how do i convince my husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2004
how do i convince my husband
1841
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 4:09pm
how do i convince my husband to let me at least job-share so i can take care of our 3 month old dd? he grew up with his mom working & all his friend's moms working. we can afford it if we cut back on some things, but he doesn't want to cut back & just doesn't understand someone wanting to be a stay at home mom...it doesn't help mycause that the grandmothers will babysit. i'm so unhappy about having to go back to work...he wants me to work full time 1 more year & just doesn't get it! i feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest every time i hink about it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 9:30am

I love playing these types of games. It never ceases to amaze me that SAHMs can wear designer clothing and diamond stud earrings but let a WOHM buy those things for herself and she is labeled selfish and materialistic.

Let me post why I am happy I work for money. Here is what I've spent this week:

$700 over the last four days to find out my dog has some sort of rare immune based disorder that wouldn't let him open his month (hence, he couldn't eat or drink)

$300 for the daycamp for DS so he could take "cartooning" and "rocket making" -- two classes he's been dying to take for months. Not necessary, of course, but nice.

$450 for the upcoming 3-day "lavish" stay at a hotel that takes dogs on Cape Cod (hard to find a semi-decent hotel that takes dogs but the hotel does come with beach access)

$84.76 -- food

$20 -- bi-monthly manicure (I do my own toes)

$$$$$$ -- the electric bill, when it comes, for running the AC night and day during this heat wave

$85.00 -- New bathing suit from Lands End because my old one fell apart. I used their virtual model. Who knew I had a long torso? I did my own "bikini line" hair removal this morning.

mom_writer

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 9:42am

Why is that important?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 9:46am

What exactly are you considering *AVERAGE* and how many average dual wohp families do you know and know well enough to state what they can do or what they can't?


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 9:49am
Does having a monthly membership to the gym count as regular trips to the spa? The women's locker room does have a sauna and a whirlpool, so maybe I'm doing better than I think.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 9:50am

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That is strictly against the rules at our school for safety reasons and I tend to agree.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 9:53am

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I posted to momofhk but this is against the rules at our school.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 9:57am

"I've been AH for about 5 years of my almost 9 years as a mother (3 of those were mat leave and 2 were as a SAHM). Yes, while I've been at home, I haven't had to worry about summer daycare, childcare when the kids are sick, and I've had more time to volunteer in the school. All of which have been nice perks of being at home."

I agree.

"What you didn't make clear in your post to PA is how these things are really benefits to the family. How will these things make a difference to the outcome in the long run?"

Are you saying that you don't think of these things as benefits? Are you saying that you don't think of these things will make a difference in the long run? Why exactly did you SAH for 5 years then?

1. I certainly consider spending time in parental care, rather than in substitute care as beneficial/making a difference in the long run, especially when children are infants, toddlers, preschoolers (but also for school-aged children when it comes to before and after school and over breaks especially summer break). Although my OP, focused on the benefits of having a SAHP when it comes to school-aged children, clearly there are also many benefits to having a SAHP when it comes to infants, toddlers, preschooler aged children as well. In fact, some might even argue that the benefits of having a SAHP are perhaps more dramamtic for those with infants, toddlers, preschooler aged children than for those with school-aged children. BTW, as I have already posted, the NICHD study cites many problems associated with early child care. For instance, decreased maternal sensitivity, increased aggression and behavioral problems, increased illness, etc. to name a few. So again, I certainly consider spending time in parental care, rather than in substitute care as beneficial/making a difference in the long run.

2. I certainly consider volunteering in the classrom as beneficial/making a difference in the long run as well. I love the fact that I *know* all of my child's classmates, and that they *know* me. Most parents don't even know the *names* of all their children's classmates, much less *know* personal things about them that make them special and unique. I think it's very important for children to see parents in the classroom. I think it's important for children to see *teachers*, as well as other *parents* as role models. I think it sends them the message that parents can be invloved both in, as well as outside, the classroom. Why do some people seem to be under the impression that parent involvement is somehow unnecessary and inappropraite? I certainly didn't consider it as such when I was a teacher. In fact, I very much appreciated, valued, and encouraged parent (and even grandparent) involvement as much as possible.

"As for the being home with them all summer. My two eldest are absolutely delighted that they can go to overnight summer camp now that I'm going back to work. There are a lot of great experiences for kids out there during the summer."

I agree there are a lot of great experiences for kids out there during the summer, especially for *OLDER* kids. However, theres's really no need for infants, toddler, or preschoolers to have extensive summer experiences such as going to overnight summer camp. I think it's safe to say that trips to the zoo, going to the park, going to the library, etc. with a SAHP are more developmentally appropriate for this age group.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 10:00am

"My children were also breast fed and attended day care. Best of both worlds."

Did you exclusively breastfeed each of them (no bottles)?

Also, how long did you breastfeed each of them?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 10:05am
I will no longer respond to posts that aren't directly related to this debate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 10:06am
See post 343.

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