how do i convince my husband
Find a Conversation
how do i convince my husband
| Mon, 07-18-2005 - 4:09pm |
how do i convince my husband to let me at least job-share so i can take care of our 3 month old dd? he grew up with his mom working & all his friend's moms working. we can afford it if we cut back on some things, but he doesn't want to cut back & just doesn't understand someone wanting to be a stay at home mom...it doesn't help mycause that the grandmothers will babysit. i'm so unhappy about having to go back to work...he wants me to work full time 1 more year & just doesn't get it! i feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest every time i hink about it.

Pages
***You see planting a vineyard, selling her linens and trading goods much the same as selling online(done in the home) or through a local shop?***
I think I've made that as clear as is possible- yes.
***I just don't see that. The vineyard was out of her home***
If I owned a coffee shop but didn't actually *work* there day to day, I wouldn't consider myself working outside the home...
***she left her home to sell her linens, she left her home to trade goods. One would think she would have to actively market her goods in order to sell them then or now....which would consist of more than showing up at a shop to deliver the goods.***
More likely would be that she found a market and merely kept them in stock. I wouldn't think she'd be doing that more often than she had to, since the actual *making* of the garments would take up significant time.
***But she is working outside the home....so how does that not qualify her as working outside the home?***
Do I work outside the home if I drop off some crafts to a shop for them to sell? If you think so then sure- she's clearly an example of a WOHM. If not, as I personally see it, she's a WAHM. *shrugs* Differences in perspective, definition and interpretations I guess.
***Just because she leaves the house to sell and trade her goods, plant her vineyard she is not a wohm?***
I'm saying that she more likely (*especially* as a noblewoman or of the wealthy class as is indicated in the passage) had servants to do the planting/harvesting of the vineyard. She likely looked in and oversaw things now and then, but I doubt, given her position, that she would have been very "hands-on" or have been considered to be working there. As for trading her goods- I think it more likely that she found her market- a local shopkeeper who she did regular business with, and kept them in stock. To me that's more WAH than WOH since she's not actively working the vineyard and she's doing the manufacturing of her product in the home.
***I am a United Methodist, I don't recall if it is part of their standard doctrine or not but each time that I have been in a class that has studied the proverb it has been discussed that the position was one of a mediator, with high honor and was an unpaid position.***
Maybe that's the difference... Every time I've studied the subject it's been as an AOG (Assemblies of God) or general discussion... I'll have to bring it up with my dad and his friends. (He's the Biblical scholar- not me ;) I'll see if I can dig up some more history behind it. Might be awhile- he's at Sturgis right now LOL ;)
***there is actually a monster thread on the other board that involves quite a bit of religion if you are interested.***
Yeah I am actually- not to post (I have enough time eaten up getting through *this* monster LOL!) but just to read... Do you have the thread name handy?
***Right....I belive if you work outside the home you are a wohm and if you work inside the home you are a wahm....yours is a bit more unique and has many other factors involved.***
How many who would call themselves WAHM's never leave their homes on any aspect of their business dealings?
***Verse 16 in my NIV "She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard."***
That still does not, IMO, read that she is the one doing the manual labor. It says 'out of her earnings she plants a vineyard' NOT 'from the labor of her hands she plants a vineyard'. I maintain that a noblewoman of the times would have had servants to handle such details.
***It's also then not reasonable to guess that she likely had her servants provide child care while she was selling and trading in the marketplace? Or have the servants provide childcare while she worked in the home?***
Could be. Could also be that she took her children along with her to the market to teach them in the art of business as it would have likely been part of their education. She'd probably have the servants come with her (I don't believe it was common in the culture and time for women to go much of anywhere unchaperoned- particularly those women of the higher classes)- so I suppose it'd be similar to having along a 'mothers helper/s'.
***Well, that's what the verse is, but I would more than likely agree with you that she had servants plant the vineyards while she was the manager of those servants...either way she was a wohm.***
If that's how you view it- then yes. It's a bit less clear in my view and interpretation. Not saying you're wrong- just saying we have slightly different views. And does it really matter whether she was a WOHM or a WAHM?
***Either way....it's work outside of the home. Unless you are saying that owning/overseeing a business is not work?***
I'm saying that owning/overseeing a business could very well have been viewed as something not undertaken in the field.
***Well....the work of selling and I think it's work to sell one's goods is taking place out of the home, is it not?***
If you consider dropping off a load to the local merchants working outside the home rathe than doing the work in the home and making a trip now and then- I suppose...
***See I am using what the actual initials stand for. Work outside the home (WOHM). Work at home (WAHM) and Stay at home mom (SAHM). Which I also believe to be the general definitions used on this debate board.***
Again- Going by that, I'd say that most WAHM's who term themselves thusly would fall into your definition of WOHM. Or do you disagree?
***So what happens when a sahm sends her children to school then the care is shifted to other care? What do they become?***
They don't 'become' anything- she's not part of the paid workforce either inside or outside of the home- she's a SAHM.
***Or what about a WAHM or WOHM who doesn't use othercare at all but still works inside the home or outside the home? What then?***
She's a lucky WOHM or what I've most commonly seen as far as WAHM's go... (Any WAHM that I've ever run across other than those on this board have chosen to WAH in order to be home with their children and avoid utilizing othercare as a primary means for their childrens supervision.)
