how do i convince my husband
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how do i convince my husband
| Mon, 07-18-2005 - 4:09pm |
how do i convince my husband to let me at least job-share so i can take care of our 3 month old dd? he grew up with his mom working & all his friend's moms working. we can afford it if we cut back on some things, but he doesn't want to cut back & just doesn't understand someone wanting to be a stay at home mom...it doesn't help mycause that the grandmothers will babysit. i'm so unhappy about having to go back to work...he wants me to work full time 1 more year & just doesn't get it! i feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest every time i hink about it.

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"And you attribute that primarily to exclusive bfeeding? Not to genetics?"
In our particular case, Yes, I do. Both dh and I had numerous incidents of ear infections, which resulted in the old tubes in the ears for each of us. This factor, among many others, was one of the primary reasons I was so keen to breastfeed exclusively (no bottles) and on an extended basis, as well as why dh was so incredibly supportive.
Not many dh's encourage or even understand the benefits of exclusive bfing, and more specifically extended bfing and co-sleeping. Many seem to think of their wives breasts as being *theirs* for some reason, as if breasts exist for the sole purpose of their own entertainment LOL. Many also seem to think of *their bed* in much the same way. Indeed society has a way of taking practices that are perfectly natural, healthy and beneficial, and turning them into something unnatural, unhealthy, and even taboo.
Your last paragraph is not only irrelevant to the debate .. but appears to be just another way for you to spout superiority. Now, not only are you and your choices superior, but your dh is better than other dhs too.
Same ol' Same ol'
Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.
Your mother sounds like an amazing woman - wow, what a story!
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"May I suggest the book "Not Guilty" as a starter. It goes over a lot of the research that has been used by groups like Natural Child that have agendas to support their agenda."
This is precisely why I posted abstracts from the *actual* NICHD study, as it cuts out the middle man altogether. Are you suggesting that the NICHD has an *agenda*? If so, could you please explain what it is?
"This is a good starting point for someone who wants to understand how the data that is out there has been twisted to say whatever a group wanted it to say."
Again, could you please explain the NICHD's so called *agenda*? COuld you please explain how the NICHD has twisted the research in it's own study?
You clearly seem to be missing the fact that I posted abstracts from the *actual* NICHD study. Again, could you please explain the NICHD's so called *agenda*? Likewise, could you please explain how the NICHD has twisted the research in it's own study? You simply aren't making any sense here?
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"READ the abstract you posted. It considered them as a type of care and compared types of care."
They are *all* types of care. BTW, as far as I know, the study does not use the term "substitute care".
"For the purposes of this study, paternal care was separated out."
How so? Are you suggesting that care by the father is *not* parental care? How could this be? Furthermore, are you suggesting that this is what the *study* is saying? Again, how could this be? Please explain.
"DH works 4 days a week. I work a flexible schedule that allows me to pick my boys up two afternoons a week. I have 24 vacation days and 9 holidays. DH can take as much vacation as he wants since he's self employed (and being off 1 day a week already covers 52 days a year during the work week). Since 24 vacation days is approximately 5 total weeks, and since DH only works 4 days a week, yes, we "pretty much have it covered." So if he has 52 days off a year and I have 33, yeah, we have 85 days between the two of us."
Hmm, if your schedules are so flexible, why do you need your best friend and the grandparents?
<<"They let me work from home in emergencies." And when do you care for your sick children? On your breaks?>> My kids are 10 and 12.
So what about when they were younger?
"<<"This is already an option for us. Either DH or I take the boys to school every day. I pick them up 2 days a week, DH picks them up 1 day a week. My folks pick them up 1 day a week and spend about 2.5 hours with them. My best friend watches my boys 1 day a week for about 2.5 hours."
Again, if your schedules are soooo flexible, why do you need your best friend and the grandparents?
<> Well, I work with a lot of people who are dual WOH couples and they have flexible schedules as well. What your response to me shows is that you are not as aware of how things work with dual WOH couples as you'd like to think."
Again, just because you (or a lot of couples you know) seemingly have a flexible schedule, doesn't mean that the *AVERAGE* dual WOHP's has the same flexibility.
I get 3 weeks vaation per year, the normal holidays (Christmas, Thanksgiving, Labor Day etc). No sick days (but can use vacation days for them). The vacations days do not carry over, they are use or loose.
DH gets 3 weeks vacation, the normal holidays plus one week at Chistmas. He used to 80 hours of personal time per year but many people were using it as extra vacation so now there is not set amount of personal time, it is on a as needed basis and must be ok'd by management. His also do not carry over and are use or loose.
LOL! I was wondering when you'd respond to my post!
<> Because I need coverage for 5 hours a week. I'd say that's pretty minimal considering I do have a flexible schedule (you did see it in my previous post, right??
<<<>>> They were in DC 4 days a week and with my parents one day a week. I had a less flexible job at the time and DH was working for other employers at the time. It was the best option for us at the time, especially since we were living paycheck to paycheck and since I carry all the medical benefits for our family. My not working was NOT an option.
<<<<"<<"This is already an option for us. Either DH or I take the boys to school every day. I pick them up 2 days a week, DH picks them up 1 day a week. My folks pick them up 1 day a week and spend about 2.5 hours with them. My best friend watches my boys 1 day a week for about 2.5 hours."
Again, if your schedules are soooo flexible, why do you need your best friend and the grandparents?>>>> See my answer above. Please explain to me your issue about 5 hours a week (2:30 - 4:30ish)? You did see my works schedule, did you not? Do you not agree that it's very flexible??? Again, you're grasping at straws because you can't find anything else to nit pick about.
<<<> Well, I work with a lot of people who are dual WOH couples and they have flexible schedules as well. What your response to me shows is that you are not as aware of how things work with dual WOH couples as you'd like to think."
Again, just because you (or a lot of couples you know) seemingly have a flexible schedule, doesn't mean that the *AVERAGE* dual WOHP's has the same flexibility.>>>> Please define *AVERAGE*. With telecommuting, e-mail, computers, cell phones, flex schedules, I don't know too many dual WOH couples with standard in-the-ofice 9-5 schedules. Work environments have changed a lot over the past 5-10 years.
That's one of the reasons I changed jobs ... My sick leave increased by 12 days, my vacation increased by 5 days and my holidays increased by 4 days.
The work isn't as interesting .. but i'm far less stressed and the additional time off is WAY worth it.
The JACKAL
Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.
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