how do i convince my husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2004
how do i convince my husband
1841
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 4:09pm
how do i convince my husband to let me at least job-share so i can take care of our 3 month old dd? he grew up with his mom working & all his friend's moms working. we can afford it if we cut back on some things, but he doesn't want to cut back & just doesn't understand someone wanting to be a stay at home mom...it doesn't help mycause that the grandmothers will babysit. i'm so unhappy about having to go back to work...he wants me to work full time 1 more year & just doesn't get it! i feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest every time i hink about it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 4:56pm

"So it is your contention that despite women of the past doing housework/farmwork for 10+ hours a day, their "real" work and focus was mothering?"

No, actually I'm saying that housework/farmwork AND mothering were/are *both* "real" work. In other words, I don't think it's an "either or" situation as most posters seem to think.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 4:56pm
Don't even go there (physical intimacy every night) with PNJ!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 5:08pm

We never had any sleep problems and my children both slept in their own cribs in their own rooms

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 5:31pm

"Good parents acknowledge that ALL members of the family have value."

I agree. I simply think that it is inaccurate to insist that this is *his* schedule rather than acknowleding that in reality, it is *yours*.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 5:36pm

"The stories that you mention may or may not be "in direct conflict" with science -- i.e., there are many people that believe that the order of creation reflected in Genesis, for instance, reflects an that the order of creation reflected in Genesis,'s understanding of the process of life being created/evolving from less complex to more complex modes of existence."

But isn't the Story of Creation supposed to be "the word of God", rather than "the word of ancient people?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 5:50pm

In reality, every baby on the planet must adhere to their parents' schedule eventually. Yours too. You just pat yourself on the back that you didn't have to force it. But if your dd adhered to a sleep-all-day, stay-awake-all-night schedule past a certain age, you'd have to put a stop to it. A baby has a need for getting X hours of sleep within any given 24 hour span. They also have a need for getting food at certain intervals. Once those needs have been met, the baby's desire to be asleep at some times and awake at others is a 'want' and the parents' need to move the baby from point A to point B takes precedence.

Let me give you an example that happens in every parents' life if they live where there is winter. It is freezing out. The baby is asleep in the car. If the baby remains in the car, he will freeze. The parents' need to move the baby out of the car and into the house takes precedence over the baby's desire to stay sleep. A similar principal is employed when a baby is dressed at 5AM so they can be moved from home bed to daycare bed. The parents' need to not get fired (or jailed, if it's the military) takes precedence over the baby's desire to not be moved and stay asleep in that one spot. They are free to go back to sleep in the car or at daycare, however.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 5:55pm
But most kids do better if they have scheduled bed and nap times. Personally I dont want my kids sleeping with me, they each have their own room and their own beds/crib and they are perfectly happy to sleep there. I dont really care what sleeping in their own bed teaches them as long as they sleep there. And you bet your butt I look forward to nap time around here - I keep up with anywhere from 3-6 kids every day and I do look forward to that 2 hours in the afternoon when we have naptime. That doesnt negate the fact that the child needs a nap. On Sunday my 14 year old took a nap - heck sometimes my husband takes naps on the weekend, age has NOTHING to do with whether or not one needs a nap. BOth my 6 year old and my 2 year old have 8:30 bedtimes during the school year (we are a little more relaxed during the summer) partly because we do need time together as a couple but just as importantly is because the kids need sleep. I know my child and Iknow that if she stays up until 10 pm she will not be able to get up for school the next morning. Sure, I can talk to my husband with my kids around, but with 3 of them it is alot harder than with just 1. We dont have to be alone to be together either, but we do want time to be alone, it is something we enjoy and our marriage thrives on. Do we require physical intimacy on a nightly basis, dont require it but that doesnt mean we dont enjoy it. So alone time is okay for you and your dh but for others whose dh's dont wah and have to work out other schedules it is a bad thing? Why is your way the only right way to do anything.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 5:59pm

"Perhaps you do not have the desire to understand WHY the universe is the way it is,"

Of course I have a desire to understand WHY the universe is the way it is. I simply don't have a desire to seek out/rely on religious answers/explanations (Christian or otherwise) to this question.

"which are questions that myth and allegory address."

But certainly myth and allegory are the *only* way in which to address these questions, right?

"You are instead content to understand HOW it works,"

Why would you make such an assumption? Because I don't have a desire to seek out/rely on religious answers/explanations (Christian or otherwise)?

"Understanding HOW is not enough for many people,"

I agree. It certainly isn't enough for me.

"and they understand the difference between HOW and WHY."

As do I.

"Somewhere along the way, you seem to have been persuaded that they are the same question. Many people do not believe that they are."

Again, why would you make such an assumption? Because I don't have a desire to seek out/rely on religious answers/explanations (Christian or otherwise)?

BTW, just for the record, I am not an atheist. I do believe in "God/A Higher Power". I simply don't believe in an omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient, perfect, unchanging, supernatural, Christian God. You do realize that one doesn't have to believe in "religion" or "relgious dogma/doctrine" in order to believe in God/A Higher Power, right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 6:01pm

This whole subthread is a big fat red herring on your part. The only reason anyone brought up the Bible as history in this debate was to use its descriptions of everyday life, which have been verified by archeologists. The tactic you seem to be using is that if you can prove that various stories in the Bible aren't literally, scientifically true (creation, Adam and Eve) then you get to also cast doubt on the desriptions of everyday life that people quoted. The minute anybody started talking about biblical WOHMs, you started in on trying to disprove Johnah and the whale et.al But whether those are true or not is IRRELEVANT to the truth of the descriptions of everyday life.

Somebody else gave a good example from Dickens. The ghost of christmas past didn't have to be a real ghost in order for Dickens' descriptions of London daily life to be completely accurate. The same principal applies here. And you know it too. Which is why every time somebody brings up archeologically-verified daily life desriptions in the Bible, you try as hard as you can to discredit them by saying "but the Creation Myth isn't literally true". So what if it isn't? What does that have to do with the desriptions of daily life. Or do you think that the descriptions of daily life were fiction too? (You don't but are trying just as hard as you can to cast them as fictional by casting mythology as fictional.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 6:09pm

"Why are *adults* needs not important?"

I never said they weren't.

"I don't understand the "all for the child" attitude."

Nor do I.

"They are not the center of the world."

No, they aren't.

"I'm not saying children's needs are not important, but why can't they adapt just like everyone else?"

How exactly are "adults" adapting with regard to "an *adult-led* schedule based primarily on the needs and convenience of *adults* (especially with regard to sleeping and feeding practices) rather than following a *child-led* schedule based on a *child's* individual biological needs?"

"Why should everything revolve around them?"

Everything shouldn't revolve around them. BTW, there is a big difference between the scenerio you have outlined here and mine.

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