how do i convince my husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2004
how do i convince my husband
1841
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 4:09pm
how do i convince my husband to let me at least job-share so i can take care of our 3 month old dd? he grew up with his mom working & all his friend's moms working. we can afford it if we cut back on some things, but he doesn't want to cut back & just doesn't understand someone wanting to be a stay at home mom...it doesn't help mycause that the grandmothers will babysit. i'm so unhappy about having to go back to work...he wants me to work full time 1 more year & just doesn't get it! i feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest every time i hink about it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 3:58pm

Better than healthy finances? Depends on what you consider healthy. But what I was referring to was the idea that mothers who work away from their nursing child can pump. As I said- while that may be the case for most women, some simply do not respond to the pump (either at all or anywhere near adequately to supply their child's needs.) As for skin to skin contact, there is- IMO- a difference between the contact of a child and its mother and a child and another caregiver.

http://www.fda.gov/fdac/features/895_brstfeed.html
"Nursing may have psychological benefits for the infant as well, creating an early attachment between mother and child. ...Studies have found that infants as young as 1 week prefer the smell of their own mother's milk... Many psychologists believe the nursing baby enjoys a sense of security from the warmth and presence of the mother, especially when there's skin-to-skin contact during feeding..."

Of course, if one doesn't see a difference between the bonding of mother and child and the bonding of a child to any caregiver, then that's their opinion- I just happen to view the attachment between a mother and child to have significant benefit- moreso than between a child and a caregiver.

Nursing at the breast also imparts other benefits- (from above link) "Sucking at the breast promotes good jaw development as well. It's harder work to get milk out of a breast than a bottle, and the exercise strengthens the jaws and encourages the growth of straight, healthy teeth. The baby at the breast also can control the flow of milk by sucking and stopping. With a bottle, the baby must constantly suck or react to the pressure of the nipple placed in the mouth."

Don't get me wrong- I am NOT suggesting that anyone go bankrupt in favor of breastfeeding- I AM suggesting that breastfeeding has benefits that some consider more important than simple financial gain when it's not an issue of severe financial hardship.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 4:12pm

but even if a wohp can't (and i did with my youngest exclusively while woh for 18 months) breastfeed during the workday, a wohp can continue to breastfeed during the other 2/3 of the day. personally, i know more wohps who breastfed for a year or more than sahps; and i know far more sahps who never breastfed at all than wohps.

ime, most women have the intelligence and spirit to problem solve, particularly when it comes to their children; i've not seen the hopeless helpless souls that you and others depict when you tell us (many of whom breastfed as wohms, or whom didn't as sahps) that because breastfeeding is more complicated for working mothers it is unlikely to happen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 4:20pm

"And frankly, for alot of women, after factoring in the costs of working, it's almost makes more financial sense to SAH. "


This is one of my top ten least favorite assumptions about women who are moms and WOHM.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 4:40pm
Just make her get up earlier.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 4:42pm

"when you were crowing about how my kids had had 12 caregivers you included pre-k, kindy and school teachers."

Actually, *you* included them. I just went along with *your* grouping. I don't really know why you consider caregivers/teachers to be one in the same. I certainly don't.

"why do you include them for my kids and not for yours."

Again, *you* included them. I simply went along with *your* grouping. Furthermore, my dd hasn't had any substitute caregivers (only parental and extended family care) so it would be impossible for me to include this type of care in my figure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 4:42pm

So how old do you expect your child to be when she is finally confronted with sex, drugs and rock and roll, fights, etc?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 4:46pm

"Certainly you're not suggesting that SAHM's today aren't *also* working in the home?"

Surely not :)

"We may be blessed to live in an age where technology and industrial advance make our domestic tasks far less involved than generations past, so that we are able to focus more on family and less on dusting, but there is still quite a bit of work to be done"

Indeed there is still quite a bit of work to be done!

"so in that, all SAHM's are also WAHM's going by that definition. We're certainly not sitting around on our laurels eating bon-bons or something ;)"

Exactly!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 5:03pm

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I don't really know why you don't consider caregivers/teachers to be one AND the same. I certainly do.

Elaine: "Is it a problem

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 5:12pm

Give me a minute. I've got to figure out a way to spin the climbing the neighbor's tree into a lesson about how J. Sterling Morton from Detroit encouraged fellow pioneers to plant trees in the Nebraska Territory in 1854, creating Arbor Day in the process.

Nah, sometimes climbing a tree is just climbing a tree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 5:17pm

"I think you need to re-read your own post. The author spoke of the present as a point in history, claiming there was something unique about the present as compared to history."

You are correct. Indeed the author *is* claiming that there's "something unique about the *present* as compared to *history*."

Again, the underlying point here is this, "Child care advocates sometimes argue that the infants are being properly returned to group care with multiple carers, as in a tribe. But they ignore the fact that, uniquely in the history of our species, it is a group in a enclosed institution which does not include mother, relatives or anyone with a continuing bond or any enduring emotional commitment to that child."

"If indeed, as you say, the author is referring to history on a much grander scale, then it simply underscores the falseness of the claim that othercare is unique to the present time."

How so? Are you suggesting that "group care with multiple carers, as in a tribe," is the same thing as, "a group in a enclosed institution which does not include mother, relatives or anyone with a continuing bond or any enduring emotional commitment to that child?"

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