how do i convince my husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2004
how do i convince my husband
1841
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 4:09pm
how do i convince my husband to let me at least job-share so i can take care of our 3 month old dd? he grew up with his mom working & all his friend's moms working. we can afford it if we cut back on some things, but he doesn't want to cut back & just doesn't understand someone wanting to be a stay at home mom...it doesn't help mycause that the grandmothers will babysit. i'm so unhappy about having to go back to work...he wants me to work full time 1 more year & just doesn't get it! i feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest every time i hink about it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 12:54pm
Ordinarily, people are *expected* to avoid prison; who knew that doing so was so selfish?

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
flat in others,
and really annoying when it's stuck in your head."

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 1:10pm

Huh? I don't know any WOHM's who homeschool. Makes it kinda hard to homeschool when one is at work all day... *Confused*

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 1:11pm

*sigh* Well- at least I've got "one of each"- I can't imagine what it would be like to have *both* be so anti-sleep LOL! ;)

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 1:16pm
If you go back about a week in the archives, you'll find a whole thread all about a WOHM and homeschooling. It was started by a poster who knows a girl who is being homeschooled by a WOHM. Some (including me) brought up that it's hard to do that when you're at work all day. Others countered that you can give assignments to be completed by the kid while you are at work and then you go over that and new stuff evenings/weekends.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 1:17pm

True. Neither the modern SAHM nor the modern WOHM were in existance "back in the day" so it's rather hard to compare... For my part I'm basically and for the sake of simplicity just saying that it's traditional that mothers acted as the primary caregivers for their young children.

...I think for the sake of the argument that one really needs to define 'work'... If we're talking of a paid vocation or whether we're talking work as in 'things that need to be done'....

Wytchy

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 2:02pm
Really!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 2:37pm

***The *method* is of no import, one way or another, unto itself. Its convenience is determined by the lifestyle into which it must fit. Compared to bottle feeding, it would in very few situations and times, have been more convenient to breast feed than bottle feed.***

If we're talking about pumping/storing and bottle feeding anyway then I'd agree. However, given the necessary cleaning, filling, storing, toting etc. of using bottles versus lifting a shirt, I'd have to say it's definately more convenient to breastfeed. What I would say is *inconvenient* is it being necessary for a nursing mother to work away from her offspring making nursing into something more difficult. Nursing is a biological norm- a mother working away from her nursing child is *not*.

***There is nothing convenient about a healthy adult capable of doing the work necessary to keep a family alive, being required to function as a baby bottle on the side.***

I'd say it's the other way around.... There is nothing convenient about a healthy adult capable of breastfeeding being required to function as required breadwinner on the side. But hey- tom-ay-to/tom-ah-to I guess...

***Feeding babies does not impvrove ones manual labour output.***

How... capitalist...

***And decreased production does not improve the situation for a family.***

IMO it shouldn't be necessary for a nursing mother to work to allow her family to survive and thrive. That it is isn't a "good thing" in our society IMO. (Note: I make a distinction here between *having* to work and *wanting* to work for either personal fulfillment or the grandiose idea that "more is better"...)

***Breast feeding is merely good enough to keep enough babies fed and able to reach reproduction age to keep the species from dying out. Thats all.***

Actually that's not all. Given our capitalist society, let's talk about the bottom line for a moment- breastfeeding reduces both childs and *mothers* risk of various illnesses/disease etc. and in so doing saves money for pretty much everyone involved.

***You'd be wrong on all counts.***

Please provide your sources.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 2:47pm
I know several homeschooling families where both parents work outside the home. Not everyone works a traditional schedule. Here at the university, there are several faculty members who homeschool -- we are off most of May, all of June and July, and most of August, plus five weeks in December/January. Plus we usually have flexible enough hours that we can devote three days a week to homeschooling activities, and we also work in co-ops....I homeschool a group of middle school kids in Latin in return for having my son get French lessons from a homeschooling Mom....my kid actually goes to public school but also takes a class or two every year from the home-school co-op.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 2:57pm

...I got up at 5:30 to catch a 6:30am bus before they added a bus to the other end of the route. I guess if you're only talking of city/suburb kids it'd be one thing, but..... I know *I* could've really used an extra half hour of sleep most days... Especially with all the homework I had with the advanced classes as well as vocational school work etc. I don't remember many nights where I wasn't up well past midnight. *shrugs*

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 4:50pm

"I used "let her" because I assume at age 8 or 9, she goes to bed when you put her to bed."

Why do you use the phrase "put her to bed"? I've never "put her to bed". She enjoys sleeping. She's always been a good sleeper. We've never had sleep troubles/issues of any kind. She's always followed her own sleep schedule. I never "put her down for a nap" either. Her body knows when it's tired. We've simply never had the need to schedule her naps or bedtime. But that's us. I guess we're just lucky.

BTW, I think many parents unintentionally cause a lot of sleep troubles/issues as a result of turning naptime/bedtime into a struggle instead of a treating sleep as an enjoyable experience. For instance, although it is the norm in Western culture for infants and young children to sleep in cribs on their own, away from parents, this is not the norm throughout the world. Imagine how unsettling it is to children (especially infants/young children) to be separated from their parents and placed in a dark room, to sleep in a cage(crib) that they can't get out of. I know the idea may seem silly from an adult standpoint, but from a young child's standpoint, it could indeed be quite a terrifying experience. Also, I've always found it strange that parents insist that sleeping alone teaches children to be "independent". Yet, oddly enough parents don't sleep alone. Technically speaking they actually "co-sleep" with their spouses. Furthermore, they are *adults*. When you really think about it, it's a rather contradictory expectation/practice.

Not only that, I think many parents inappropriately think of their children's naptime and bedtime as being more about *them*, than about the *children*. For instance, I know several parents who still require children (as old as 10 in one case) to take a nap during the day (on weekends/during the summer), eventhough they have clearly outgrown the need for such a thing. These parents even admit that "the nap" is absolutely about *them* getting a break from their children. The same scenrio is true of bedtimes that are more about the *parents*, than the children. For example, the 10 year old in the above example has a bedtime of 8pm as does his 5 year old sister. Again, these parents actually admit that "bedtime" is absolutely about *them* getting a break from their children.

"If my children don't go to bed before I do, I get no time for conversation or physical intimacy with my husband."

What? You can't talk to your dh when your children are around? Also, not to be crude here LOL, but do you and your dh require physical intimacy on a nightly basis?

"I go to bed not long after 10 pm (I realize you and your DH might very well be nightowls), so that struck me as late in order to have any time together without your dd around."

We hardly need to be alone, without our dd, in order to spend time together. Also, if you'll remember dh WAH so we have plenty of time together during the day perhaps even too much at times LOL :)

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