Wytchy
It does take all day- I'm not saying that there is a baby attached to the breast constantly, (though MANY many women say that it certainly seems like it) but in the early stages unless one is very lucky, in many cases you're looking at nursing a couple times an hour for maybe 10-15min each almost around the clock. I'd say that most certainly qualifies as "taking all day". If you want to argue just to argue- hey- do what you enjoy I guess ;)
Wytchy
I don't know about the signature. It is nothing exciting just a quote from Alex: "Momm, throw away my brother. I don't like him and I don't want him." It reminded of the Daniel and The Lion's Den Veggie Tale when they think of all these awful things to do to poor Daniel.
I can not believe you did not find groundhogs sexy and wanted to go on a cruise. Purely selfish of you!
And the remark sounds like my thoughts about the subject.
&nbs
***but even if a wohp can't (and i did with my youngest exclusively while woh for 18 months) breastfeed during the workday, a wohp can continue to breastfeed during the other 2/3 of the day.***
Absolutely- (and it would be wohM btw, not wohP in this case- biological differences and all :) if the baby will go back to the breast after being on the bottle (not all do unfortunately). Granted, the majority probably don't have a big issue with it, but I know quite a few women who have had issues with either the baby not wanting to go back to the breast once on the bottle or refusing the bottle alltogether.
***personally, i know more wohps who breastfed for a year or more than sahps; and i know far more sahps who never breastfed at all than wohps.***
See, that's very interesting to me- I don't know of any wohM's who have breastfed for a year or more- VERY few who have breastfed past the end of their maternity leave, even, and quite a few who never even tried it because they knew they were going back to work... Likewise, *most* of the sahM's I know have breastfed, not many for a year or more, but FAR more than the wohM's of my acquaintence.
***ime, most women have the intelligence and spirit to problem solve, particularly when it comes to their children;***
I agree- and for most women in our culture those problem solving skills often come around to the use of formula.
***i've not seen the hopeless helpless souls that you and others depict when you tell us (many of whom breastfed as wohms, or whom didn't as sahps) that because breastfeeding is more complicated for working mothers it is unlikely to happen.***
Not sure where you're getting that- I never said breastfeeding was unlikely to happen because it's more difficult for the wohm- I only said that a mother can't possibly breastfeed her child *at the breast* if she is unable to be with her child at her place of employment. (I also said that not all women respond adequately or at all to the pump...) *puzzled* Not sure where you're getting "because breastfeeding is more complicated for working mothers it is unlikely to happen" from that...
Wytchy
Are you for real?
I'm not really trying to mock homeschooling. Not in the least. I am a true admirer of those who take on homeschooling for what I consider the "right" reasons. I have been very close to homeschooling myself several times so I don't hold homeschooling in disdain. To be honest, it will be a miracle if I get through all four of my children's educations without resorting to some homeschooling so I've already embraced my inner homeschoolin' self.
What I gather from your posting history (I could be wrong because I tend not to get involved in your threads) is that your child actually attends school and you do deliberate supplemental and enrichment educational activities with her at home (both during the school year and during the summer) and you call those educational activities "homeschooling." If I have the facts correct, I disagree with both the labeling of your home educational program "homeschooling" and the stringent emphasis you place on regimented academic instruction for your child. I am not a fan of parents who prematurely push children into academic instruction, promote the memorization of isolated facts, drill academics in general. I am a fan of parents who believe play is the best way to learn. Parents who welcome curiosity and exploration, child-led. People who believe in the value of living a full life over filling out second grade worksheets. I am interested in fostering creativity and enthusiasm for learning for the long term and the kinds of activities you have been mentioning here seem very unlikely to contribute to those ends. You epitomize a certain cult of achievement which I believe leads pretty directly to a loss of childhood. The lessons you are teaching your child seem to provide undue pressure on her to succeed (completely unnecessarily) and force her to be a linearly thinking "student" above all else. What about just being a kid? What about screwing around during a summer day and catching frogs (without having to label their body parts or conduct an electric/nerve impulse experiment,) climbing trees, walking the dog, laughing and singing and making a fort under the kitchen table? Where are those activities in your "curriculum?"
I dunno, to me life is an adventure not a classroom and standardized test. I want my children to learn from life experiences and play and interactions with people we spend time with. They don't have to crank out a three paragraph essay on Why I Think Nicaragua is Way Cooler Than Romania for me to know that the wheels are spinning up there in that cranial area of my four children.
Call me a slacker or way too laid back (you wouldn't be the first) but I'm just fed up with competitive parenting, the race to create smarter children, forcing our children to live up to our ever increasing high expectations, and the whole "accelerated learning" industry.
Did I say that was the case for *you*? No. For *all* women? No again. How about even for *most* women? No- what I said was 'for *alot* of women'. And like it or not- that *is* their reality.
Wytchy
Maybe you're unfamiliar with how busses often work- they often take as much as 6 times as long to get from Point A to Destination than a straight mostly non-stop run by a parent/other driver. If child has to catch bus at X:00 to get to school by Y:00, the time save comes in by way of child *and* parent being able to sleep in if parent chooses to take child to school. That is unless parent leaves child totally on their own in the morning and doesn't bother getting up *anyway*. Either way there is a gross waste of time by using the bus if one is part of a longer route. (If one lives nearby it's one thing, but it used to take me -2hrs- on the bus to make what otherwise would be a 15min drive. Thankfully as soon as I got my license at 16 my parents allowed me to make the trip on my own ;)
Wytchy
And Amen to that...
See me standing and applauding? It is my standing ovation for an outstanding post.
&nbs
Pages