

And on that point we are in agreement.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sun, 08-07-2005 - 4:36pm

If not guilt....then are you suggesting shame?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sun, 08-07-2005 - 4:49pm

<>


True and most of them are child-led although based on her listing of activities, I would say they are also adult encouraged and the majority of them I do consider them play and education to a certain extent.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Sun, 08-07-2005 - 4:54pm

You spend more time with your preschoolers than your sahm did when you and your siblings were the same ages???

I can see that sahms might choose to become less involved as children get older and have their own friends and after-school activities. But, not so much for the pre-K time period.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sun, 08-07-2005 - 5:07pm

You don't see the benefit in a debate to back up your opinion with resources that are credible to the majority of the parties in a debate and not simply obviously slanted sources that backs up one's own opinion?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sun, 08-07-2005 - 5:14pm

In your post this morning to me you listed links to ancient history, which differs from the time period that I believe we are discussing here....although I haven't read all of the links yet, but at least the first couple centered on ancient Greece and mostly in this thread we have been talking in the last

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Sun, 08-07-2005 - 5:15pm

<> I don't understand how anyone could begin to calculate how much time a child is specifically influenced by his parent. Are you saying that, I sah, but if I mult-task better, then I could influence my children's morals and manners in less time?

I think, using pure math only, that sahps spend more time with infants and the entire pre-K set than do wohps. But it sounds like you think that's just my ego talking and that the reality is - and the math is - that someone like my husband - a wohp - can spend as much time with my children as I do?

<> It depends what age. Did you read "Freakonomics?" It's interesting and says that at certain ages, peers have more influence on children than do their parents. It also says a child's name can even be a huge influence. I just think there's no way to quantify any of your arguments here. For instance, at what specific point is a child "saturated" and no more parental involvement will have any influence on a particular moral value?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sun, 08-07-2005 - 5:27pm

Yes look at my post....it's a lol post at someone

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Sun, 08-07-2005 - 5:36pm
We have records of wet-nursing contracts from classical Greece, Rome before Augustus, and Hellenistic Egypt. It is difficult to tell from most of them whether we are talking necessity or convenience though. We have a number of treatises from the early Christian fathers -- around the 3rd century AD/CE excoriating women who won't nurse their own babies out of "vanity." We know of other cases where babies, especially girl babies, were put out to wet nurses in order that the mother be able to conceive again ASAP, perhaps hoping for a boy (an improvement over the time when girl babies were more routinely "exposed" than boy babies). We have records of nurses in the Middle Ages who stayed with their aristocratic charges throughout childhood -- in some royal cases, each child would have a wet nurse of his/her own. There are even debates in scholarly circles of the Middle Ages over whether "milk siblings" -- children who have shared the same wetnurse -- are eligible for marriage to each other. In renaissance Italy, wet nursing was extremely common, so much so that upper class or urban women who nursed their own children were the object of amused comment. Same, to a lesser extent, in the northern cities, particularly in Flanders.

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