how do i convince my husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2004
how do i convince my husband
1841
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 4:09pm
how do i convince my husband to let me at least job-share so i can take care of our 3 month old dd? he grew up with his mom working & all his friend's moms working. we can afford it if we cut back on some things, but he doesn't want to cut back & just doesn't understand someone wanting to be a stay at home mom...it doesn't help mycause that the grandmothers will babysit. i'm so unhappy about having to go back to work...he wants me to work full time 1 more year & just doesn't get it! i feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest every time i hink about it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2004
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 6:08am
How does this negates child care falling to the very young and very old? Mom can go do a lot of work in between feedings and it wasn't unusual to use a wet nurse.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 8:35am
In most of the elementary and middle school my kid have attended (about 8) parking was very limited. There were enough slots for the employees but few extra spots for parents. So there would usually be a spot available to use when picking a child up for a doctors appointment there would not be enough spots for all parents for class programs/open houses etc and street parking was required.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 8:52am

The average dh doesn't really matter to me, but mine does. My dh is probably even more pro bf than I am. I bf-ed each of our three kids for two years (while WOH FT). DH was insistnet thatthe kids needed bm. Dh is also the one who had the idea that we cosleep.

That's my "data" of one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 9:40am

My bf is a manufacturers rep for a similar product and it was so messy and ~~yucky~~ I tried it once and would never do it again.


I am glad that it works for her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 9:41am
hee hee.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 10:12am

I'd say to approach the issue as telling him that this is what you want to/are going to do, rather than asking him if you "can" do it or if he'll 'let' you... Talk to him about his fears/concerns- why it's so important to him that you work outside of the home and then address those concerns. If the issue is money, sit down and take a look at the finances and then cut back where he's least likely to notice. (The grocery budget for example- start shopping at discount stores and using coupons etc. if you're not already). If it's just change in general, compromise and go for a trial run. Take a leave of absence if you can, or decide that you'll try it for a year- if you're both not on the same page after that, tell him you'll go back. (Or at least consider it ;)...

(Also- are you breastfeeding? That would be a very good reason to stay at home- you don't need to worry about finding time to pump during your workday or whether you'll respond well *to* the pump, or whether baby will even *take* a bottle...)

Good luck!

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 10:26am

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Whoa. Find some middle ground there.


While she shouldn't be asking his permission (if he'll *let* her), she shouldn't be telling him what she *is* going to do either. It should be a decision they reach together.



The JACKAL


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Edited 7/29/2005 10:27 am ET ET by savcal_ok

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 10:49am

Yes- I agree. But if the reasonable approach doesn't work (if he's telling her she "can't" without trying to find a middle ground) then for her own mental health and sanity, she might reasonably tell him that it's her decision and that this is what she's decided to do/try. While yes, it *should* be a decision they reach together, if he's being unreasonable and controlling- trying to 'forbid' her like a parent rather than a partner, then she needs to do what she can to preserve her mental wellbeing and remind him that he doesn't have the final say, nor is she asking his permission, but rather his *input*. I'm not suggesting this as a first line of defense, but if reasonable options and mutual discussion are shot down, what is the alternative? Roll over belly up and be miserable in a choice that was made *for* her?

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 12:18pm

"I wasn't persuaded by an alleged connection between dc and decreased incidence of leukemia."

You have got to be kidding. Being in Daycare reduces the risk of leukemia? Hmm. I agree-I'm not convinced either.

What I find funny about that is that my dh has had leukemia twice. And growing up he never, ever, went to daycare (were there daycares in the 50s?) He told me that the drugs have vastly improved now over when he first had it about 20 years ago. But I can't see how daycare would ever have anything to do with it....lololol.

I *have* heard that the use of antibacterial soap in everything in producing "super" bugs who are resistant to everything, and not to use it. Let the kids play in the dirt. Let them catch little bugs now and then. I mean geez, if people think that dc is bad for germs...try working in an elementary school with special needs kids.




Edited 7/29/2005 12:25 pm ET ET by khumphrey
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2005
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 12:31pm

Excuse me for delurking, but is there any evidence at all that children who had mothers who (had continual mother/child contact, exclusive bfing (no bottles), extended bfing, child-led weaning, co-sleeping (no cages/cribs), baby wearing, little to no use of substitute care) have any advantages over children who did not? Are there any adults out there who had mothers who did this? And if so, what is so special about you now?

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