how do i convince my husband
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how do i convince my husband
| Mon, 07-18-2005 - 4:09pm |
how do i convince my husband to let me at least job-share so i can take care of our 3 month old dd? he grew up with his mom working & all his friend's moms working. we can afford it if we cut back on some things, but he doesn't want to cut back & just doesn't understand someone wanting to be a stay at home mom...it doesn't help mycause that the grandmothers will babysit. i'm so unhappy about having to go back to work...he wants me to work full time 1 more year & just doesn't get it! i feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest every time i hink about it.

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What makes you think all these things are readily available to sahm's? One thing you need to remember is that you are a sahm to one child - that is a snap. once you add more children it becomes more difficult.
im a sahm, i volunteered at school more when I was a wohm than i do as a sahm - why, because I had daycare in place for my other child. as a sahm it is very difficult to find someone who will watch a child for a couple of hours here and there.
substitute care before or after school, well, my school aged kids have some activity pretty much every day after school - sports, brownies, band, etc... so i guess they are in substitute care even though i am a sahm.
as a sahm it is rare that i take my kids to school or pick them up - they ride the bus or as mentioned above have activities after school. why, because they like to ride the bus it is a time for them to visit with their friends, plus if i took them i would have to get the baby up and dressed before he naturally wakes up, and if I picked them up I would have to wake him from his nap. while we do go to the library at least once a week, the park, the zoo, the museum, etc... those are not things we can do after school - we live too far away from those things.
not having to worry about care when school is not in session, for whatever reason is the only plus to having a sahm, but when you woh that is something that is taken care of in advance so it really is not an issue. and i know when i woh i had 6 weeks of vacation, the company had 14 holidays, and was shut down from chrsitmas eve until the day after new years. so when you add up all those days plus the days the kids were visiting family and going to camp and such things there was very little time that was picked up when i became a sahm.
while you cant imagine it working for you, because you have never done it , it works and works well. and the kids are fine and having a great time
Jennie
There
Your post made me think of something ...
At dd's elem school, picking up and dropping off is not something most parents/children want to be involved in. It is a total madhouse. (It will be worse this year, as they're doing major construction on our school.) School lets out at 3:40 and there are SUVs lined up 1/2 mile down each way waiting by about 3:10. We have PTA volunteers out everyday helping direct traffic and keep the kids safe.
The buses, however, have a separate bus lane. My kids are much safer getting off/on the daycare bus everyday than they'd ever be if I took them.
The JACKAL
Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.
I understand where my mom is coming from and I can see why she believes that things may well have been different for my sibs if she had not WOH. I don't think a parent's status is solely responsible for how adult kids turn out. There are tons of factors. I respect my mom's pov though. Her feelings are real, and her rationale makes sense.
My dd is doing great - thanks for asking. She has not had so much as a sniffle in the past 6 weeks.
Nick
You are 100% correct! She did put financial security above emotional security - and she regrets it. Hers was a very demanding career and she was not able to balance well. I didn't say I "can't" go into their issues, but simply don't have the time (or energy lol) to do so. I don't mean to suggest that her experience is universal - SHE was not able to balance work and family - many are.
Nick
I am well, thanks for asking! I don't know if my mother is to blame, but I understand why she thinks she is. I can relate to her because I had difficulty balancing my work/family when I worked f/t too. My mother was obsessed with accumulating money and financial security. We had the finest of everything, but very little of her. I truly feel I had a great childhood! Best vacations, best toys etc etc. I do believe that I was luckier than them because I had a teacher who took special interest in me. I think my emotional needs were met where my sibs weren't. Who knows...
Nick
"So infants and toddlers NEED to be exposed to minor illnesses in order to PROTECT them from major illnesses later on? Hmmm, I think the key word here is "APPEAR"." But it's true, they do. To mix metaphors, the immune system can't go from 0-60mph with nothing in between. It needs practise. It needs to get in shape by lifting the light weights of minor illness before tackling the 200lb dumbell. Luckily this happens anyway unless parents take extraordinary measures to prevent it. Like trying to keep the home as sterile as possible and drastically limiting the child's exposure to sources of infection (like the playground). Most parents don't. But enough have to give doctors something to observe and write up and encourage immunologists to investigate.
Although you may think otherwise, your dd was exposed to minor illnesses and is all the stronger for it. She NEEDED that. In your final paragraph you noted that she had colds and stomache bugs. What are those, if not minor illnesses? Breastmilk contains protective antibodies only to those illnesses that the mother has been exposed to herself and is immune to. It can't protect against everything. And that's a good thing.
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